muneca Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 Hi, I had a FWB thing with a so called friend for over a year, I live in NYC he lives in Miami but we spoke nearly everyday. We were never official but the deal I asked for was complete honesty if I ask if he is seeing someone or sleeping with someone. Well he lied ALOT he slept around with many girls while he said he wasn't and worst of all has been in a relationship since May with a girl I have been asking about and didn't tell me.How did I find out? thru Facebook we all went to HS at the same time except I didt know her mind you we are 31 now. Her and I have many mutual friends and she popped up on the side as a suggestion and her profile picture was of both of them with a caption "Friends for life and also lovers" Needless to say I lost it especially after repeatedly asking him did they have something and he said no they are just friends and it turns out they have a damn full blown relationship wtf? It was devastating besides us sleeping together I fell for him, trusted him and told him alot of personal things. So he called me denied it all said ok maybe they occasionally hookup but the lovers thing is an inside joke etc. I live between both cities spending some months here some there but the deal was that we both werent ready for a relationship I just came out of a 13 year one and he a year before a 16 year one.well anyways I didnt believe him he proceeded to call me all day deny everything said I was being melodramatic. Well when I was still initially upset I messaged her asked her etc and she said everything and I said everything. compared notes and figured out he was lieing about sooo much crap. It's like I didnt even know him and most hurtful of all when she would wonder about me he would say I was a "psycho chick" who couldnt get over our "use to be FWB thing" and wouldnt leave him alone. Wow! Just the night before I was talking to him about alot of sad personal things.Even worse in our time having our thing we had many mutual male friends saying to not do it stay away, he will hurt me and my dumb ass defended him always took his side, I was loyal to a fault even stopped talking to friends that would talk negative about him all the while he was talking negative to his other girls to me by calling me crazy and psycho.When he found out I had contacted her just to ask and all his skeletons came out of the closet he exploded did a 180, started texting me that he hated me, he was done with me and that I was the biggest mistake of his life. Mind u this was just one hour after calling me numerous times trying to save us and saying how much he cared for me and wants me in his life even as just a friend if I am that done with it. he of course was doing the opposite for her was doing everything to save it now with her and threw me away. Obv there was more invested there, she lives there I dont always, she is stable, kids 9-5, not much of a social life, cooks, cleans and washes his clothes. Me I'm a freelance makeup artist, all over, not a stable life, eventful social life and he knows I wouldn't do any of that crap for him if we are just FWB's. She is more on the plain, simple side while I am more wild, outgoing, stylish, tattoos, piercings and better looking etc. not to be conceited but it's the truth everyone's first reaction,but it's irrelevant because it seems everything he loved is also everything he hated about me. Hated my life always wanted me to "calm down" which I am he just perceives things because in suburbia a freelance life isnt common atleast not there. Hated the attention I got from men from strangers and our mutual male friends, he doesnt have that problem with her atleast not in the same caliber. Anyway when it went down I was so devastated i didnt eat for 3 days, barely got up from bed and cried almost like a friend died. I could deal with the not sleeping together anymore its the lies everything I thought I knew basically I didnt. That was exactly a month ago today and after a couple of drunken emails and back and forths he talks to me like I was delusional and didnt get it was over. Which I feel he does because he is scared I will send her these emails which I wont, the idiot girl went back to him after only 2 days they are together she is still posting pics of them, I see it when FB suggests her and she told me they are going to work it out, smh after soooo many lies only a 2 day break. I know he will do it again to her but that's her problem now he acts like he wants nothing to do with me. He took down his FB when all that went down and hasnt gone back on. The Twitter thing comes from the fact that I am very active on it, I found out he had one in which he never told me,we arent following each other but he always knew I had one and even mentioned it in the emails about how I make it seem like I didnt want to be with him but went on a rampage on Twitter talking about how sad I was to my friends and what a jerk he was. I deleted them of course, I'm much more private but I was angry and was a reaction in the moment. Well him saying that made it obv he occasionally must look at my Twitter and I know she does, its public always has been. He had this thing when I would try to leave him about him wanting to know I was ok even said it when we were arguing when I said I was done before the 180 explosion on text. I dont know if to leave it public, I dont post things about him anymore I'm trying to let go and move on, I even stopped with the stupid emotional emails 5 days ago told him I would and have. My issue is..leave it public and let him get obsessed with checking it and seeing me move on and happy or make it private and not give him the satisfaction but I feel like he may just forget me. I dont want him back what he did was evil but I'm so hurt that they seem happy and I got nothing, feel like damn he has to eventually regret all this and all the lieing and if he cant see me, how can he? I don't know what to do, today leaning more towards not giving him the satisfaction of knowing anything about my life but I may feel diff in a couple hours, lol! Heeelp! Whatever I decide I want to stick to for a while. P.S all I ever got from those emails I sent were replies saying he was being distant so I would get the point it was over, ok yes I will admit he was but when I would put him on the spot and ask why he would say, he is just busy dealing with alot, so I would ask him straight up if he wanted to end it and he would say no, lets leave it undefined or why do we have to always talk about it, he strung me along. So he replies with "Sorry it turned out this way, hurting u wasn't my intention" thats it thats all I get for one year of my life.
geegirl Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 (edited) First of all, you chose to involve yourself in a situation that is just exactly what it is, "friends" that just have sex with each other. There should have been no expectation on your part for anything more than that. There was no right for you to question and invade. Did you really expect a man to be faithful and loyal to you in an FWB arrangement? Granted he broke his promise, and that is who he is but what made you feel that it was safe to trust him? There is something not quite right if you lack boundaries and are self-destructive in placing yourself in such an unhealthy situation. Never use sex in hopes of enticing a man to hopefully want more with you one day. You will end up getting hurt because while he just looks at it as sex, most times women will get emotional. Date a man. Don't sleep with him to get him to want you. Get him to want you by peaking his interest in other aspects of your life. If sex is all you want, then it has to be with someone that you have no expectations or hope for anything more. This is not a game -- keeping Twitter up to provoke him versus taking Twitter down to move on. What do you want? This whole affair was immature. If you want to move on, quit the Twitter because if you keep that Twitter up, your motives for having it up will be solely based on him because in the back of your mind, your every move will relate to what you want him to see. That in turn keeps you connected. Twitter wil always be there. When you are better and are more focused on you and indifferent towards him, then get back on. Cut it all out. You are worried he will forget you? If you are significant, he will remember. If he forgets, you have your answer. That is a moot point anyway because you should be concerned about removing yourself from this unhealthy situation and detoxing from this man. And yes, you may be prettier, tattoos, great job and all that but sometimes it's more about having self-respect and dignity. You are no better than that other girl because you both allowed yourselves to be disrespected. Edited October 26, 2011 by geegirl
Recommended Posts