lastrayden Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 My wife is in a really heavy fog. It has only been two months since d-day. She has moved out to stay at her mothers place. She is having a PA with Om. I love her and care for her so it makes everyday a struggle. She says that she wants a divorce but wants to wait until next year to file. From what I have found people in the fog say crazy things like that without thinking of the consequent. I want nothing more than to save my marriage. We have three little girls that need both of us together. I have up and down emotions. One day I'm fine with a divorce the next day I want to wait it out cause she is making a mistake. I feel pressured from family and friends to get a divorce. I know I need to show my self some self respect. On the other hand I feel she is wanting to wait cause she knows that I do love her and her telling me she wants a divorce is a way of scaring me. I just don't know if I have the strength to try and wait for her to come around. What I seen it could be any where from 3 months to 2 years before the fog lifts. As of right now I think it will be a long while before it lifts. Any advice from people who have waited and people who have filed would be appreciated. Thanks everyone.
oldguy Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 Your family & friends know your situation better than people here on LS. I would suggest you listen to their advice & I'm truly sorry for what you & your children are going through.
Just me 1980 Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 I can't really tell you what you should do. That is up to you. But I can share my experience with you. My husband left 18 months ago. He told me he wanted to wait 2 years before we file for divorce because it is easier and cheaper (we live in the UK). So he made his reasons for waiting very clear and they had nothing to do with perhaps wanting to come back to save our marriage. However I kept hoping and hoping that he would "see the error of his ways" and come back. I never thought that it'd be 18 months and he wouldn't once think about coming back. However here we are. He hasn't wanted to come back and after all this time I don't think that he will. In a way, I wish I had the strength to cut my ties there and then when he left. I wish I hadn't hung on to false hope. I don't know if this helps or not.
PegNosePete Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 Dude get a divorce. She has made it perfectly clear that she does not want to work on the marriage. It takes a LOT of work to recover a marriage from this kind of thing, and you cannot do her share of the work for her. You can always re-marry if things do work out...
Author lastrayden Posted October 25, 2011 Author Posted October 25, 2011 That's how I feel. I am hoping she will come back. living in false hope. I feel that if I edit I'm only harming myself by waiting for her. Then she never comes back. I'm sure divorce is the best thing right now but just getting the courage to go through with it. Just can't believe this is happening.
speedster Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 i'm sorry you're having to endure this. i waited, and honestly, it made things much worse. every situation is different though. be aware that the longer you wait the more rejection you are going to feel. best of luck.
2.50 a gallon Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 As long as she is in contact and still seeing the OM there is zero chance she will come back to you. What do you know about the OM, is he married? What does your MIL say and why does she permit her daughter to commit adultery while living in her house? She has lost all respect or you as a man, waiting patiently will not change her mind. Should she break up with this OM she will find another. There is a chance that she might regain her respect for you if you hae the nads to file ,
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