fenderstrathss Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 Recently I was on here because I got the ILYBNILWY speech from my wife and couldn't figure out why. Finally discovered they she had a short PA with a coworker, exposed it, did the 180 and the roles became reversed to where she was begging me for forgiveness and pleading for me to stay. Well, things have been going well, but I constantly find myself not trusting anything she says. It is so bad that I practically ritualistically check her phone records and GPS her phone to see if she is where she is supposed to be. I hate this feeling. It sounds really strange, but it almost feels like I WANT to catch her doing it again. My question is, is this normal? I mean, it hasn't been that long since everything came out in the open ( a couple of months). Is the marriage doomed because I will never be able to trust her again? Any incite would be greatly appreciated.
MizHoney2U Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 *insight* At any rate, I can tell you that we most definitely will get what we think about the most...So with that being said... you can make some changes or not however, you will get what you are subconsciously asking for. is it necessarily due to your behavior?... no that would be on her. but you can change the way you react to it and allow her to go through her guilt without feeling beaten down by you.
robf1971 Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 Recently I was on here because I got the ILYBNILWY speech from my wife and couldn't figure out why. Finally discovered they she had a short PA with a coworker, exposed it, did the 180 and the roles became reversed to where she was begging me for forgiveness and pleading for me to stay. Well, things have been going well, but I constantly find myself not trusting anything she says. It is so bad that I practically ritualistically check her phone records and GPS her phone to see if she is where she is supposed to be. I hate this feeling. It sounds really strange, but it almost feels like I WANT to catch her doing it again. My question is, is this normal? I mean, it hasn't been that long since everything came out in the open ( a couple of months). Is the marriage doomed because I will never be able to trust her again? Any incite would be greatly appreciated. What is she doing to rebuild your marriage?
Iheartme Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 I don't think so, as long as she is well aware that you are hurting and that there may be times that the issue will be brought up and she should be able to understand where you're coming from. And btw, maybe you did something (or didn't) that made her find other sources of affection?
Surfer203 Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 As one guitar player to another... firstly... get rid of the humbucker, please. (Just kidding... I am a single coil kind of guy) Second.. be on your guard BUT don't be a psychotic stalker. If she is proving to you that she wants to be in the marriage you should not have to check on her. If she is not giving you that confidence then yes, she needs to be checked up on. Don't stand for this a second time. If there is something bad going on again you need to know ASAP! Don't let it drag on, it only becomes more painful with time. Good luck.
PegNosePete Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 You do not trust her. That makes perfect sense. She has shown that she is not trustworthy. Trust takes years to build up but seconds to destroy. If she is proving to you that she is trustworthy then with time you will trust her again. It won't happen overnight. It takes years to recover from an affair.
Author fenderstrathss Posted October 27, 2011 Author Posted October 27, 2011 What is she doing to rebuild your marriage? Honestly, it just seems like things went back to like they were. I have always been very open about my feelings. She hasn't. She is doing better at expressing how she is thinking and feeling, but most of the time it is never brought up. Maybe that is what worries me. That everything now feels just like it did prior to the affair and it makes me paranoid and insecure. What should I expect from her, behavior wise, during this period?
Spark1111 Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 She needs to prove to you that she is trustworthy. She should be completely transparent with her cell, emails, whereabouts. She should be deeply remorseful and you to should be talking as much as you need to about what lead up to the affair. There is also many great sites on the internet (free) in how to rebuild a marriage after infidelity. You and she should be reading them together. Why not post this on the Infidelity forum? I think you'd get a better response from people who have survived it.
2.50 a gallon Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 I once was in similar shoes, caught wife and a month later she wanted to reconcile. I never entertained the thought about taking her back, simply for the fact of what you are now going through. I just knew that I could never trust her 100 percent again and I never wanted a repeat of finding out again
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