daisydukes Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 months and we met on Eharmony and not too long ago I found his profile on Okcupid. I didn't think anything of it because he hadn't logged on in ages but I still check up on him. He hadn't logged on in ages and today he logs on. Why is he doing this to me?? I am heartbroken beyond belief. He says he cares about me and does this. It is like he is living a double life.
lovebug1991 Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 Maybe he logged on to delete his profile...you never know. I would ask him about it.
Author daisydukes Posted October 26, 2011 Author Posted October 26, 2011 I cannot ask him about it because he doesn't know that I know he's on Okcupid. I stumbled on it by accident because my friend was looking for a boyfriend and she said isn't that your boyfriend? I said yes but we aren't exclusive so it's okay. 3 months later we are now exclusive and he's back logging on that stupid site and no he didn't delete it because it is still there. I am furious! I cannot bring it up because he doesn't know I know he is on okcupid. I just keep tabs on him seeing when he logs on which hasn't been on in least 2 months and he's back on there today.
PegNosePete Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 I cannot bring it up You have serious communication problems in your relationship, then.
Professor X Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 I cannot ask him about it because he doesn't know that I know he's on Okcupid. So what if he doesn't know? You think WE know the answer??? He knows better than us, so go ask him.
blueskyday Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 (edited) You need to bring it up. I had a similar situation after a month of dating. We were exclusive and slept together. Then I discovered his profile on a single site where people get together to do outdoorsy stuff. On his profile, it said "Single." I also didn't want him to know I found it. Wished I had just told him, but I didn't want him to think I snooped, which I did after he mentioned the site in a general way. What I did was mention the site when we were out buying hiking gear. I knew he had gone to events before, and when I was on the site saw he had one planned for a month or so in the future, where he said he was going to attend a weekend camping and river rafting outing....which he hadn't invited me to yet. I was actually fine with him going, just as a couple with me, or if I couldn't go then I would want it known to others that he was in a relationship if he went. Fair enough. So, I simply asked him if he was on the site and listed as a Single. He told me that he was single, but not daing anyone but me. Whoaa? What does that mean? I informed him that I wasn't comfortable sleeping with someone or seeing someone exclusively who was attending singles events, or who was even listed as single on some site. The next day I checked, and his profile had been deleted, and he had declined the singles camping trip. I liked that, and told myself he was a good guy. I wouldn't have minded him being on the site, just not listed as Single. Well, we didn't work out anyway. Guess I should have heeded the internal warning that sounded when I said "Hey, we are a couple, right?," and he responded "We are single, but not dating anyone else." When we broke up a few months later, he told me he just wanted someone to "go do things with" and wasn't ready for a relationship, even though he had pushed the whole relationship to the "I love you" and "Can't live without you" level. So, I'm not sure what this means for you. I still wouldn't want to be sleeping with a guy who was on a dating site. I can understand him forgetting to take down his profile, but logging on and not deleting it when you are a few months into the relationship would make me wonder if is still "shopping." You have every right to clarify the terms of your relationship. I would just be direct and tell him you saw his profile because you went online to make sure yours was deleted and saw his on this other site. Edited October 26, 2011 by blueskyday
cdm369 Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 It shouldn't matter if you snooped or not. You have the right to know reguardless of how you found out. When people act suspicious.....you question or investigate. If im not hiding anything, I don't care where you look or what you ask.
Space Ritual Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.....
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