trueluV Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 Let's say you had really strong feelings for a girl you met first time. and somehow you went on 5 more dates. first, you wanted to kiss her and hold her, but it didn't happen because the girl refused. somehow the girl started developing feelings for him and they kissed on the third date. however...after that third date kiss, the guy doesn't initiate anything physical, let alone a kiss. but, he does keep asking the girl out. what is this??? so, today, the girl-who is me- got a little disappointed and acted a bit "cold" to him when parting... in this situation, how would a guy feel?
thatone Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 i would feel like i'm being played, and she's only for keeping around for friday/saturday date purposes until a better option comes along.
joystickd Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 i would feel like i'm being played, and she's only for keeping around for friday/saturday date purposes until a better option comes along. I'm totally in agreement
oaks Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 in this situation, how would a guy feel? Sounds like he thinks you're not interested, which is causing you to act like you're not interested. I'm assuming you're not interested. If I was the guy and I realised you were playing games I would walk.
betterdeal Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 I'd feel a bit confused. I'd reason that we had feelings for one another, but for some reason(s) we hadn't hit it off well and now she's distancing herself a bit from me. It may be time to say something like "fancy a shag?" (if indeed you do fancy a shag)
Author trueluV Posted October 26, 2011 Author Posted October 26, 2011 I am not playing games at all...it might be the opposite. first this guy was coming on me too strong, even wanted me to go to his place on the first date, and of course i refused -not in a harsh way.. and he initiated the next two dates. we had a good time, and he asked me to come to his place again on those two dates, and i felt comfortable with him and my feelings started to develop so i went over. he tried to kiss me on the third date, and so we kissed and i started to have more feelings for him. then the 4th date, which he initiated again, we spent nearly 10 hours together hanging out, and he wanted me to come over to his place again, but he didn't even touch me. i thought why, but let it go. then yesterday, 5th date, we have dinner and he sends me home. no kiss, nothing, but he asked me when he can see me again...he does look like he is interested in me, but i am now starting to get confused..that is why i got a little cold to him when we were parting, because i wasn't sure what he is doing with me. so, i'm definitely not the one playing games, and i don't know what he wants with me. very confused. what do you guys think? and by the way, i have another post : http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t302763/ : he wanted a relationship with me from the start... this is all very confusing. what should i do, and how can i interpret this? thank you very much!!
thatone Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 it's not about how you interpret it, the issue is with how he interprets it. and you can't know what he's thinking unless you talk to him about it. so talk to him.
Author trueluV Posted October 26, 2011 Author Posted October 26, 2011 thought honest is the best policy at this point and emailed him. i explained to him why i acted distant when parting with him last night, and i also told him i enjoy spending time with him, but i was confused what wants with me-wanting a relationship with me on day two, kiss on day three, and after that nothing, not even a kiss or a hug?? but still wanting to meet me? really confusing. i'll see what he says. if he doesn't want anything serious or was playing with me, then it's better to know now than find out later. too bad i started to develop feelings for him... thanks guy.
TigerCub Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 thought honest is the best policy at this point and emailed him. i explained to him why i acted distant when parting with him last night, and i also told him i enjoy spending time with him, but i was confused what wants with me-wanting a relationship with me on day two, kiss on day three, and after that nothing, not even a kiss or a hug?? but still wanting to meet me? really confusing. i'll see what he says. if he doesn't want anything serious or was playing with me, then it's better to know now than find out later. too bad i started to develop feelings for him... thanks guy. If he was trying to play you, do you think he'll just come out and tell you that? Also, I'm wondering why you didn't kiss him on those days were you were getting pissed that he didn't kiss you. Do you always expect the guy to initiate stuff? He showed interest in you, he wanted to take things further, you slowed it down - fine, I totally get that and can respect that. Then he tries to kiss you, you kiss him back - awesome he takes you out 2 more times, but he's probably afraid to try anything with you because he doesn't know if its gonna be successful or if you're going to tell him no - so why didn't you ever kiss him if you wanted a kiss. You know he's interested in you, or why else would he keep asking you out?
betterdeal Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 People who are interested keep coming back. His actions say he's interested, and so are you. Maybe next time you meet, give him a hug and go for a kiss. Or say "aren't you going to kiss me?" in a cheeky way. He's probably looking for a cue, a hint, to be showing you the love
Pierre Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 I am not playing games at all...it might be the opposite. first this guy was coming on me too strong, even wanted me to go to his place on the first date, and of course i refused -not in a harsh way.. and he initiated the next two dates. we had a good time, and he asked me to come to his place again on those two dates, and i felt comfortable with him and my feelings started to develop so i went over. he tried to kiss me on the third date, and so we kissed and i started to have more feelings for him. then the 4th date, which he initiated again, we spent nearly 10 hours together hanging out, and he wanted me to come over to his place again, but he didn't even touch me. i thought why, but let it go. then yesterday, 5th date, we have dinner and he sends me home. no kiss, nothing, but he asked me when he can see me again...he does look like he is interested in me, but i am now starting to get confused..that is why i got a little cold to him when we were parting, because i wasn't sure what he is doing with me. so, i'm definitely not the one playing games, and i don't know what he wants with me. very confused. what do you guys think? and by the way, i have another post : http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t302763/ : he wanted a relationship with me from the start... this is all very confusing. what should i do, and how can i interpret this? thank you very much!! He was aggressive at the onset and wanted you to put out. That did not work. So now he isn playing cool and hard to get to see if you put out. This is part of the mating game and is predictable in humans. In fact, you are doing it too. You played hard to get in the party. It is rather silly!:laugh:
Author trueluV Posted October 26, 2011 Author Posted October 26, 2011 Thank you for your thoughts. do you think i blowed it by being distant to him? i mean, is there a chance he'll pull away from me because he suddenly felt i was cold and different? i did email him with my honest feelings and explained why i acted that way, and told him i'm looking forward to seeing him this weekend (he told me earlier he wants to see me this weekend), so i think if he is still interested he will meet me. but what if he pulls back? and wants to call it quits?? do you think there's a chance he got really upset by me and will want end it??
betterdeal Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 Hey, glass half full thinking is required. If he isn't ready to continue this courtship ritual with you, someone else will be. But he probably is ready. There's a chance all sorts of things happened. There's a chance he has been abducted by 6ft lizards aliens. You'll stress yourself out if you worry about the things that might have happened. Relax.
Pierre Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 Thank you for your thoughts. do you think i blowed it by being distant to him? i mean, is there a chance he'll pull away from me because he suddenly felt i was cold and different? i did email him with my honest feelings and explained why i acted that way, and told him i'm looking forward to seeing him this weekend (he told me earlier he wants to see me this weekend), so i think if he is still interested he will meet me. but what if he pulls back? and wants to call it quits?? do you think there's a chance he got really upset by me and will want end it?? You are doing fine and I need to congratulate you for not putting out. Be receptive and show interest. Do not sleep with him until you are in a secure committed relationship. There are many men that chase women to simply have sex. Once the woman puts out they lose interest. If the woman does not put out right away they also lose interest. Your guy seems different! The good guys keep coming back and are interested in you as a woman.
Author trueluV Posted October 26, 2011 Author Posted October 26, 2011 You are doing fine and I need to congratulate you for not putting out. Be receptive and show interest. Do not sleep with him until you are in a secure committed relationship. There are many men that chase women to simply have sex. Once the woman puts out they lose interest. If the woman does not put out right away they also lose interest. Your guy seems different! The good guys keep coming back and are interested in you as a woman. So good to hear a nice comment from you! because i've read a lot of your posts and you are quite critical and can be quite harsh i hope this one's a keeper... i do feel terrible i was so distant and almost mean to him when he asked me if he can meet me this weekend. (i said i'd have to think about it because he wasn't too nice to me today, something like that..) i was just so frustrated where this was going...but anyway i emailed him with my honest feelings so if he's a good one he'll reply. will keep you posted. thank you.
Pierre Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 So good to hear a nice comment from you! because i've read a lot of your posts and you are quite critical and can be quite harsh i hope this one's a keeper... i do feel terrible i was so distant and almost mean to him when he asked me if he can meet me this weekend. (i said i'd have to think about it because he wasn't too nice to me today, something like that..) i was just so frustrated where this was going...but anyway i emailed him with my honest feelings so if he's a good one he'll reply. will keep you posted. thank you. I know I post in a harsh manner, but I don't have much time to sugar coat. In real life I am way too gentle:p. Mating is a "to and fro (back and forth)" game. Watch animals in the wild, they do it too. It is common to assume the wrong thing about the other side and it is best to do as you did. Be clear and honest. In the mating game the part of acting distant and disinterested creates romantic tension and that is why is done.
InJest Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 Pierre made it way too complicated. The guy tried to get physical, you shut him down, so now he's backed off and is going at your pace. You'd better pick up the physicality soon though, or his will think you're playing games and/or disinterested; and I don't mean kissing.
Pierre Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 Pierre made it way too complicated. The guy tried to get physical, you shut him down, so now he's backed off and is going at your pace. You'd better pick up the physicality soon though, or his will think you're playing games and/or disinterested; and I don't mean kissing. I agree:o.
Author trueluV Posted October 27, 2011 Author Posted October 27, 2011 I know I post in a harsh manner, but I don't have much time to sugar coat. In real life I am way too gentle:p. Mating is a "to and fro (back and forth)" game. Watch animals in the wild, they do it too. It is common to assume the wrong thing about the other side and it is best to do as you did. Be clear and honest. In the mating game the part of acting distant and disinterested creates romantic tension and that is why is done. Pierre, I just love your "solid" comments! and i think this is one of the most gentle comment/post from you. anyway, as i posted earlier, i wrote an open & honest/clear email to him last morning, but i still haven't heard anything from him! is there a chance this guy is pulling away because he felt i'm not easy to satisfy or i was mean/somewhat rude to him (when i told him i'm not sure if i want to see him this weekend when he suggested, but again i didn't know what he wanted that time and was frustrated)? or if his feelings to me are true, he will get back to me? can a feeling die in one day? i should wait for his reply, right? or since i'm the one who acted a little weird and made him uncomfortable with this, should i wait one more day and text him and ask if we're meeting this weekend, or suggest something to do? what do you think? thanks
Pierre Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 Pierre, I just love your "solid" comments! and i think this is one of the most gentle comment/post from you. anyway, as i posted earlier, i wrote an open & honest/clear email to him last morning, but i still haven't heard anything from him! is there a chance this guy is pulling away because he felt i'm not easy to satisfy or i was mean/somewhat rude to him (when i told him i'm not sure if i want to see him this weekend when he suggested, but again i didn't know what he wanted that time and was frustrated)? or if his feelings to me are true, he will get back to me? can a feeling die in one day? i should wait for his reply, right? or since i'm the one who acted a little weird and made him uncomfortable with this, should i wait one more day and text him and ask if we're meeting this weekend, or suggest something to do? what do you think? thanks I will give you my opinion and this is my personal view. I understand the "to and fro" game and the direct approach. I am turned off by the direct approach by women. It somehow takes all the fun out of the courting. I enjoy the mystery in a woman and being completely open removes that mystery. I don't know this man. Some men love the direct approach and others like the mystery. As a man I also suffer from the typical syndrome of loving freedom and not having to answer to a woman. Getting serious with a woman threatens that innate nomadic instinct men man have. However, I rather have a steady GF rather than trying to get dates. So there is always some sort of ambivalence.
Author trueluV Posted October 27, 2011 Author Posted October 27, 2011 okay. so i still haven't heard from him, and i feel really bad about what i said and how i acted to him. that was not nice. it's been bugging me... so i texted him today, and apologized and said sorry and asked him if i can cook for him. i sincerely apologized and wanted to make up. do you think this is the best i could do in my situation now? so now, the ball is in his court, right? so should i wait for him to reply to me, or if i don't hear back from him call him tomorrow...? gosh, dating is so hard!
Author trueluV Posted October 28, 2011 Author Posted October 28, 2011 i still haven't heard back from him. i emailed him yesterday, and i texted today saying really sorry and i will cook for him and make up. can anyone help me out here please? i know what i did was not nice, but at some point shouldn't he accept it?? getting really frustrated...is he simply really hurt, or is he waiting to see how far i will go to apologize? what's going on a guys head in this kind of time? guys...please help me out! thanks.
thatone Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 some people are bad about checking email? if i didn't have a blackberry i'd never see mine. relax, wait for him to get back to you. don't overthink it.
Author trueluV Posted October 29, 2011 Author Posted October 29, 2011 so, i met him tonight and went to his place and cooked for him. we were talking after dinner, and at some point he told me he he needs time to develop his feelings. so i asked him what about when you said you wanted relationship with me, then he said he wasn't too serious and just blurted it out that time. anyway, the thing is i started to seriously develop feelings for him, and i noticed i got "played" by him... it is so sad and depressing and frustrating..... how can that be possible, to not have feelings for me? no wonder he didn't want to kiss me last time. (if you read my post) but we've already met like 6 times...and i thought we were having a good time. he totally got me. i'm so sad.
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