Take it personal he went home for 2 months? Trust issues also

[Smucks212]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 1/2 years. We broke up last Oct - Dec because of issues that we couldn't really work out unles we were on our own. One of the maine ones being my own that had to do with my insecurities, which I am still currently working on

 

This summer he has 2 months off from schooland planned to get a job. He lives in town at an apt which is aout two minutes form my own apt. He decided after looking for jobs that he couldn't get one there so he would go back home (which is 2 hours away) for weekends to work. Immediately this upset me. I took it very personal because I felt like if he had put in a little more effort or hadn't been so picky he could most definitely find a job where we are aroun our school.

 

Evetually I just put that hurt aside even though I expressed it to him through anger, and he has now been going home to work there becuase he said he can make more money. I am still upset that he is doing this for a couple reasons, but don't know whether to let them bother me or just hold my toungue and support hime and know i will be with him in two months.

 

One thing that bothers me about the situation is the people he hangs around with when he is home. When I first met him, it was clear to me that he has many close friends who are mostly girls. He has one in particular who was his best friend until I came along. I met her briefly, when we first started dating and I became very jealous of her and his relationship and she began to talk me down and call me a "witch". I realize he stayed with me, however she is living in the town he is workign in and he has been hanging out with her quite a bit.

 

I don't knwo what their realtionship has been the past 3 years as since I became jealous of her, he didn't want to deal with those arguments and just stopped talking about her altogether. Now as we are trying to open the doors of communication and trust more, he will tell me when they hang out, but won't say much more than that and I am sure he omits sometiems they do because he still is working trhough the fact that i am not going to react the strong way I did in the past.

 

I don't know what to think of the fact when I picture them going to dinner together just to "catch up" or just eat dinner. I don't want to be very jealous, but I just hate that she gets to spend the time with him that I would if he had chosen to find a job here instead of go there. He told me the reason he is doing this is because he can make more money and work more shifts, but I honestly don't see him working much more than if he were here or making more, yet he's spending more going out with her and whoever else.

 

I am debating when I go to see him this weekend, whether it would be okay or not to ask if he wanted to see if she would hang out with us and other people if he wanted. I don't know if it would be awkard cause the last I heard of her was three yeras ago and she didn't like me too much and vice versa. I don' tknow if I should clear the air with her, just forget about how immature we were, but I am reminded of "keep your friends close and enemies closer" and just want to see how they interact with each other and what kind of relationship they have. It is just hard for me to tell because he has a very hard time opening up to me on certain things, such as her.

 

The other thing that bothers me is how often we talk. I want to talk to him at least once a day and he could probably do every other. I just don't know how to do these long distance relationship things, even though it's only 2 months, I figure even if he starts classes he will be commuting back and forth to keep the job since he still doesn't have one around this area. Any advice or thoughts on this would be very helpful, he is a nice guy I don't have a fear that he would cheat on me unless it was more emotional involvement with someon than sexual and I guess I am just still taking it personal that he went home, rather than try to stay around here and be less picky about where he wanted to work so we could spend more time together. It's hard from seeing him everyday to not even knowing if I talk to him everyday. Thanks for listening!

[shellgranado]

isnt he spending more money by going there to work i would think so i know some people dontbelieve in this but i would do alot of spying try to catch him out with her stand back and watch that would tell you alot about the situation i know how girls play there games i dont want you to be the fool in the end

[Smucks212]

For one thing even if I wanted to spy, he is 2 hours away there is no possible way I could do that. Which brings me to what I have done before. I have checked his phone to see if he talks to her and he does about once every two weeks I would say, therefore in my right mind I am trying to tell myself they are just friends who catch up every so often.

 

We had a talk about trust and I told him my bottom line is taht I will be gone if he is dishonest with me anymore because the things in the past have just broken it so much taht stupid lies right now will not help me to trust him completely. He was very responsive when we spoke about that, however I know he still has a hard time coming out telling me things he's not used to doing because he's just not used to it, which I think is immature, but I also think I need to be patient with that.

 

The thing I think I need is just reassurance and I don't know how to ask for that without sounding like a jealous girlfriend or without feeling like I am way more insecure than I am. It's just that when I go out with friends or meet new guys or something I will tell him, casually I will mention who I went out with, where we went and just tell him any info that I "caught up" about such as what he's doing now and everything. With my bf it's like I have to pull teeth "oh is she in classes or what's new with her".

[Ally Boo]

A long distance relationship would be tough in general, especially considering what you've gone through in the past in your relationship. I think that going out with her and other people is a great idea. Tell him exactly what you said...put the immaturity aside.

 

I've been in a situation similar to this in the past...only I was the friend. My best friend since I was 12, and I had some serious problems when his woman got jealous. In fact, she and I had several arguments. But, in the end, I realized we both loved him, just in different ways, and we both wanted him happy. And we were both willing to put it all aside and let it all go. It was hurting him too much feeling torn between us.

 

Keep in mind, that if she had wanted to date him, she would have before you ever came along. They obviously determined their relationship before he even thought about dating you. So, trust him, and let it go. Otherwise, you're hurting him and yourself, over something that doesn't have to be so complicated.

 

Maybe you should consider picking up a hobby like pottery or something, to keep yourself occupied...it will keep you from reading too much into his actions while he's away.