Why am I being attacked just because I want a sexy, successful man?

October 25, 2011

because no one owes you anything. you seem to think that they do.

When did I ever say I would never bring anything to the table?

What you do offer - evidently good looks, willingness to give sexy lingerie dances, clean an apartment and cook, is not considered a viable "trade" to almost anyone other than yourself. A "sexy, successful man" like you want for yourself can have all of these services easily from any number of women who might be even far more good-looking than you are. And they can get a different hot woman to do sexy lingerie dances every week, if they want!

Sorry, but you don't offer even a fraction of enough to get what you want in return.

And many people respond very negatively to your attitude of entitlement.

I'm sure all this info has been made clear, though, in your other threads.

Entitlement? Where is this coming from? When did I ever say im ENTITLED? I simply said this is what i'm looking for.

So in short. Have your own standards whether high or low (as viewed by everyone else). Just know that if you are hoping for someone with lots of high value, it may take some time to find that person. Such is life.

You're absolutely right on that. I think that's why we all settle, because no one ever meets your standards. But you can't blame a woman for looking and wanting these things.

So that's what you want.

I don't equate that with a golddigger, because, if I were dating (and I'm not!), I'd want to be financially successful, so that I can support children (if they come out of the relationship.)

If you don't want children, and you work yourself, I don't quite understand why you'd want someone who's well off, unless you were a golddigger?

Why would I be a golddigger if I am perfectly capable of making my own money to travel, buy jewellery etc?

I just don't want a broke man who can't carry his own weight. I don't want marriage or kids but that doesn't mean I don't want a relationship.

I don't see how these men can be angry with FS. She's right that men do not want to settle for a plain Jane even though looks fade. Why is her request for a goodlooking, high salaried man any different than what the men want?

Thank you

I feel you and agree with you 100%. Just a thought though maybe the reason you cant find the kind of guy you are looking for, is because those kind of guys are not attracted to you

Very possible actually. That means I only attract poor fathers. Great.

I respond to people who come from a place of extreme entitlement very negatively, whether they are men or women. Or kids, for that matter.

Again, where is this entitlement coming from?

Men dont want to seetle for plain jane?

most people i see in relationships are quite average looking so most men seem to be "settling" with plain Jane

Exactly. It's SETTLING. Doesn't mean that they don't want a hot woman.

October 25, 2011

Will play devil's advocate and find OP's candor refreshing. She isn't coming here with the typical rationalizing female BS criteria and then making threads about why the guys she actually chooses and gets involved with who meet NONE of her stated criteria and are actually the hot, rich "FWB" guys that the women chase after and share in a harem with other women don't work out and crying "woe is me!" "Why did he fade out??" "Why won't my '10+' FWB commit to me, a 6??"

She isn't out sleeping with lots of FWB and then looking for a "sucker/provider" and accepting courtship traditions from those types while doing whatever she wants with her NSA life. She is stating what she wants and seems to be pursuing her goal to get it. Whether this will bring her happiness or not is another question for another day. If even half of women were as honest as OP, here and IRL, I wouldn't have such a bad gender attitude. She's OK in my book.

yeah i gave her the benefit of the doubt in another thread once too.

but as is usually the case, that was a mistake.

the reason she's frustrated, in her own words, is she doesn't have anything to offer the men she wants. because she isn't what they want.

an exceptional man, by virtue of having exceptional looks or exceptional wealth or whatever, is going to want an exceptional woman. a woman who thinks she is entitled to him, quite frankly, is just like every other selfish person walking the street.

and though you could never convince her of any of this i'm sure, it has very little to do with her appearance, and everything to do with her attitude.

When did I ever say I would never bring anything to the table?

it's not what you haven't said, it's what you have said. again, people can rarely hide who they really are.

Edited October 25, 2011 by thatone

October 25, 2011

yeah i gave her the benefit of the doubt in another thread once too.

but as is usually the case, that was a mistake.

the reason she's frustrated, in her own words, is she doesn't have anything to offer the men she wants. because she isn't what they want.

an exceptional man, by virtue of having exceptional looks or exceptional wealth or whatever, is going to want an exceptional woman. a woman who thinks she is entitled to him, quite frankly, is just like every other selfish person walking the street.

and though you could never convince her of any of this i'm sure, it has very little to do with her appearance, and everything to do with her attitude.

it's not what you haven't said, it's what you have said. again, people can rarely hide who they really are.

False, it probably has a lot to do with her appearance--at first at least.

October 25, 2011

Constantly on this forum, even when I answer other threads, I am shot with "well FS all you want is a sexy man with money".
Seriously? So all of a sudden all the guys are offended because they aren't hot and successful?
This bothers me so much. Yes, I want a successful man as much as a man wants a beautiful woman. NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.
F*ck. Now I understand why I can't find a decent guy, instead of getting of their lazy a** and go to the gym, they just complain that women are shallow and only want a sexy body. And instead of actually getting a good job, again, they just sit on their lazy a** and complain that women are golddiggers.
I could equally stop going to the gym, get fat, stop working so hard, get poor, and then complain that all men want is a hot girl who is independant. Then i'll spend all my time complaining that I can't find a decent guy because all men are shallow.
Seriously.

I think most posters are cranky with the fact that you feel like you deserve something that you don't.

As far as I can see, you have very little to offer an attractive successful man.

I'm fit and making well over six figures. The woman I'm dating is currently handling my stock portfolio and it's up 20% over the last 3 months in a down market. I guarantee she is prettier than you, smarter than you, and has a better personality than you!

So, step up your game chica or stay single.

October 25, 2011

You're absolutely right on that. I think that's why we all settle, because no one ever meets your standards. But you can't blame a woman for looking and wanting these things.

I think another reason people end up "settling" is because they reconsider the things they thought were important to them. A guy realizes that maybe the objectively hot woman is somewhat of a ditz or doesn't like to have fun, or is lousy in bed. A woman might realize that the successful guy makes a lot of money and has a lot of prestige but he works 75 hours a week and never spends time with her, or he's no fun or whatever. Everything has trade offs. Just do whatever ends up making you happy.

October 25, 2011

I think most posters are cranky with the fact that you feel like you deserve something that you don't.

As far as I can see, you have very little to offer an attractive successful man.

I'm fit and making well over six figures. The woman I'm dating is currently handling my stock portfolio and it's up 20% over the last 3 months in a down market. I guarantee she is prettier than you, smarter than you, and has a better personality than you!

So, step up your game chica or stay single.

So... you're making 7 figures? lol

October 25, 2011

because this is her mentality...

that's why she will NEVER get what she wants.

this was all discussed pretty much at length in the 'settling as women get older' thread.

the consensus among men being, that appearance not enough. and quite obviously, that is all she has to offer.

Stop being so bitter. You have no idea what I can or cannot offer.

Furthermore!

The stance that hinges upon people not being "good enough" for you is very … unattractive.

There are plenty of guys on LS who constantly display this same position and it offends me just as much. You know, the ones who say things like "low quality woman" and "not perfect enough for me." My disgust and disdain for people who judge other people like this knows no gender boundaries.

Nothing wrong with liking what we like. Who wants to be with a person who is a moocher or who we don't find attractive? No one. Those who accept a person like that clearly have issues of their own.

But if you have your "laundry list" of what you think you deserve, just because you are … pretty? and you're not getting that, guess what.

It's all on you.

I agree with you entirely, but just because a man doesn't mean my standards doesn't mean I beat him down, rub it in his face and make his life living hell. I simply discontinue to date him. How is that so bad?

Better then leading him on, then complaining he's not good enough and spend the entire relationship trying to change him. Women whose standards are not quite as high as mine do these things, so I don't think my blunt, and sometimes offensive, honesty is so bad.

No complaints from me. I've heard this from LS females in real life too, almost the exact same words. You want what you want. I hope you find it.

My only caution, and this is borne from a long life of being with women and married to one, is please don't speak to and about those who don't meet your 'standards' like they don't exist. All humans are valuable, even if not your cuppa. Those not meeting your standards can be a valuable asset in your life and you theirs. Thanks.

Again, you're right, but people often misinterpret high standards for "bitch". Just because I want these things in MY man, doesn't mean i devalue others because they don't possess these qualities. I simply don't date them, but that doesn't mean they are worthless useless pieces of crap.

Being pretty hot and sexy myself, I don't have anything against what you're saying.

However if those two things are the only qualifications for a man in your life, you might get a lot of shallow relationships with men who just want a hot piece of ass woman and not too much emotional connection or other ****. I suppose thats not what you meant, but that might be what others think you mean, you know what i mean?

Yeah. You're right, some others have mentioned this before, I came off wrong. Then again, I prefer that then keeping it all to myself, and then after a few dates coming out with "you're not good enough". I think that's worse. I would rather the guy think im a high maintenance bitch so he won't be so hurt and surprised when I walk (or he walks) away.

She isn't out sleeping with lots of FWB and then looking for a "sucker/provider" and accepting courtship traditions from those types while doing whatever she wants with her NSA life. She is stating what she wants and seems to be pursuing her goal to get it. Whether this will bring her happiness or not is another question for another day. If even half of women were as honest as OP, here and IRL, I wouldn't have such a bad gender attitude. She's OK in my book.

lol

Well thank you

October 25, 2011

Stop being so bitter. You have no idea what I can or cannot offer.

I agree with you entirely, but just because a man doesn't mean my standards doesn't mean I beat him down, rub it in his face and make his life living hell. I simply discontinue to date him. How is that so bad?

Better then leading him on, then complaining he's not good enough and spend the entire relationship trying to change him. Women whose standards are not quite as high as mine do these things, so I don't think my blunt, and sometimes offensive, honesty is so bad.

Again, you're right, but people often misinterpret high standards for "bitch". Just because I want these things in MY man, doesn't mean i devalue others because they don't possess these qualities. I simply don't date them, but that doesn't mean they are worthless useless pieces of crap.

Yeah. You're right, some others have mentioned this before, I came off wrong. Then again, I prefer that then keeping it all to myself, and then after a few dates coming out with "you're not good enough". I think that's worse. I would rather the guy think im a high maintenance bitch so he won't be so hurt and surprised when I walk (or he walks) away.

lol

Well thank you

lol please when you described dating a short man you acted as if you were better then him and acted like it was some jail sentence

October 25, 2011

Contrary to popular opinion most successful men do not just care about having the hottest chick they can get. This is why women who claim they are hot and sexy complain that they can't find the rich guy they are looking for. They don't bring anything to the table other than looking hot and to top it off some of them think they should be treated like the Queen of Sheba because of that fact.

Most successful men look for much more than that in a mate.

October 25, 2011

I think another reason people end up "settling" is because they reconsider the things they thought were important to them. A guy realizes that maybe the objectively hot woman is somewhat of a ditz or doesn't like to have fun, or is lousy in bed. A woman might realize that the successful guy makes a lot of money and has a lot of prestige but he works 75 hours a week and never spends time with her, or he's no fun or whatever. Everything has trade offs. Just do whatever ends up making you happy.

You're absolutely right. I will never reach that understanding until I have experienced these things. So for right now, my wants remain the same. But I do get what you're saying. I guess you learn with experience.

I have yet to experience a successful man.

So... you're making 7 figures? lol

LOL i like you

October 25, 2011

lol please when you described dating a short man you acted as if you were better then him and acted like it was some jail sentence

Is that what you think? Then that's where your mind is. I'm not there, sorry.

October 25, 2011

So... you're making 7 figures? lol

Uh... good point, that turn of phrase only makes sense when you hear it on TV.

Lets just say according to today's wall street protestors... I'm still in the 99%.

October 25, 2011

Wait wait wait. So this beautiful girl asks how much you make, and SHES NOT A GOLDDIGGER and its okay. And "according to today's wall street..."

Is it just me or is there a contradiction going on here..?

October 25, 2011

Look, your standards can be whatever you want them to be.

However, as unkindly as some people have put it here, it essentially boils down to the same thing. You are shooting yourself in the foot by having unreasonable standards.

October 25, 2011

Look, your standards can be whatever you want them to be.

However, as unkindly as some people have put it here, it essentially boils down to the same thing. You are shooting yourself in the foot by having unreasonable standards.

They aren't unreasonable, they're just uncommon to be found in one man.

I have been settling my entire life with the relationships I have had. I can't even convey how sick of it I am (and I don't mean just settling money wise).

If I never settled I would still be a virgin without ever having a relationship, so i'm not saying settling is bad, because I have learnt alot.

But imagine that you will NEVER find what you want, ever. How horrible is that?

Might as well shoot myself now.

October 25, 2011

They aren't unreasonable, they're just uncommon to be found in one man.
I have been settling my entire life with the relationships I have had. I can't even convey how sick of it I am (and I don't mean just settling money wise).
If I never settled I would still be a virgin without ever having a relationship, so i'm not saying settling is bad, because I have learnt alot.
But imagine that you will NEVER find what you want, ever. How horrible is that?
Might as well shoot myself now.

Ugh... those men being uncommon isn't the issue. It's just YOU need to be uncommon as well, and from the way you present yourself... your not.

Don't give up if that's what you want though. Miracles can happen. Just take up some hobbies that rich guys like... Golf, Sailing, Stocks... whatever. Find some way to be exceptional yourself.

October 25, 2011

They aren't unreasonable, they're just uncommon to be found in one man.

I have been settling my entire life with the relationships I have had. I can't even convey how sick of it I am (and I don't mean just settling money wise).

If I never settled I would still be a virgin without ever having a relationship, so i'm not saying settling is bad, because I have learnt alot.

But imagine that you will NEVER find what you want, ever. How horrible is that?

Might as well shoot myself now.

FYI - it's learnED not learnT

Might want to check that grammar if you're after a rich, successful, attractive man - he probably has a higher education.

Since no one has asked, I will...what do you DO to make your 6 figures and stay uber hot in order to attract a similar man?

October 25, 2011

Constantly on this forum, even when I answer other threads, I am shot with "well FS all you want is a sexy man with money".

Seriously? So all of a sudden all the guys are offended because they aren't hot and successful?

This bothers me so much. Yes, I want a successful man as much as a man wants a beautiful woman. NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.

F*ck. Now I understand why I can't find a decent guy, instead of getting of their lazy a** and go to the gym, they just complain that women are shallow and only want a sexy body. And instead of actually getting a good job, again, they just sit on their lazy a** and complain that women are golddiggers.

I could equally stop going to the gym, get fat, stop working so hard, get poor, and then complain that all men want is a hot girl who is independant. Then i'll spend all my time complaining that I can't find a decent guy because all men are shallow.
Seriously.

"Successful" is a very relative term. "Financially secure" is a little more objective, but again not very specific. There are different levels of financial security.

If you want a man that's self sufficient - a man that can cover his day-to-day living expenses and monthly bills on his own - I find it hard to believe that you can't find ANY guys that fit this minimum qualification. If it's really that hard, maybe you should try dating in a different demographic.

The next level up in "financial security" (as I see it), would mean that he can cover his bills and expenses and still has a good amount of disposable income. This would mean he's got extra money to spend on dinners/movies/outings and gifts for you on a regular basis, maybe a weekend getaway a couple times a year. If this is the level of security you're looking for....do you match this level economically? If you don't, but you're expecting the man to...that's a little hypocritical. Women have every ability (in the US and Western Europe, anyway) to earn just as much as men, so there's really no good excuse for you not to be earning the same amount of money you're expecting a man to have.

The last level of financial security would mean he's just rolling in dough - like the man could stop working for a couple months and sustain his standard of living just fine because he's got a large savings and/or manages money well. If this is the kind of "successful, financially secure" man you're looking for, I maintain the same reasoning I stated for the previous level of financial security. If that's what you want from a man, you should be bringing the same to the table.

You're saying you find it uncomfortable/frustrating when there's a large gap between your earnings and the earnings of the guy you're involved with. What makes you think that men don't feel the same way about women? Like I said earlier, if you live in a country where you have the same opportunities as men to earn money, there's no excuse that you shouldn't be bringing to the relationship the same or more that you're asking for economically. If you expect otherwise, then in my opinion, you're harboring a sense of entitlement.

I'd recommend that instead of focusing on what men have or don'thave, you should focus on what you have or don't have. If you're not bringing to the table what you're asking for, then work on yourself and your circumstances instead of expecting a man to compensate for the deficiency between what you have and what you want.

If you're happy with where you're at, but you really aren't finding anyone you perceive to be at the same "level" as you...then find a different community to look for good potential guys to date. The pool/pools you're searching in obviously don't have the kind of guy you're looking for, if you're coming here complaining. Findother places to find dates, places that the kind of guys you're looking for hang out at or go to find attractive singles.

Edited October 25, 2011 by Almond_Joy

October 25, 2011

Also, I think the reason you may be catching alot of criticism is because although you stated that good character/personality traits are important, you seem to have established that money and looks are more important than these traits, instead of equally or less important.

If money and looks are of primary importance to you, then of course you're going to be seen as a superficial golddigger. Men are not meant to be handsome ATM machines for women. And from what I've read in this post, it sounds like that's the primary role you want a man to fill for you. If I was a guy I'd not only find you unattractive, I'd be offended.

You're complaining about what a man should be offering you but fail to specify what you are offering men. Maybe you could also try asking the kind of men you want to date what they find most important in a woman, what their expectations are of a woman they're in a relationship with or dating, and if you meet those criteria. There is a possibility that you think you're offering what they want and you're not.....but you're never gonna know what you should offer to be attractive to the men you want if you never ask them.

October 25, 2011

Men dont want to seetle for plain jane?

most people i see in relationships are quite average looking so most men seem to be "settling" with plain Jane

I thought the exact same thing as I looked around a restaurant while I was at lunch today. There were some very, very average people in there, and many of them were with a person who appeared to be a spouse, or who had children, or who were wearing wedding rings. Looks to me that a whole lot more weddings are taking place than just between the top 20% of looks.

October 25, 2011

I didn't want to get into this, but I once dated an incredibly amazing man. Truly, he was a genuine, understanding, wonderful, good looking human being. But he was very broke, very poor. I grew to love him to an extent, but I had to break it off because I can't make a life with him. He can barely carry his own weight.

That's why, although these qualities matter, financial stability weighs more than all those wonderful qualities. You can have all the wonderful qualities, but if the man isn't financial secure, then it all going to **** and this other good qualities won't save him.

REALLY? You broke up with an amazing man because he was poor? REALLY???

Did it ever cross your mind that he was still alive, and as such, he could actually increase his net worth? Did it cross your mind that sometimes partners have disparate salaries, and that living together where two people share expenses makes both people better off financially? Did it cross your mind that it was ok for him to earn less than you do, because it is very rare in a R for both parties to earn exactly the same thing?

You really, truly broke up with a man you loved - a wonderful, caring, giving man - because he was poor?

October 25, 2011

You also don't intend to contribute financially to a marriage, or to have a family. Again - it's all about what you want, and feel entitled to have. Just because … you're pretty? REALLY?

What you do offer - evidently good looks, willingness to give sexy lingerie dances, clean an apartment and cook, is not considered a viable "trade" to almost anyone other than yourself. A "sexy, successful man" like you want for yourself can have all of these services easily from any number of women who might be even far more good-looking than you are. And they can get a different hot woman to do sexy lingerie dances every week, if they want!

I take it back. I see why you broke up with an amazing, gorgeous, kind, caring man simply because he was broke.

Because you don't intend to work in a R, and you think that you should stay at home and clean and cook and have sex.

Now I see why you think that a man shouldn't date a single mother unless he is prepared to financially support her and her children.

Because you think that women should be supported by a man.

Gotcha.

Ummm I think this could be the cause of your nothing getting dates with the guys that meet your criteria. You sound shallow, and you sound opportunistic, and you sound like a golddigger. Get down girl go head get down.

October 25, 2011

At first, I thought the guy I am dating was either cheap or broke. Turns out he is just following a plan that will enable him to be debt free... 6 months from now he'll have achieved that.

Needless to say, I'm impressed. I've learned that it's not necessarily how much money a man makes, but how he manages it. I'm also glad I didn't jump to conclusions right away. FS, it sounds like you give guys a fair chance even if they might be lacking a quality you desire (as you mentioned about the guy lacking financial stability). I agree with some othe LSers in that its the way you phrase things sometimes. But, don't ever feel bad for knowing what you want and going for it. If you know that's what you need to be happy, don't ever compromise.

Good luck

October 25, 2011

Managing money is very important. People can call me cheap all they want but I had my house paid off by age 29. I also have no car payments and no credit card bills. Car insurance and property taxes are very high in NJ but that is another story.

October 25, 2011

Managing money is very important. People can call me cheap all they want but I had my house paid off by age 29. I also have no car payments and no credit card bills. Car insurance and property taxes are very high in NJ but that is another story.

Agreed. I'm terrible at managing money and my BF is awesome at it. He keeps me in check from spending too much money on wasted items.

Luckily, I'm not much of a shopper so I don't buy alot of clothes (even tho I probably should).

He's the FIRST man I've dated who takes enough interest in my finances to make sure I'm saving and keeping things tight. Mostly, because he's VERY frugal.

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Why am I being attacked just because I want a sexy, successful man?

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