LittleTiger Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 I ask myself that if I had just been travelling for so many hours and had not slept in over a day, and if all the shops were closed and my internet was down, would I just sleep and wait for the internet to be up, or would I try and borrow a phone to call the bf? And the answer would be the former. In actuality, when I went on vacation there was a rare problem with my own SIM card, in that it was faulty and I waited 6+ hours for it to activate. I didn't actually borrow a phone to call my SO in the meantime and he saw absolutely nothing wrong with it, so in these circumstances I think it is right for me to do the same. You must go with your own instincts Elswyth. We're different people. In either situation I would have borrowed a phone - no question - so my view will obviously be different. Horses for courses as they say (at least we do in England ).
Author Els Posted October 26, 2011 Author Posted October 26, 2011 I have never heard that saying before but so true, LT!
zengirl Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 Elswyth, glad everything is okay! I believe he was inconsiderate on this occasion and I also believe that if a partner has been inconsiderate (and if you're left worrying about him then he clearly has been) he or she needs to know about it. And I think it's inconsiderate to expect someone who's just traveled almost a full day to track down a way to communicate, under difficult parameters (it's not like his cell worked and he could've just called her), when insanely tired. What about consideration for the partner who's traveling? (And I'm, not saying Elswyth lacks that, as she did seem considerate of him once her worry dissipated, in the way she handled it.) There are TWO people to be considerate of in this scenario.
LittleTiger Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 There are TWO people to be considerate of in this scenario. I disagree. He had no reason to be worried about Elswyth because she was safe at home. I've had to travel 12,000 miles to the other side of the world, more than once, to see my SO and the very first thing I did on arriving was contact my folks at home to say I'd made it safely - and when I came home, the first thing I did was contact him to let him know I'd made it home. In fact I contacted people at both ends in between flights too. Trust me, a 30 hour journey involving three flights and two airport stops is the worst journey ever, I hate travelling, I never sleep a wink and I usually feel violenty ill by the time I reach my destination, but I happen to be a very considerate person and I don't like to think people are worrying about me. However, like a said, I realise everybody has different expectations.
zengirl Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 I disagree. He had no reason to be worried about Elswyth because she was safe at home. Never said he did. Worry is not the only thing to be considerate of is my point---jetlag, exhaustion, needing time to get things done, etc, are ALSO things to be considerate of. If it was a matter of giving a quick call with a phone that already worked, then, yes, easy enough, but there are many places where you cannot get phone service or internet right away, and the idea of tracking such things down---which could take HOURS and several buses and such to sort out---after a lack of sleep and a lot of travel is just unreasonable IMO. In fact, I'd find it inconsiderate---and have, in fact, as I think my mother is VERY inconsiderate for putting her incessant worry on me and making me do so quite frequently, something I still resent her sickness (OCD and anxiety) for quite a lot, though I've learned to forgive her---if someone expected me to do that. So, yes, people are very different in what they consider inconsiderate.
LittleTiger Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 Never said he did. Worry is not the only thing to be considerate of is my point---jetlag, exhaustion, needing time to get things done, etc, are ALSO things to be considerate of. If it was a matter of giving a quick call with a phone that already worked, then, yes, easy enough, but there are many places where you cannot get phone service or internet right away, and the idea of tracking such things down---which could take HOURS and several buses and such to sort out---after a lack of sleep and a lot of travel is just unreasonable IMO. I know exactly what you meant, which is why I pointed out my experience of jetlag and exhaustion from travelling. I don't believe, in this instance, that he couldn't get access to a working phone - landline or mobile - without needing to 'track them down'.
whichwayisup Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 Stop googling! If there was a plane crash, it would have been on the news already. He probably just hasn't thought of contacting you.. Now you know for next time to let you know he's arrived safely. Sometimes guys need a 2x4, a reminder..He probably didn't think about it .. Don't take it personally or out of context that he hasn't contacted you.
Eternal Sunshine Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 When my bf was traveling to Europe, I told him to let me know when he lands so that I don't worry. He thought it was cute that I worry and ended up texting from his every stop and then e-mailing when he got to the destination. I suggest you explicitly ask him to contact you next time but other than that - I would let the issue go.
zengirl Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 I know exactly what you meant, which is why I pointed out my experience of jetlag and exhaustion from travelling. I don't believe, in this instance, that he couldn't get access to a working phone - landline or mobile - without needing to 'track them down'. It really depends on the country is what I'm saying. Calling abroad is extremely expensive/complicated from many countries. Borrowing a mobile to make a $20+ international call (when most folks' mobiles might not even have that capability in that country) might not be quite as easy as you'd think. In many places I've traveled, it is a nearly impossible idea. The internet? Eh, reasonable in MORE places, but if the internet was out at the place he was staying, I can see that taking a day or two as well. FTR, I don't know anything about mobiles in Turkey (the place in question, I think). I've been there and stayed for about a month, but never had a working phone when I was there. I think jet lag is a more reasonable problem than such constant anxiety but YMMV. However, if you knew it had nothing to do with that (worry) and knew exactly what I meant---as you now say---then why bring that up at all? Why is worry, even worry that is excessive and based on a disease, more important to you than the body's physical need to sleep?
carhill Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 If I'm going somewhere that has a reasonable expectation of no phone/internet service, generally remote locations, and must have a phone, I rent an Iridium phone. The rent isn't bad and it's only expensive if you talk a lot, generally a couple bucks a minute. Obviously, that wasn't the case for the OP's BF but is one solution when keeping in touch is important. OP, glad to read everything worked out. I'll make some fudge brownies for you tonight
AHardDaysNight Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 You aren't being silly. I would have been worried, too. However, having traveled before, after I get somewhere I just want to sleep. Believe me, I've only been on 4 hour flights before, and that was painful enough, so I can't imagine what an 11 hour flight would have been like! Give your boyfriend a break! He got in touch with you eventually. That's enough.
Author Els Posted October 27, 2011 Author Posted October 27, 2011 OP, glad to read everything worked out. I'll make some fudge brownies for you tonight Mmmm fudge brownies Guys, thanks so much for all the help, and I love y'all, but the matter has really been settled to both of our satisfaction, as I posted yesterday
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