AHardDaysNight Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 Long story short, for those who don't know me: I am a 28, almost 29 year old guy who just quit his job and moved back home to take care of his elderly grandparent. I am a full time college student, currently out of work, and rely on my mom's financial support in order to pay my college tuition. I am looking for a job, but haven't found one yet. And it'll be 3 more years until I graduate. I have limited dating experience. I had a handful of dates (at least, loosely called dates) that turned into friendship 2 years ago. I have never kissed a girl on the lips. I have never had sex, and am a virgin. I have never been in a long term, or even a short term relationship, barring a 3 month internet relationship that I had when I was 20, with someone 20 years my senior (and I don't even know if it was real, since we never took it offline.) I am anxious about my limited dating and relationship experience, especially at my age, but also don't want to get involved in a relationship, if I'm in a bad place to do it at the moment. I know I would make a good boyfriend, and girls seem to like me, but I'm shy and socially awkward and tend to scare them off (as I've mentioned before.) Anyway, to make a long story short, what should I do? Wait until I'm out of the nest, before I even consider online dating?
Lucky_One Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 Heck no. Of course you should date. Waiting until X, Y, Z is like waiting to have enough money before you have a baby - it never happens.
carhill Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 Do you have the time and resources to date? I ask because it sounds like your plate is pretty full and your resources are low right now. Will the time, energy and money take you away from important commitments you've made, or can you reorganize and prioritize to fit it in? My general answer would be no, don't wait, but you have unique circumstances. Thanks for being a caregiver.
aj22one Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 Have you ever lived on your own before? As for your question, no you shouldn't. Do what you want when you're good and ready. Several friends of mine still live at home (why I don't know) and still date and have girlfriends. It might be harder than dating when you have your own place though I will be honest there but that's not reason to not try.
Author AHardDaysNight Posted October 26, 2011 Author Posted October 26, 2011 How should I explain my current situation, though? I do want to wait until I'm able to pay for my own dates. I don't want to go running to my mom if I want to go to an expensive restaurant. My mom is probably the least controlling parent, at least now. She used to be controlling when I was a kid, but I can stay out all night, and she doesn't wait up for me or worry at all; she knows I can take care of myself. I've taken off to so many rock concerts and to see so many bar bands that she knows I'm pretty street smart. However, she is tight with money, being that we're not exactly rich...so...it's probably best if I hold off on asking out girls to lunch until I get a part time or full time job. I don't think women will hold me to the same standards as guys that leech off their parents. I mean, I don't go out and buy expensive things, all the money goes towards food and college tuition (which is necessary for my education), and I spend a lot of time at home taking care of my relative (which involves a LOT, since she has limited mobility and an increasing fading memory, which we think is dementia.) The main things I worry about are: A.) Financially supporting a girlfriend, which involves dinner dates, lunch dates, concert tickets, or whatever entertainment we do together, and B.) Finding a place to have sex (believe me, I would feel uncomfortable doing it here! And probably, so would she!) Anyway, any thoughts?
Lucky_One Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 I just read your reply on that other thread that I think prompted this thread. Dating doesn't mean that you have to bring a GF home to spend the night. Let's get you meeting a girl, kissing her, and getting to know her and establish a desire on both parts to go farther before you start saying that you can't bring her to your mom's house. Having sex can certainly happen, even if you live at your mom's. There are things called "her place", hotel rooms, tents and sleeping bags, and even your mom's house if you have privacy and your mom isn't home (and your grandparent is napping!). But let's not put the condom on just yet; find a nice girl to ask out first!
Author AHardDaysNight Posted October 26, 2011 Author Posted October 26, 2011 To answer your question: Yes, I have lived on my own before. At the age of 22, I moved out of my mom's house, into the college dorms for a year. I hated the dorms, despite making many friends, so I moved into an apartment, and got a full time job to pay for the expenses. I lived in my apartment for about 2 years. At the age of 25, my landlord raised the rent, and due to unforseen circumstances, I had a complete and total nervous breakdown and lost my job. I couldn't pay for my apartment anymore, so I moved back home, got on antidepressants, and tried to get back on my feet. A year later, I moved back out into another small apartment, that my mom helped me pick out (although I signed the lease myself.) I got another small job, and started going to another college that was right down the street. I made a few friends, almost got a girlfriend (I think I told you about that...we ended up as friends, though), and was incredibly happy. Then my relative got sick, and I quit my job, terminated my lease, and moved back in with her and my mom in order to take care of her. My mom couldn't do it alone (she's a nurse, but she's also 60 years old, and it's hard dealing with this especially when you're elderly yourself.) I continued and still go to the same college, but now commute from home.
Lucky_One Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 And dates can be cheap. Trust me. I have dated poor guys, electricians, teachers, a deaf guy, rich guys. And if she likes you, then she will be ok not being wined and dined all the time. She will simply like spending time with you. You can watch TV or movies together at home. You can go for walks. You can go to the beach. You can fly kites. Go to the lake and rent a kayak. See when they have cheap bowling. Take picnics. Experiment with baking bread. Go camping. Ride bikes. Women like creative, and most women like spontaneous. (To a point. Don't show up at her house at midnight in a clown outfit and try to have sex in a VW Bug.)
carhill Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 How should I explain my current situation, though? 'I'm studying xxx at Uni and caregiving for a relative at our family home'
Author AHardDaysNight Posted October 26, 2011 Author Posted October 26, 2011 I just read your reply on that other thread that I think prompted this thread. Dating doesn't mean that you have to bring a GF home to spend the night. Let's get you meeting a girl, kissing her, and getting to know her and establish a desire on both parts to go farther before you start saying that you can't bring her to your mom's house. Having sex can certainly happen, even if you live at your mom's. There are things called "her place", hotel rooms, tents and sleeping bags, and even your mom's house if you have privacy and your mom isn't home (and your grandparent is napping!). But let's not put the condom on just yet; find a nice girl to ask out first! Thanks for this. This helps relax me a bit. I definitely was thinking hotel rooms, or her place. But yeah, I'm thinking too far ahead! And dates can be cheap. Trust me. I have dated poor guys, electricians, teachers, a deaf guy, rich guys. And if she likes you, then she will be ok not being wined and dined all the time. She will simply like spending time with you. You can watch TV or movies together at home. You can go for walks. You can go to the beach. You can fly kites. Go to the lake and rent a kayak. See when they have cheap bowling. Take picnics. Experiment with baking bread. Go camping. Ride bikes. Women like creative, and most women like spontaneous. (To a point. Don't show up at her house at midnight in a clown outfit and try to have sex in a VW Bug.) Believe me, I'd definitely be up for picnics and stuff like that. I am a romantic at heart, and would love to do something like that. Or camping would be another idea. As a former boy scout, I've had my fair share of hiking in the woods and camping. No clown outfits! Not unless I was playing a practical joke on her, or one of her friends, haha. 'I'm studying xxx at Uni and caregiving for a relative at our family home' Perfect.
somedude81 Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 Apply for financial aid. Since you're over 25 you qualify as an independent student. Make sure nobody claims you on their tax return. Do the FAFSA in January. Since you are low income, you should be getting grants from the government. As for dating, don't wait.
Mrlonelyone Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 You are an older man going to university as an undergrad. To all the little <s>17</s>, 18, 19, 20 year old girls there you will be as attractive as a grad student, but without the iffy ethical concerns. Why bother with online dating, you are in position to casually approach women to whom you will be the most real available man around them. Approach the ladies at school.
musemaj11 Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 Living with your parents doesnt prevent you from dating. But that doesnt mean you are going to find a lot of women wanting to date you in the first place.
mr_sexxxy Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 Long story short, for those who don't know me: I am a 28, almost 29 year old guy who just quit his job and moved back home to take care of his elderly grandparent. I am a full time college student, currently out of work, and rely on my mom's financial support in order to pay my college tuition. I am looking for a job, but haven't found one yet. And it'll be 3 more years until I graduate. I have limited dating experience. I had a handful of dates (at least, loosely called dates) that turned into friendship 2 years ago. I have never kissed a girl on the lips. I have never had sex, and am a virgin. I have never been in a long term, or even a short term relationship, barring a 3 month internet relationship that I had when I was 20, with someone 20 years my senior (and I don't even know if it was real, since we never took it offline.) I am anxious about my limited dating and relationship experience, especially at my age, but also don't want to get involved in a relationship, if I'm in a bad place to do it at the moment. I know I would make a good boyfriend, and girls seem to like me, but I'm shy and socially awkward and tend to scare them off (as I've mentioned before.) Anyway, to make a long story short, what should I do? Wait until I'm out of the nest, before I even consider online dating? OK, now I see why you attacked me in the other thread. Jeez...
joystickd Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 I'm 29 and still stay with my parents and date. I'm a nurse so I make enough to be out on my own but I help around the house and help two of my sisters with college expenses. I also have a preference of owning my own home rather than rent an apartment. The only thing is you have to present it in a good way not like "oh by the way I stay with my parents".
mr_sexxxy Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 Long story short, for those who don't know me: I am a 28, almost 29 year old guy who just quit his job and moved back home to take care of his elderly grandparent. I am a full time college student, currently out of work, and rely on my mom's financial support in order to pay my college tuition. I am looking for a job, but haven't found one yet. And it'll be 3 more years until I graduate. I have limited dating experience. I had a handful of dates (at least, loosely called dates) that turned into friendship 2 years ago. I have never kissed a girl on the lips. I have never had sex, and am a virgin. I have never been in a long term, or even a short term relationship, barring a 3 month internet relationship that I had when I was 20, with someone 20 years my senior (and I don't even know if it was real, since we never took it offline.) I am anxious about my limited dating and relationship experience, especially at my age, but also don't want to get involved in a relationship, if I'm in a bad place to do it at the moment. I know I would make a good boyfriend, and girls seem to like me, but I'm shy and socially awkward and tend to scare them off (as I've mentioned before.) Anyway, to make a long story short, what should I do? Wait until I'm out of the nest, before I even consider online dating? You're relying on your mom to pay for college at the age of 29, you're living with a grandparent, you quit your job and you're not willing to work until you're at least 32. Did this grandparent ask for assistance? I doubt it; few grandparents are willing to ask a 30 year old grandchild in college for assistance, much less full time live-in assistance. This is your cover story for free rent, then. There is a lot to untangle here.
musemaj11 Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 If I hadnt started a career by the age of 25, I would rather kill myself because there would be close to 0% chance of me to ever become somebody.
Emilia Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 What are you studying? Is it going to make you more employable in the future or is it just an excuse not to work and live at home? Does your grandmother need two live-in carers? It sounds like you found living on your own too stressful on both occasions you tried, are you planning to overcome that somehow? What do you mean by not wanting a relationship, are you looking for casual dating? You will be able to find casual dates in your current situation but for a serious relationship women will want to know the answer to the questions above.
irc333 Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 You're in college, BIG dating pool there, have at it, ask a woman to be your "study buddy" ;-) Long story short, for those who don't know me: I am a 28, almost 29 year old guy who just quit his job and moved back home to take care of his elderly grandparent. I am a full time college student, currently out of work, and rely on my mom's financial support in order to pay my college tuition. I am looking for a job, but haven't found one yet. And it'll be 3 more years until I graduate. I have limited dating experience. I had a handful of dates (at least, loosely called dates) that turned into friendship 2 years ago. I have never kissed a girl on the lips. I have never had sex, and am a virgin. I have never been in a long term, or even a short term relationship, barring a 3 month internet relationship that I had when I was 20, with someone 20 years my senior (and I don't even know if it was real, since we never took it offline.) I am anxious about my limited dating and relationship experience, especially at my age, but also don't want to get involved in a relationship, if I'm in a bad place to do it at the moment. I know I would make a good boyfriend, and girls seem to like me, but I'm shy and socially awkward and tend to scare them off (as I've mentioned before.) Anyway, to make a long story short, what should I do? Wait until I'm out of the nest, before I even consider online dating?
eerie_reverie Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 What are you studying? Is it going to make you more employable in the future or is it just an excuse not to work and live at home? Does your grandmother need two live-in carers? It sounds like you found living on your own too stressful on both occasions you tried, are you planning to overcome that somehow? What do you mean by not wanting a relationship, are you looking for casual dating? You will be able to find casual dates in your current situation but for a serious relationship women will want to know the answer to the questions above. Yah. ... I think most women would need more details
Author AHardDaysNight Posted October 26, 2011 Author Posted October 26, 2011 I am studying something in the IT department. That's all I will say.
ptp Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 What are your reservations to dating right now? Why wait? I say you should go for it, no time like the present. There are many women out there who would love to meet a nice guy..go find them.
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