I said the worst thing to my girl...

[Sebastianthebear]

My on-again-off-again gf of 2 years and I just got into a huge fight. Don't know how to fix it, hoping you could give advice.

 

We're actually not dating right now, we're "figuring things out." So I guess she's my ex/gf. Funny thing,"we're" always figuring things out, and yet this whole time I've always wanted a serious relationship with her. But that's another post.

 

Background: I feel like this girl is constantly picking at my flaws. For example, I've told her within a month of dating that I like to run alone. I explained why (about a dozen times now). And yet she is constantly, constantly pressuring me to run with her. When I tell her I don't want to, she rolls her eyes and tells me I'm ridiculous. It probably happens once a week (whether we're dating or not).

 

Or sometimes I get really busy and stressed at work, and I let dishes pile up in the sink for several days. Every time she sees it, she has to comment that I'm a disaster & need to get my life together. I'm a professional, I do well in my career, I feel like I'm a pretty together person. I just am more lax on housekeeping than she is. I know it's not awesome, but it's my house, I live alone, and she's just over visiting. And yet it's like she can't resist commenting on it.

 

Ditto with driving. I never have had an accident or a ticket, and yet my driving is "dangerous." For a long time she brought it up every. single. time. I drove. Literally.

 

But food is probably the biggest subject of her criticism. I never eat well enough. I work a lot, I'm saving money, and I hate cooking, so I usually buy frozen veggies and pre-prepared chicken at the store. It's cheap and it stores well so I don't have to constantly go to the store. According to her it's soooo unhealthy, and it makes her cringe every time she sees it and tell me I'm not treating my body well enough. She's not a perfect eater either, she doesn't go a day without cookies or ice cream--and yet my way is so much worse than hers.

 

Anyway, my (ex) gf and I went for a quick trip to the grocery store tonight. She'd already brought up the running thing earlier that evening, with exactly the same results as always. I say no, she rolls her eyes and tells me how dumb that is. So I was already annoyed. It's late, I'm tired and starving, and I start looking at pre-made dinners I could heat up instead of bothering to cook. Nothing crazy unhealthy, honestly. Certainly better than fast food! She comes up behind me and says, "Ugh, don't buy that, it's basically just pasta, chicken, and veggies. Cook it yourself, it'll take 15 minutes."

 

Well, that's when I snapped. I whispered "**** you." I knew as the words were coming out of my mouth I'd made a HUGE mistake. She stormed off,

we checked out in silence, and didn't say a word for about 15 minutes on the drive to her house. She finally said, "If you want to keep talking to me, you will never say '**** you' to me ever again." I told her I was sorry, and tried to explain why I was feeling so beat down and argumentative about the food thing. She basically told me she would never critcise me again

(not in an apologetic way, in a 'fine, I'll never open my mouth again' way). I dropped her off without any more said.

 

She'd normally text me to make sure I'd gotten home safely, but not tonight. That's a hint she's seriously pissed. What can I do to make it up to her (without becoming a total push-over that accepts constant criticism)?

[HappyPanda]

Aside from these constant criticisms, are you happy with her?

 

As in, are you content being around her? Do you love her and have fun together? Or is it all piss and vinegar?

 

If you truly do care for her, I would certainly apologize for saying what you said and explain to her that although its not an excuse, but that you were hungry and cranky.

 

I would then go on to have a serious conversation about her persistent nagging of you. She has to know that whats she's doing to you is rude, annoying at best.

 

She cant change you. Not that she has to love every little thing about you, thats too idealic for real life... but, if she loves you, she'll love you flaws and all, even the ones that drive her crazy. No one wants to date their mother.

 

You need to tell her that you overreacted, and was out of line to say that (especially at the grocery store, yeesh) but that her constant criticism is putting a strain on your relationship, and that its creating a divide between you.

 

If your answer to the first questions I posed is no... well, then, there's your answer.

[ChessPieceFace]

She's a nag. You said it cause you finally snapped and said something after bottling it all up. Why deal with this crap? I wouldn't want to. (That's one of the many reasons I'm single...)

[fallenenvy]

Aside from these constant criticisms, are you happy with her?

 

As in, are you content being around her? Do you love her and have fun together? Or is it all piss and vinegar?

 

If you truly do care for her, I would certainly apologize for saying what you said and explain to her that although its not an excuse, but that you were hungry and cranky.

 

I would then go on to have a serious conversation about her persistent nagging of you. She has to know that whats she's doing to you is rude, annoying at best.

 

She cant change you. Not that she has to love every little thing about you, thats too idealic for real life... but, if she loves you, she'll love you flaws and all, even the ones that drive her crazy. No one wants to date their mother.

 

You need to tell her that you overreacted, and was out of line to say that (especially at the grocery store, yeesh) but that her constant criticism is putting a strain on your relationship, and that its creating a divide between you.

 

If your answer to the first questions I posed is no... well, then, there's your answer.

 

Can't really say that any better. I have to wonder what do you like about her? or do you even love her at all? Just going on that you went on and on about all the things she gets at you for and aggravates you.... what good qualities are there? And also perhaps compromise? If she KEEPS bugging you about the running thing maybe indulge her and run with her here and there. I know you said you have reasons for liking to do it alone.... but this seems to be something thats driving her nuts... so maybe give in occasionally if you are interested in making her happy.

 

Should never say **** you.... thats recipe for a fight. All you can do is apologize and blame it on being hungry ( i personally am a nasty biotch when im hungry and thankfully my bf knows that and usually makes sure i get fed) Don't by any means grovel tho.. i think that'd be going a bit too far.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Sebastianthebear, while I don't condone cursing at her, she has a few control issues she needs to work on and from what you shared, it does appear that she is picking on you. If you told her why you like to run alone but she keeps pressuring you to run together, then she is ignoring your needs. How often do you run? Could you two pick one day a week to run together and then the rest of the days can be your alone time?

 

As for the dishes in the sink, do you two live together? If you do, sometimes being a little more tidy is a matter of respect for the other person. For me personally, dishes in the sink aren't a big deal. But this is another matter you both would have to compromise on. She needs to be able to let things slid more easily and you'd just need to fine tune a little for a little consideration. However, I greatly dislike her "you're a disaster" comment and that you need to get your life together. Frankly, you should be straight up with her and tell her when she says things like that to you that you think it's wrong because you're a pretty good guy and got a lot of good things going on. Stand up for yourself respectfully. However, the fact that you have to stand up for yourself against your own gf is a red flag in my book.

 

 

Ditto with driving. I never have had an accident or a ticket, and yet my driving is "dangerous." For a long time she brought it up every. single. time. I drove. Literally.

 

She totally has control issues. If she is going to be in any kind of relationship she needs to learn to let things go. You need to talk to her calmly about this kind of stuff if you want a relationship.

 

But food is probably the biggest subject of her criticism. I never eat well enough. I work a lot, I'm saving money, and I hate cooking, so I usually buy frozen veggies and pre-prepared chicken at the store. It's cheap and it stores well so I don't have to constantly go to the store. According to her it's soooo unhealthy, and it makes her cringe every time she sees it and tell me I'm not treating my body well enough. She's not a perfect eater either, she doesn't go a day without cookies or ice cream--and yet my way is so much worse than hers.

 

You could be eating a lot worse. Frozen veggies and pre-prepared chicken isn't unhealthy. Again, look her in the eye and calmly tell her "I appreicate your concern but it's my body and I will decide what I put in it. Just as I respect your right to do the same."

 

It's late, I'm tired and starving, and I start looking at pre-made dinners I could heat up instead of bothering to cook. Nothing crazy unhealthy, honestly. Certainly better than fast food! She comes up behind me and says, "Ugh, don't buy that, it's basically just pasta, chicken, and veggies. Cook it yourself, it'll take 15 minutes."

 

Sometimes I buy pre-made dishes from the grocery store instead. Boxed dinners have a lot of sodium in them. They might not be better then fast food actually. Just a suggestion. HOWEVER, she sounds a bit controlling and demanding and she needs to learn to talk to you nicer.

 

 

She'd normally text me to make sure I'd gotten home safely, but not tonight. That's a hint she's seriously pissed. What can I do to make it up to her (without becoming a total push-over that accepts constant criticism)?

 

All you can do is apologize. She can choose to accept it or hold it over your head. You need a little more backbone here to stand up for yourself so it doesn't get to the point where you explode.

 

Look, in all honesty, she sounds selfish and kind of mean. I'm not sure that can be fixed.

[Eddie Edirol]

Sebastian, DO NOT apologize under any circumstances for saying what you did. What you did was show how you really feel about her nagging you. You cannot apologize for that. She wants a man to put her in her place, and you have to do that. Youve been too passive, and shes practically begging you to tell her to cut the shyt, and stick to it. She treats you like this maybe because she thinks youre going to just take it. Youre already holding a little bit of resentment because of how she is constantly criticizing you, but you let it fester until you blew up. problem is, youve been letting her beat you up without standing up for yourself to MAKE her stop with some kind of threat.

 

She probably doesnt even realize that shes doing it, its become habit and no big deal to comment on things that she doesnt like about you, which seems to be alot. This relationship has probably run its course, she probably likes nagging you all the time. Heres the deal, this is probably her nature, and even if you stopped her from doing it for a while, she would probably start doing it again soon after.

 

if she wants to talk about it, let her bring it up, but dont say youre sorry. You can tell her you will try not to curse at her again--after she understands what her nagging does to you, and how you got to a boiling point. if she doesnt want to understand, then you really need to re-evaluate this relationship. I can only assume that your on again off again situation has already been because of her control freak behavior.

[WhiteChocolate]

Look, in all honesty, she sounds selfish and kind of mean. I'm not sure that can be fixed.

I'm not sure how selfish or mean that is. But I do know that she holds you in contempt.

 

Why? Because eye-rolling is the classical sign of contempt.

 

Her constant nagging proves that she thinks you can't make decisions for yourself. Why would she feel the need to complain EVERY TIME you drive, run, buy food, etc? That's the way my mother used to treat me as a child, because as a child you forget things and don't listen.

 

I'm unsure why you even want to make it up to her. It doesn't seem like there's much love in this relationship. And people don't change fundamentally. It's been two years, don't think that one day she will magically stop nagging. Maybe it is time to move on. I think it would hurt less in the long run.

[dasein]

If you do some research into which couples last and which don't, you will find that the number one indicator of a failed, dead relationship is a disdainful attitude running one or both ways. I have experienced it personally and seen it many times, the result is always the same. You GF displays this in a textbook way, and things will never work with her for this reason. Get free man, life is too short. She must be very very hot for you to even stick around this long. Good luck. And no, do not apologize, she should be told "FU" every day by someone on principle due to her nasty, bratty attitude.

[Sebastianthebear]

Wow, I have to say I wasn't expecting so much bashing on my gf. Makes me feel a little better about blowing up on her like that.

 

To answer your questions, yes, I love her very much, I've been crazy about her all along. I tried to keep my post as short as possible, so didn't include anything that wasn't directly related to my issue with her; it's not that she doesn't have a million redeeming qualities. Apart from the criticism and keeping me at an arm's distance (emotionally/commitment-wise) she is a genuinely wonderful person. I have never known someone who was as present and thoughtful as she is. There is absolutely nothing I could ask for that she wouldn't give to me. I was seriously sick for weeks a month ago, and she was there every single day making sure I had everything I needed. She is someone I can always count on, 100%.

 

But I guess during this current "figuring things out" period we're in, I need to figure out how much criticism I can take, and figure out together how we can compromise so we are both fulfilled in a relationship together. All along I was sure if she'd just jump into our relationship with both feet we'd be awesome together, but after last night I guess I have more to think about.

 

No, we don't live together, we aren't even dating at the moment (technically). My messes are mine alone, and only get out of control during very stressful periods of my life. Oh! And when she's cooked in my kitchen recently.... The girl is an absolute slob when she cooks, and never cleans up after herself if she's in my house (but always does when she's in hers). It's of course fine if she's making food for both of us, it seems fair for me to clean if she cooks, but frequently she's just making food for herself (if I've already eaten, for example). Anyway, off subject, I'm just venting.

 

I sent a good night text last night, and with it apologized for saying what I did, that even though I felt provoked there is no excuse for using such language. She texted back saying it was ok, and didn't mention anything at all today when we got together.

 

I need to think very seriously if this girl can make me happy, since part of being happy is feeling like the person I'm with thinks highly of me. Damn, I really thought this girl could be the one for me for so long now, I hate to imagine her leaving my life.

[whichwayisup]

No matter how much you love her, her nagging and nit picking will eventually make you love her less and less and your heart will be filled with resentment and more major irritation.

 

You both have issues, both of you can learn to change your ways, make a big effort daily.

 

So, why not run with her once a week or once every 2 weeks? If you run 4 times a week, one day won't kill you..Seems it's just something fun she wants to do with you. She can stop and think before opening her mouth, learn that she doesn't need to smother you with what *she thinks you should do*. It's called pick your battles! Something she needs to learn.

 

You two can compromise, work together and drop the ego at the door. No name calling, no swearing at eachother.. If you feel the F-Off bomb coming, take a break and leave the room, calm yourself down.

[insertnamehere]

Short time lurker, first time poster . . .

 

1. There is no way to make it up to her and still maintain anything status above lapdog.

 

The simple act of apologizing after you made a huge insult and she set down such a distinct line in the sand will make you look like a total chump. You will never again know a day of peace that doesn't involve unmitigated submission to this woman.

 

2. It's clear why you said what you said. You need to not apologize and overtly lay down your own rules: if she can't cut crap, then you consider it no loss to walk away for good.

 

I had a friend who went through a significantly more immature version of the relationship you describe. Only she'd manufacture crap to complain about and force him into submission.

 

I told him over and over, she's testing you. She'll respect you a million times more if you lay down the rules.

 

One day, instead of laying down the rules, he completely blew up and told her to get her ****, get out and go away. And she's been desperately trying to restart the relationship ever since.

 

To his credit, he's having none of it.

 

My advice: move on. Happiness is the exclusive domain of those prepared to walk away from a bad deal.

[CanadianGirl83]

This is what I would want to hear from you if I was her:

 

1.) Apologize for swearing (not explain why), just say that for you that is not acceptable in a relationship (and shouldn't be) and that you respect her too much to ever do that again. (do not engage, explain, fight about it further - you apologized, it shouldn't have happened, and you will never do it again.) You can acknowledge her feelings of being upset about it. (chicks love that )

 

2.) Say you would like to come to a compromise about the issues - the running, the food, and the dishes.

you'll go running with her once a month as a special date? (or get some ideas from her)

 

Why don't you guys cook a 'healthy' meal together? (or ask her to cook for you and you'll do the dishes while she's cooking - that way you'll be working on something together and she can help you and feel needed.

 

3.) Tell her how you feel about her and that you would like to build a healthy happy relationship with her if she would help you do that.

[whichwayisup]

This is what I would want to hear from you if I was her:

 

1.) Apologize for swearing (not explain why), just say that for you that is not acceptable in a relationship (and shouldn't be) and that you respect her too much to ever do that again. (do not engage, explain, fight about it further - you apologized, it shouldn't have happened, and you will never do it again.) You can acknowledge her feelings of being upset about it. (chicks love that )

 

2.) Say you would like to come to a compromise about the issues - the running, the food, and the dishes.

you'll go running with her once a month as a special date? (or get some ideas from her)

 

Why don't you guys cook a 'healthy' meal together? (or ask her to cook for you and you'll do the dishes while she's cooking - that way you'll be working on something together and she can help you and feel needed.

 

3.) Tell her how you feel about her and that you would like to build a healthy happy relationship with her if she would help you do that.

 

This is good..But, SHE has to do some changing too. Your list only shows him doing the bending. If this relationship is to work out, they both have to compromise, it can not be one sided.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

DON'T make it up to her - just walk away. You don't need that sort of 'guidance' in your life.

[joystickd]

Why except bad behavior even if you have strong feelings for her? I would have said early on if you dont like it then leave. People do what you let them do.

[Sebastianthebear]

Ok, the running issue.... I was hoping not to explain it because it's a dumb personal issue, but what the heck. An ex from a few years ago (well before this girl) was a competitive marathon runner. I tried running with her, but even though I'm in reasonably good shape, I could never keep up with her. Instead of slowing down to my pace, she would make me feel absolutely pathetic and emasculated. It sounds silly, but her constant criticism made me feel so bad and self conscious that I stopped running entirely for several years. It was one of the (many) reasons we broke up and it remains baggage for me to this day.

 

I know it's something I should get over, but when I've agreed to run with someone in the past it's been miserable for me. I dread the run all day, and during the run I end up pushing myself too hard in order to "prove" I'm masculine, and get zero enjoyment from the run. I end feeling resentful of person who insisted on running with me, which creates pointless tension that wouldn't exist if I could go for my runs by myself like I like. We can do anything else together: hike, bike, swim, play sports, anything. Just for the love of god, let me run in peace. I look forward to my runs all day. It's just me and my dog, alone, giving me time to think and recenter. Am I so selfish to ask that it stay that way? Really?

 

Writing this down, I realize I'm even less excited to run with my gf than I normally would be because she is so comfortable pointing out my flaws, and feeling really vulnerable in front of her sounds particularly undesirable right now. Maybe if I felt confident that she loved and respected me I would let my guard down a little.

 

As for compromising about food and dishes: when I cook for her, I cook what she likes. She is not a health nut and I am not a dietary idiot, we just see different things as most important in a diet. I like getting whole grains, fruits, veggies, and some lean protein (and, like someone mentioned, I do watch salt intake), but am lax about the fresh/frozen status of what I put in my mouth. She seems to care less about the balance and more that most of what she eats is high quality and fresh (except her desserts). Honestly it is too high in protein and dairy for me to feel very healthy eating it daily, but I don't tell her to change her habits just because they aren't what I would do for myself. But when we're eating alone? Why on earth would anyone have to compromise on what he wants to eat when he is by himself, assuming the person in question is medically healthy and his diet makes him feel good?

 

I'm already compromising on my driving, I've changed some things that make her feel safer. New habits take some time to "set" though, and in my opinion she should let me get used to some changes and be happy I did change those things. Instead, as soon as I've changed one thing she finds the next worst thing to complain about.

 

insertnamehere, I'm honored my pathetic ramblings prompted you to post. I think my relationship has entered a tenuous period. I know I won't lose my cool like I did yesterday again, I've never snapped at a gf like that and now that I know I can, I will be extra careful to watch my mouth. But I know that if I do somehow slip and snap again, we're done for good. Likewise, though, I need to accept that if she can't stop the daily criticisms I need to move on.

 

I have to say, my old exes would be pissed if they saw how much I put up with for this girl, I've never let a woman get away with much in the past.

[Carlos S]

Christ, I can't imagine going out with her.

 

If I were you I'd end it. If you've broken up before, there are most likely persistent issues between the two of you. Anyone on this forum will tell you that as a reliable rule of thumb , if something she does irritates you, don't expect to get used to it as time goes by.

 

This seems like a great sign.

 

There are plenty of wonderful women out there, who would have taken care of you if you were sick and who would give you what you want.

 

Maybe that's just a reflection of what I'm looking for.

 

(On the topic of food, as a professional I can understand your eating habits. Perhaps that's why I might be a tad harsh on her (though as you say, you have other issues with her). I won't bash you for eating junk food because it's your choice, and you know the downsides - even though I've kicked that habit myself to where I'm happy. Consider making a huge batch at the start of the week and freezing. It should be cheaper and you have more choice in what you eat. I hate cooking too. Try eating at Subway more offer. And instead of junk food, how about cans of tuna fish).

[Ilovewater]

I also have to wonder why you put up with her nagging and criticizing. I'm not sure if you've mentioned it in your post, but have you ever told her and explain how her criticizing makes you feel? Does she see anything positive about you? From your posts, it sounds like she has nothing but negative things to say about you even though you've already compromised with her on multiple things (e.g. driving, cooking, etc.). It just doesn't sound very pleasant to be around her even if she's nice otherwise. I know I would not put up with that amount of nagging for 1 day let alone 2 years! If you want to stay with her, you'll have to know that she's not going to change...ever. You should be comfortable enough to do and say things around a gf without being worried about being judged! How are you going to manage this everyday if you stay with her?

[missed_theboat]

Wow, you seem like a good guy, and I don't think you should have to compromise something like your solitary running. Everyone has to have something private to themselves that is theirs. If you constantly did things alone like that without inviting her in, I could understand her frustration. But if running is just one of the things you like to do solo, then what's the big deal? She should just accept that it's something you enjoy and that you can share other activities together.

 

I don't know. My ex bf ran and I don't run, so I never asked to go along with him-

 

I feel like she does nag you quite a bit, and you should tell her that it's really getting to you. My ex definitely told me when I was being a nag, and he told me exactly how he felt about it. I would nag him for going out alone--but he told me to stop being insecure. He would definitely not let it go for very long if it bothered him. Him standing up to me got the point across, especially since he did it in a mature way.

 

Daily criticisms can harbor resentment and produce a rift between you two. If you don't confront her with exactly your feelings (this is making me extremely stressed and making me contemplate our entire relationship), then there will be more blow-ups. I don't blame you for going-off on her, even though it's not right. I understand completely! So, if you outline your true feelings and the possible consequences, and she continues to ignore your feelings and wishes, you will definitely have to evaluate whether she respects and values you enough to keep.

 

But, maybe she genuinely would be taken aback and realize she needs to be more supportive and understanding.

[Rita86]

So your ex used to make you feel bad, your current gf does the same on a daily basis why are you attracted to these kinds of women?

[Kamille]

I wonder why she is that controlling. Is it a way for her to feel valued in the relationship? As in: "what would you do without me?"

 

People often nag others not because they don't respect their partners but because they admire them and are trying to "compete". It's not about you, it'a about her valuing herself. She probably doesn't realize that her comments make you feel emasculated. (Annoyed she knows by now, but she likely doesn't realized that it's hitting something deeper).

[whichwayisup]

I have to say, my old exes would be pissed if they saw how much I put up with for this girl, I've never let a woman get away with much in the past.

Your "woman picker" is off. You keep attracting the same type of women, ones who are selfish, ones who are nit pickers, control freaks.

 

You need to find out why this keeps happening.. Is it something from your past? Your childhood? What was your mom like? Does she have any traits that your ex's had and present gf has?

 

You're allowing this into your life, for love?

[Sebastianthebear]

Thanks for the opinions everyone. You are great about giving me a sense of perspective.

 

Carlos, thanks for the support re: my food choices. I'm not sure I am willing to call my diet "junk food" based though.... Some roasted chicken at my deli and a bowl of (frozen, microwave-heated) mixed veggies? Is that really on par with McD's? I do cook one "real" meal every weekend, and make enough for 5-6 dinners. But, then I freeze the leftovers, and my ex disapproves of freezing food and gives me grief about eating "mush."

 

ILW, I've told her how I feel about each independent thing she criticizes me for (ie driving, running, eating, etc) but haven't sat her down and brought up everything at once. I suppose I should, I just know that when I bring up too much all at once she gets very defensive and not much changes. There's really no gentle way to tell a girl, "Hey, I love you, but you're a controlling nag and if you don't stop we're through." She already shuts down when we talk about any one aspect of my perceived "flaws," I think because she starts to feel really bad about herself.

 

Thanks MissedtheBoat, for calling me a good guy and supporting my desire to run alone!

 

I wouldn't say I attract controlling girls (or have a thing for them). Neither girl acted that way the first year we were together, it just after we became more serious things started coming to light. I've been in a handful of other relationships, and these girls treated me very respectfully. Maybe it's not my "picker" then, maybe it's my "dropper:" I just need to be willing to drop women more quickly than I do. BTW my mom was great, no controlling issues there. If anything she was a little too lenient, she's kind of a hippy.

 

I'd like the think my gf is trying to make me wonder what life would be like without her, but I don't think that's the case. I'm the one that always wants a serious relationship, to move forward, and she's always the one that "needs more time" to "see if we're good together."

 

On the bright side, she hasn't said a single negative word these past days. It feels like such a weight is off me, even though I know it's just temporary. She can tell I've pulled way back, which makes her go overboard trying to bring us back together again. A massive talk is inevitable, but I think I'm going to wait until some family friends of hers come to visit and leave. I want her to enjoy her time with them as much as possible.

[phillyfan]

Dude hav the big talk, lay it on the line, if she dont change, u need 2 call time on ur relationship. I mean cmon, the 1 important thing 2 u is runnin alone she knows this yet she nags week u after week afta week afta freakin week, i mean WTF - it is so freakin disrespectful of her, id hav dumped her 4 tht alone. But mayb she will wise up afta the talk if not tho u need 2 walk.

[thatone]

your ex sounds like mine...

 

Apart from the criticism and keeping me at an arm's distance (emotionally/commitment-wise) she is a genuinely wonderful person. I have never known someone who was as present and thoughtful as she is. There is absolutely nothing I could ask for that she wouldn't give to me. I was seriously sick for weeks a month ago, and she was there every single day making sure I had everything I needed. She is someone I can always count on, 100%.

 

 

except for mine she would've been taking orders from her sister/mother on what to criticize me about.

 

i'd bet money yours got her behavior from her mother too.

 

in fact we had that exact "arm's length" argument right before she broke up with me, and those were the exact words i used. because when put to a decision about whether or not she'll grow up, she'll leave you rather than deal with her issues. that's the purpose of finding something wrong with everything you do, defense mechanism.

Edited October 28, 2011 by thatone