sghffdmc Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 First time poster here, thanks in advance for listening to my griping. My girlfriend, or I guess I should say ex, and I just broke up yesterday. We had been talking over the past week about things not feeling the same like they once were, but I admit that these issues are mostly my fault. For some reason my love for her just faded. I still love her and care for her, but I was losing interest in being her partner. And it killed me because I would do anything for those feelings I once had to come back, but we've tried everything over the past few monthss....but failed. So we decided to take a break. I thought this would be the best thing for us. I thought maybe it would make me want her again and make me realize what I had. I also thought it was necessary for our issues. We had been dating for nearly three years, but are just 20 years old and in college. We were each other's first loves, but I started to think if there's more out there that I need to explore before I settle down with one girl. I guess you could say I thought our relationship was getting stale and I knew this was not a good thing if we planned on being together forever. I mean, 3 years is nothing compared to life and we aren't even married yet. We were probably at the very least 4 more years away from marriage as well. However, today I am devastated. I know that this has hurt her so bad and I hate it. Seeing her cry is the worst pain for me in the world and I keep playing yesterday over in my head. I also can't stop thinking about us and I'm tempted to run back to her, but I feel like this would be the wrong idea. Do I want to do this because it's still so fresh and she's like a security blanket for me? I also know if I rush back to her now, the issues would probably still be there. Now I'm asking for your advince. Was I wrong? Should I go back to her? Should I give it time? I'm just so confused and don't know what to do. I really do love her and care for her like she's part of my family, but I know the other part of the relationship is just as vital. Is there any hope for me and her in the future? Thanks...
smudge21 Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 Hmm, my previous ex, I ended it due to simply falling out of love for her. I did try to make it work, but was lying to myself and her. I had to end it and felt bad about doing so, but always felt it was for the best. Seeing how upset she was nearly drove me back but I knew I'd be going back for the wrong reasons and it would only hurt her even more, so I stayed away. I pretty much forced NC upon her. A year, well, less than that, she gets in touch and we meet up. It's clear the feelings are still there on her side even though she's had a relationship in that time. We hang out as friends occasionally and then things just became normal between us. Not close friends, but just okay friends. If you still have feelings for her then you need to think about what you really want. Maybe some time apart will be good as it will give you both a chance to reflect, but remember that she too will have time to work out what she wants. Things could backfire in many ways. All I will say is only go back if you are sure that's what you want as the last thing you want to do is hurt someone you care about twice. That's not fair. Better to be honest now then live a lie or cause more misery. See what others on here say.
jfxxxx Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 all i can say to you, is no matter how much you miss her right now and may want her back, just give it time. your both hurt, and as you said, if you ran back to eachother now, it wouldnt eliminate the issues you've had. you need the space apart from eachother to feel in a better place with yourselves, and once you feel a little more happier, you'll be able to look and reflect on your relationship and see if theres a possibility to solve this issues. also, if you went back to eachother now, you'd have a day of being happy again, but then you'd only end up breaking up again. sometimes you have to let go of the person you love, in order to test whether it really was love. if you find in time that you really want her and no one compares to her, then sure give it another go. but you and her are obviously vulnerable at the moment. it sounds to me as if you just need a little space. give it about a few weeks with LC and let that test your feelings. im kind of in the same place of you, but not. what i mean is that my ex boyfriend broke up with me, not because he didnt love me, but because i had trust issues and i loaded that onto him. we were in a very blury place, we were arguing, we were not happy. but day by day, im getting the chance to reflect on what i did wrong and im more than confident now that i can sort my insecurities out and win back my ex. this is what time does, it heals you! it'll be hard to start off with, your breaking out of a routine. but its the best thing and it really does test whether you love the girl or not. time is the best predictor, trust me
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