C4.23 Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 Hey, LS! Hope all is well. I frequently keep up on the threads here, and am always amazed by the amount of help you guys offer. With that said, hopefully you guys could send some of that assistance this way. Apologies in advance as this could get long, but here's my situation. I'm 21, and my ex is 19. We live about 90 mins apart (LDR), so the way we met years ago was truly lucky, as she is my best friend's cousin. We met at his HS graduation in '07, and were both mutually attracted to one another. Given our ages at the time, though, a relationship was never really possible at the time. Then, right around Thanksgiving last year, my friend/her cousin set us up to talk, as it was three years later. Hit it off like nothing I've ever experienced! 20 page texts and all lol. This wave of attraction and momentum was rode upon by us thru Valentine's Day, etc., as we went out, had fantastic times, and became "exclusive" in April. Our relationship was going strong until right after her birthday in July. Mine is in June, so I wanted to basically give her the world for her's since she did a lot for mine a month earlier. Not to mention, I loved her (still do) like no other, as well as her saying many times that she loved me, I was the best and she would never think about "downgrading", etc. *Long story short, she essentially had Christmas in July as a result, and the very next week, I could feel something changing. Less calls, less texts, all that jazz. Hell, I still haven't even seen her since then. I was slightly in denial that she was checking out mentally, as I never thought she would do such.* It came to a head between August and September. She got a couple jobs, and heightened her distance from me dramatically, as it went from a couple days to a week, and after one conversation in between, poof! Nothing for a month. It didn't hit me until I found out, thru my best friend, the day of her daughter's birthday party. It was Labor Day weekend, and guess who got no invite? Yup. So I went NC from mid-August until Sep. 1, then cracked and pleaded to know what the deal was. No response for two weeks, until she texted me saying she didnt know how to explain things (her feelings) to me, how she hadn't heard from me, wished me and my family well, etc., before ending with "bye C4.23...".I was livid, obviously, and texted her rationally (mistake, I know), tried calling, using my friend to get thru, and I even said some things thru social media which criticized her for ignoring me. Of course, all this was met with a response from her the next day telling me to just chill out.* Yes, this forced my start of severe NC. I was back in school, working, and working out furiously by then. Three weeks in, she texts me asking to call, as my best friend's sister said that I needed closure, and that "she at least owed me that much". I waited 7 hrs to reply (as if I were at work), and told her she could. *She fell asleep by then, though, and texted me the next day, sating she's getting annoyed we couldn't catch each other, and maybe sge should let it be what it is (was?). I responded by essentially saying she could try calling again, but if not then it would be ok, as I just wouldn' want a great friendship to go down the tube. THEN she says she loves me and doesn't know how to just be friends with me or how I could say such, but could try.* That was two weeks ago, and she's been initiating contact ever since. I've played it very cool, being funny while talking to her, still keeping busy to a degree, etc. She's even being herself again when we talk, making jokes about football (she's a Redskins fan, I'm a Panthers fan), contacting me with no resistance, laughing, all that. Well, our teams played each other a couple days ago, and we made a light bet with the loser doing something for the other person's team (which I won, obviously lol). That's where I'm at now, and I can feel the flame re-kindling...I just don't know what to do now. We last talked briefly on Sunday, but I want to ask her to hang out at the mall either this weekend or next. I want to capitalize on the opportunity that this game/bet has created before its too late. I haven't initiated contact once, and we've gotten this far. So should i initiate contact this time and ask her (non-needy vernacular, of course) ? Or do i let her contact me first again, and then ask? I'm definitely aiming to get her back, as I know we love each other and can make this work, long distance, daughter from her ex, and all. I just don't wanna blow my shot, as I'm no longer needy for her, just merely WANT her back! What do you guys think of all this? Any and all help is highly appreciated, as I may not be able to do this without you guys' guidance.*
Author C4.23 Posted October 26, 2011 Author Posted October 26, 2011 So I've decided to initiate contact this time and attempt to do lunch next weekend. I'm just not sure if doing this would give her the power once again, though. So is this the right move? Any suggestions are appreciated.
michelleishere Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 Have you told her what you want? Just lay all the cards on the table. I really would suggest (and it's just my suggestion) if she cannot give you what you want and you cannot give her what she wants, then go NC. NC is sooooooooooo hard but worth it in the end
Author C4.23 Posted October 26, 2011 Author Posted October 26, 2011 Hey, michelleishere. I'm certainly glad you are right about now! Admittedly, I haven't told her what I truly want just yet, because I wanted to at least regain the attraction that she lost for me months ago, which led to our breakup. I was, however, planning on laying it all on the line if/when we met in person. I guess I just want to be more challenging this time around, but not overly so. You're right, though. I definitely would go back to NC if she declined my attempt at reconciliation. But if she really loves me, as she said she does when she broke my initial run of NC, then I do agree its more than worth the risk to show my hand. So should I just forget about doing so in person and just spill the beans over the phone instead?
Author C4.23 Posted October 27, 2011 Author Posted October 27, 2011 So Wednesday has come and gone, and I don't think anyone could possibly be more happy about it than me. I had been so confident over the past month, throughout my 3 weeks of NC plus the past couple weeks that my ex and I have had LC, that we would inevitably be back together. This...bravado and (false?) hope turned into real fear and complete pessimism yesterday, though. I guess I'm just thrown off by how she went from initiating contact on a near daily basis to not saying anything since Sunday. I just feel like it's all starting to slip away from me, and I can't just go NC until she says something else at this point anymore. I don't even care if I fail at this mission anymore, but I will be going out on my own terms if so. I still have hope, and maybe I'm just being tough on myself, but it just seems kinda bleak right now. Are these confidence shifts normal in cases like this or do I have legit reason to feel this way?
Author C4.23 Posted October 27, 2011 Author Posted October 27, 2011 Update: So I take a risk today and initiate contact this time (thru text), and no response. I figured this was a likely outcome, so I'm not too upset with it right now. I just slightly upset with myself, as I knew I shouldn't have went with my gut on this one, but hey...back to indefinite NC it is, I suppose. Any thoughts or suggestions on what this means for the future, o even why she took this route? I figure I'll consider what you guys may have to say on this, since my own rationale seems to have me back at square one.
Author C4.23 Posted October 28, 2011 Author Posted October 28, 2011 ThatLuckyGirl : Thanks! Like you said, worrying so much about the whole thing would only be detrimental to myself. NC thus far has helped tremendously, as I've been able to do better in school, feel generally more upbeat, and even meet/reconnect with other people, so it somewhat feels like a new beginning. As for earlier, she did actually reply to my initial message, I just received it a few hours late. I eventually replied hours later (which may even be a good thing), and that's where things are right now. Ball's back in her court since she has yet to reply, so I'll just do me until she volleys again. I'll be sure to keep you all updated!
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