Having doubt whether I want him back

[NordicStripes]

Hi guys.

 

Next week my ex is moving to the country I moved to, so we can have another shot at it. I did say him that moving here doesn't mean I'll take him back. It would just give us the opportunity to see what happens.

 

The thing is, I'm having doubts. The idea of him coming here seems increasingly less appealing to me. I'm starting to have the idea that I could find someone else, with whom the risk that he'll treat me like crap would be a lot less. This guy has already treated me like crap (the last months of the relationship) and was so stupid to think that jumping into bed with someone else (immediately after the breakup he says, but I'll never know if he cheated) would solve all his problems.

 

Are there men like me out there? Who feel sex is something you only have with someone you love? Urgh...

[NordicStripes]

The thing that still bothers me the most is the fact that he slept with someone else immediately after we had broken up. It just infuriates me that he can be so shallow, have so little self-respect and respect for what we had together. It makes him cheap in my eyes.

 

Plus, I will never know if he cheated on me or not... He first broke up with me the day I came back from a three-day conference. During that time he was partying the whole time. Then the day after he broke up with me he wanted to give it another chance. 3 days later he broke up with me again. For good he said. Then he slept with the other girl a couple of times. Three weeks later he wanted me back, and he says he's certain I'm the love of his life.

 

I just don't know...

[davesterr]

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Edited October 26, 2011 by davesterr

[gozone77]

It hasn't worked before, and you're not eager to get back with him before he's even there?

 

That's your mind telling you he's not for you.

 

Work on your loneliness issue and make your life happy and how you want it to be. You'll then attract the guy you want.

[davesterr]

you dont love this guy anymore. you are simply scared you wont find someone else.

 

you're asking: Are there men like me out there? Who feel sex is something you only have with someone you love?

 

yet you admit the idea of him coming over becomes less appealing and u can see yourself finding someone else.

 

so you just admitted that you dont love this person.

that means you dont feel like you can have sex with him cuz u dont love him.

so my question is: what do u want to hear? and why do you still want him with u?

 

in the end its up to you but i personally don't get what you want to hear.

i also answered the exact same question you posted earlier with a really long post yet you didn't reply so i don't know whether u actaully read it or not.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=3688297&postcount=7

 

personally i think you're just scared to be single and its pretty obvious you dont love him otherwise you would be excited to meet him and you wouldn't be thinking of seeing anyone else.

 

Ps: sorry for my earlier post.

This forum doesn't allow editing after a certain time period which is really annoying.

Someone should fix that.

Edited October 26, 2011 by davesterr

[NordicStripes]

Hey davesterr,

 

sorry for not responding to the other post. You kinda took me by surprise with your answer and I had to think about it for a while...

 

I know what you're saying is probably true. The problem is my emotions aren't very stable right now.

 

After I posted this, he called me. He started telling me how much he regretted what he did after we broke up, told me again that he didn't cheat on me, that he never had any feeling towards this girl and that she was nothing more than an easy lay which he hoped would make him feel better. It didn't. He also told me how bad he felt about how he treated me in the last couple of months that we were together. That he realises he was acting like a little kid, not taking responsibility. That he wants to grow up and be there for me now. That he wants to give me time and space to figure things out for myself but that he really hopes that one day I can see how he really wants to be a better an for me and for himself.

 

It seems like he has really been thinking about this, and when I hear him saying those things I feel like I might want to see these things too. And that I hope that I can still have those feelings for him.

 

I'm just utterly and totally confused.

 

I really appreciate all your input, it's very important to me! But in the end I have to figure this one out myself. And it's proving to be very hard

[davesterr]

well its like you said: only you can decide what you going to do.

 

theres either 2 possibilities.

either hes saying the truth which is extremely rare , and will do anything to make u happy.

 

or hes just saying all of that to get his way untill he decides to change his mind again.

 

its up to you what you're going to do.

whether you take a risk and let him in or whether you decide to not be with him.

in the end it matters what you truely feel and what ur instincts tells you.

 

im not gonna give my opinion on what you should do since i cant tell the future.

but if u do decide to let him in then i would atleast keep your guard partially up.

becuz if he is lieing to you well then atleast you wont be as hurt asmuch as if you let him in completely all the way in ur heart.

 

if you decide to go back with him and he continiously show signs of honesty and improvement then you can lower ur guard more and more untill you have found real love once again.

 

its really up to you though so goodlucks wit whatever decission u make.

[chrisallen]

here you can find another option to solve your problem you just need to check this out coz m been suffering like this kind and found this. After that it was very easy to decide to settle.