counterman Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 One of my biggest struggles has been having a satisfying social life. The friends I was with during high school are still my friends but they rarely do anything. Most of the time when we do hang out, we're playing sports and that's fine, but I want friends I can go out regularly with on Friday and Saturday nights. Sometimes I do take initiate and ask them to do something but it seems most of these friends are either reluctant to leave their houses or prefer playing video games at home. The first half of the year I have tried hard to make it happen by meeting new people in clubs and societies at my university. However, the friends I have made there quickly became just interests-friends, where I only see them when I participate in the club events. I envy those people in established groups of friends already, who always seem to have something to do. I do prefer to be by myself at times and I am fine with doing things on my own and trying new things. I use to rely on my friends to try things but I realised that whenever they weren't up for it, it meant I couldn't do it. I didn't like that so I tried to really put myself out there. It went well for a little while but as I stated in the previous paragraph, I hadn't met anyone who I could hang out with regularly. It seems most people already have their group of friends. What I don't want is what happened in my last relationship. I relied too much on my girlfriend to keep me company and happy, which put too much pressure on her. Although, I'm sure that won't happen again, I want other things going on socially in my life, so that when a new girl comes into my life, it'll be exciting. Also, that's the type of girl I want to attract -- a social, outgoing one. Plus, I have only been meeting girls through random approaches, that's all well and fine but I could meet many more who may share interests with me by being more social. Currently, I am taking a sport and that's pretty much it. At the first half of the year, I was taking two sports, member of several societies and really made an effort. However, I found I didn't really enjoy the societal events and made a note to pursue more specific interests and hobbies. At the moment, it's been pretty hectic with my studies, however, soon I will have more free time to do things that I want. Any tips on how to really get my social life flourishing? Maybe some examples of what you do week-in week-out that keeps your life interesting and entertaining? And maybe some suggestions on what hobbies I should pick up?
oldguy Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 Follow YOUR passions & be patient. It sounds a little like your joining clubs & picking hobbies just to meet friends. That's not how that works. And long term friends as well as relationships aren't found or picked up like a used car, their grown & cultivated. Good luck to you.
futuregopher Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 The good thing is that you're still in college. Don't worry about not having people to go out with. Eventually you'll meet those types of people in the clubs that you join. Pick a couple of clubs on campus that you're interested in and be an active participant. Being a general member is okay but really allow yourself to participate in as many events as possible. I am not sure about your college clubs but the student run clubs always have some social events whether is a barcrawl or whatever. Eventually, you'll start to figure out who is the type to go out on Friday and Saturday. When I was a freshman in college, I was genuinely nice to everyone. The thing when college first starts is that EVERYONE is nice to EVERYONE because everyone wants to meet new people! Take advantage of this fact and just put yourself out there to meet new people. Just expand your network of friends through class, student clubs, etc and everything else will take care of itself. Best of luck!!
betterdeal Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 Music was always a great social-binding thing in my youth. Playing, going to gigs, listening, getting a bit nerdy about it. You meet a bigger variety of people through music than sports or other hobbies in my experience. I've met a few good people just by going to open mike nights, festivals, gigs etc. Get to know your neighbours too. Just be friendly to just about everyone and it's more likely things will slip into place one day.
Emilia Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 I tend to get special interest connections that turn into something more over time. Friendship blossom needs time, hobbies that attract extroverts (my example is surfing) work best I think
Author counterman Posted October 26, 2011 Author Posted October 26, 2011 Thanks for the advice! @Oldguy, I was joining clubs and societies to potentially make new friends and although I did make some friends, they weren't ones I wanted to hang out with regularly. I agree, long-term friendships are grown and cultivated. @futuregropher, You're right, there are always events on. However, those pub crawls and other drinking events are not my thing. But I will continue going to events and actively participate in a couple of clubs. I will put myself out there as you said and be friendly to everyone. Only issue I had before was that I was afraid of doing things alone, but I prefer much don't mind solo-ing now. @betterdeal, I love music! I think I'll start attending gigs and whatnot. Also, I think I'll pick up an instrument as well. I've always wanted to learn the guitar. @Emilia, I would definitely love to meet more extroverted people and people who have a "let's do this!" attitude. Any suggestions for hobbies? I'm very open to trying new things
Emilia Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 What group activities do you find exciting? What would make you get out of bed at 7am on a Sunday morning?
oldguy Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 (edited) Thanks for the advice! @Oldguy, I was joining clubs and societies to potentially make new friends and although I did make some friends, they weren't ones I wanted to hang out with regularly. I agree, long-term friendships are grown and cultivated. And that is good but I have always found that when I joined clubs for things I was truly passionate about I formed closer, more lasting friendships. As an example, some of my more intense passions are;flying, Martial arts, photography & cooking. Through that, one of my good friends is an aviation & aerial photographer, a couple of people I know through martial arts have taken flying lessons & several pilot friends are now involved in karate & everyone likes food. Interestingly enough all my good friends I've met since college I've met directly or indirectly though one of my passions or work & a volunteer group. But my closest friends are people I share a common interest or passions with. For some, their common interest is sports or music or anything, but I think that is key. I had several, pretty good friends in college who I haven't heard from since. I had quite a few very close friends in the Air Force who I hear from a few times a year. My college friends & I shared college, that was our interest. My military brothers & sisters shared that experience a long time ago but the friends I see regularly now are the people I've shared passions with for a number of years & they are better friends than any I had in high school or college & in my real life outside my military experience. An old guy once told me that if you find yourself with just a couple of really good friends in your life, cherish them & know your blessed. Now an 'oldguy' has told you the same thing Edited October 26, 2011 by oldguy
Author counterman Posted October 26, 2011 Author Posted October 26, 2011 What group activities do you find exciting? What would make you get out of bed at 7am on a Sunday morning? 7am?! Too early for anything! On a more serious note, I would say I would love to get into drawing, like sketching someone with a pad and pencil, but as for group activities, I would like to take a martial arts class, maybe yoga, or photography, music, I love to sing also, and that's all I can think of at the moment but I'm sure there's more. I will definitely pick up at least one of these in the near future. And that is good but I have always found that when I joined clubs for things I was truly passionate about I formed closer, more lasting friendships. As an example, some of my more intense passions are;flying, Martial arts, photography & cooking. Through that, one of my good friends is an aviation & aerial photographer, a couple of people I know through martial arts have taken flying lessons & several pilot friends are now involved in karate & everyone likes food. Interestingly enough all my good friends I've met since college I've met directly or indirectly though one of my passions or work & a volunteer group. But my closest friends are people I share a common interest or passions with. For some, their common interest is sports or music or anything, but I think that is key. I had several, pretty good friends in college who I haven't heard from since. I had quite a few very close friends in the Air Force who I hear from a few times a year. My college friends & I shared college, that was our interest. My military brothers & sisters shared that experience a long time ago but the friends I see regularly now are the people I've shared passions with for a number of years & they are better friends than any I had in high school or college & in my real life outside my military experience. An old guy once told me that if you find yourself with just a couple of really good friends in your life, cherish them & know your blessed. Now an 'oldguy' has told you the same thing I guess I wasn't that passionate about some of the clubs I joined. Thanks for sharing how you've formed some of your close friends, it's really inspiring me to really pursue my passions. I would love to take on a martial art, even photography and cooking (believe me, I would love to cook and cooking shows are some of my favourites). I would love to have a group of friends where we can try different restaurants each week, like a food group. That would be lovely. I guess the reason why I don't have that many close friends is because I don't share many passions with the friends I do have. As for the sport I do play in a team with some of my friends from high school, and we do have that in common but apart from that, there's nothing else. Although, I would say, this has been a passion of ours we've shared for years and we'll always have it in our lives. And thank you for that piece of wisdom, I would count myself extremely blessed to have two great friends in my life and I would love them like family.
Recommended Posts