kiss_andmakeup Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 I have been in a great relationship with an outstanding guy for nearly 6 months. Things are going great. We spend every weekend together and usually a night during the week. We have so much in common it's freaky. Since we live 45 minutes apart and work opposite schedules, we can't see each other every day, but he always texts and/or calls on the days we don't see each other. He plans awesome things for us to do, from sporting events to concerts, and we have a blast together! He has even planned a long weekend getaway in Chicago for us around the holidays. He's caring and sweet and respectful and I simply could not ask for anything more in a mate. Unfortunately I can just barely enjoy all of this because I can't shake this fear that he's going to realize he could do much better than me and dump me. I made a thread about this back in May, when we first started dating, and assumed that by now that I would have shaken this feeling of inadequacy. But I just haven't. It doesn't occupy my thoughts as much as it once did, but it's still there. My boyfriend is a specialty physician at a well-reputed hospital. He's tall and attractive. He's an incredibly humble, funny, socially adept, intelligent, and charismatic person. He has a huge circle of friends who adore him. I'm a hairstylist. I have my license but no college degree (I attended university but didn't finish). Lately I feel extremely unattractive. I'm pale, 5'9 and very thin. I don't have big boobs or tan skin or many conventionally attractive traits for that matter. I have an amazing circle of friends but it's a small circle. One trait that I'm very confident in is my intelligence. My co-workers commonly refer to me as "the smart one"; I'm well-spoken, literate, articulate, and an excellent communicator. I'm down to earth and have a good sense of humour. I'm loyal, faithful, and honest within relationships. Always. Beyond that I'm at a loss. I feel so inadequate. Why would someone who has accomplished so much want to be with someone who has accomplished so little? And who isn't at least hot? I know these are purely negative, self-sabotaging thoughts and I need to push them away...but I just don't know how to.
Author kiss_andmakeup Posted October 26, 2011 Author Posted October 26, 2011 I've seen your pics....you're hot and hey....he's with you isn't he? Looks like he WANTS to be with you with all the plans. Just because he's more successful, and all that doesn't mean shiat when it comes to loving a girl he sees...no matter who she is, job or whatever. I know, I keep trying to repeat that mantra to myself. Obviously he wants to be with me, or he wouldn't be with me. But I can't seem to get those negative thoughts out of my head.
tman666 Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 It sounds like you've put him on a little bit of a pedestal. While I'm sure he's a great guy and worthy of your affections and time, everyone has their faults. Even if he seems "too perfect" right now, there will be some point that you hit a barrier with him that you'll have to overcome together. He'll likely have to do the same thing from his end regarding you. That's just how (in my experience) relationships work. Realize all that you're bringing to the table for him and the relationship while recognizing what he brings to the table. It's a team effort. A good relationship, in my opinion, isn't contingent on "Mr. Right" and "Miss Right" hooking up. It's about two people working together to create an equitable (as opposed to equal) relationship. Also, try to trust that he's not an opportunist who will jump at the first chance to "upgrade". I think a lot of the sentiments you expressed in your post will diminish or disappear altogether as your relationship with him matures over time.
Els Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 I think you're falling into the trap of assessing a person's 'value' solely based on their talents, skills, and achievements. We are not slaves, or prize dogs, that we would be evaluated as such. I honestly believe that society places far too little 'value' on the finer parts of personality such as empathy, honesty, tolerance, unselfishness and kindness. You have a man that does appreciate them. Good for you.
Author kiss_andmakeup Posted October 28, 2011 Author Posted October 28, 2011 I think I arrived at some sort of epiphany today. I'm a good person. I deserve to have someone wonderful love me. And if for whatever reason he decides he doesn't love me at some point down the line, I will be fine. In the meantime, I'm just going to be the best version of myself I can be. That's the only thing I have control over, after all. Worrying about all of these things that are beyond my control is a waste of the time I could be spending enjoying my wonderful life. So from here on out, no more. I do deserve this happiness, and I'm not going to sell myself short anymore. Thanks, to those who posted, for your support. It has helped. :]
Woggle Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 You seem like a genuinely nice person and believe me when I say the majority of men would love to have somebody with your personality in their lives. You deserve to have a good man in your life. I have also seen your pictures and you are very attractive and being a hairstylist is an honorable profession. Once you learn the business enough you could probably start your own place. You have a great personality and you are attractive which is what any reasonable man wants more than anything. Just because your ex was an idiot who ruined a good thing does not mean this guy will.
Author kiss_andmakeup Posted October 28, 2011 Author Posted October 28, 2011 You seem like a genuinely nice person and believe me when I say the majority of men would love to have somebody with your personality in their lives. You deserve to have a good man in your life. I have also seen your pictures and you are very attractive and being a hairstylist is an honorable profession. Once you learn the business enough you could probably start your own place. You have a great personality and you are attractive which is what any reasonable man wants more than anything. Just because your ex was an idiot who ruined a good thing does not mean this guy will. Thanks, Woggle. This made me smile and brightened my morning today.
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