TNM Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 (edited) I'm very confused, there was this girl I found very attractive in class... The next time we were at a party we spoke for about 15 minutes...Good conversion, same humor, but then my friend and his GF had a fight and I had to leave early... A day later she adds me on facebook and 2 days afterwards sends me a message asking me where I've been going out etc. I answer and then she gives me her number, because it would make our communication easier she says... Too easy . I ask her out for a date, she accepted. I was excited because we didn't know each other at all really, so we didn't know how it would turn out... But it was really perfect! I picked her up at 8pm and the whole night from the very beginning till the end of the date at 2.30 am were were laughing, talking... Without a doubt the best date I ever had. Pure chemistry... We also talked about some more serious stuff like past relationships, family situations, etc. And every single subject that we talked about we had the exact same opinions on everything... So I thought I had hit the jackpot... This is an amazing girl... Every time I spoke about for example restaurants or the movies, she also gave me signs that she'd be interested in going with me... She was touching her hair, etc... Great signs, great chemistry... When she told me the weather was cold, I 'warmed' her up by touching her arms really quickly... She didn't mind me touching her at all... When I paid for the drinks, she said I would have to let her pay the next time... Perfect . That night after dropping her off she sends me a message to thank me for an amazing night, she found it really cool... So I was psyched . The next day she sends me a fb message asking me if I was planning on going to one of the parties next week of mutual friends... I said I was, and asked her if she would like to do something together before one of the parties... I told her that she shouldn't ask what exactly we would doing as it would be a surprise. Then she sends me the following text that really confuses me: "(translated and summarized) Hiiiiiiii TNM, of course I'd love to do something with you!!!! A surprise?? I'm excited...The thing is though I have been seeing something... It's still recent though... Don't know if this has an influence on the surprise? Kisssssss xxx " I answered quite a few hours later "Hahaha, and I though I'd be the one planning the surprise . To be honest I'd really like to get to know you better, so if you're allowed by your 'surprise' to do something friday, I'd be up for it... Have fun at the party xxx " So here is the deal... There was pure chemistry between us on the date, she gave me all this signs about going on another date together... We speak about relationships, asks me how my perfect woman would be like, but fails to mention that she has a boyfriend... But then in the message, she tries to minimize the fact that she has a boyfriend, by saying: 'it's recent"... As if she was hinting that it wasn't something serious... I'm a bit confused... Why wouldn't she tell me she had a boyfriend when talking about relationships? I even asked her explicitely if she had expereince in long-term relations... She said no. And why would she minimize her BF's existence and agree on a second 'date'? It's especially weird given the fact that she told me that she hated the fact that the boyfriend of her sister still meets-up one-on-one with other girls. She said that in a relationship those kind of things are not done... Any ideas? Best regards, TNM (I'm 22 and she's 20) Edited October 25, 2011 by TNM
oaks Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 Are you sure she has a boyfriend? Or just that she's seeing someone else?
Author TNM Posted October 25, 2011 Author Posted October 25, 2011 Are you sure she has a boyfriend? Or just that she's seeing someone else? She has a boyfriend... But from what I can tell it can't be very serious...
alphamale Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 Any ideas? Best regards, TNM (I'm 22 and she's 20) yes, out of any age range people in their 20's treat each other the worst
Author TNM Posted October 25, 2011 Author Posted October 25, 2011 She has a boyfriend... But from what I can tell it can't be very serious... exact quote: "I might have to tell you though that I have a boyfriend, but not yet a long time though..."
alphamale Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 exact quote: "I might have to tell you though that I have a boyfriend, but not yet a long time though..." basically that is an excuse to let you down easy....
Author TNM Posted October 25, 2011 Author Posted October 25, 2011 basically that is an excuse to let you down easy.... Hehe, nono. I can assure you that that isn't the case... She said she had never met somebody like me etc.
oaks Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 Option 1) date her knowing that she's cheating on her boyfriend. Option 2) tell her you can't date her because she has a boyfriend but if that changes she should call you and see if you're available. Option 3) decide that you wouldn't want to date someone who would cheat on their boyfriend (and tell her, or don't).
Pierre Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 exact quote: "I might have to tell you though that I have a boyfriend, but not yet a long time though..." She is a cheater. She is ok for sex, but do not get attached. She may be f****ing ger BF, so wear two condoms. Not LTR mateerial.
alphamale Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 ... She said she had never met somebody like me etc. they all say that
Author TNM Posted October 25, 2011 Author Posted October 25, 2011 Option 1) date her knowing that she's cheating on her boyfriend. Option 2) tell her you can't date her because she has a boyfriend but if that changes she should call you and see if you're available. Option 3) decide that you wouldn't want to date someone who would cheat on their boyfriend (and tell her, or don't). True... I'm thinking
rightfield Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 Who started using the word "boyfriend", you or her? I would ask how long she has been seeing the other guy and get an idea as to how serious it is. If she has been on 3 dates with him, don't worry about it. The fact that she wants to spend time with you is good, and I'd hang in there and give it my best shot. I would not give her any reason to feel pressure from me at this point, and be sure to not seem jealous or possessive. I'd also keep my other options open and let her wonder what I'M up to and who else I am seeing. Now, if she's been seeing the guy for a month or more, that may well be a real "boyfriend" and in that case, I'd steer clear.
grkBoy Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 So here is the deal... There was pure chemistry between us on the date, Um...no. YOU felt something, she's didn't. she gave me all this signs about going on another date together... We speak about relationships, asks me how my perfect woman would be like, but fails to mention that she has a boyfriend... But then in the message, she tries to minimize the fact that she has a boyfriend, by saying: 'it's recent"... As if she was hinting that it wasn't something serious... Maybe she had a good time that night, but when she got home or the next day, she decided she did NOT want anything deeper with you. "yeah, he's a wonderful guy on paper, but I don't feel for him like I do for the guy I'm starting to see" That probably sums up her thought process. We don't even know if she's actually seeing someone, or she's just flaking and running, using a "seeing someone" excuse to push you away. I'm a bit confused... Why wouldn't she tell me she had a boyfriend when talking about relationships? I even asked her explicitely if she had expereince in long-term relations... She said no. And why would she minimize her BF's existence and agree on a second 'date'? She was taking you out for a test run. She decided you're not worth enough to her to go monogamous. I tell women to death that guys will talk about this stuff, but neglect to mention the person they're in front of. So the woman will think he wants HER for a wife and such, but he actually wants to just bang her and look for someone else to play the wife. This girl is doing the same thing. She went out once, had fun, but decided you're not "something" enough for her to keep going. Sorry dude. It's especially weird given the fact that she told me that she hated the fact that the boyfriend of her sister still meets-up one-on-one with other girls. She said that in a relationship those kind of things are not done... Oh...that doesn't matter. We've seen men and women who make up "rules" or "thoughts", but never think they apply to them when it's them on the hot seat. So she'll lament on things like this, but have loads of guy friends, see other guys right now, etc. Seen people who hate cheaters...but they cheat on people and play the victim card. Any ideas? Move on or at least start seeing other girls. Don't put all your eggs in her basket. She's 20. She's a kid in her mind...an overgrown teenager. She's not ready nor willing to give you what you want. She wants to be young, free, and live it up...until some douchebag knocks her up and/or psychologically destroys her.
dasein Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 Greek is probably correct, but not time to call it a day yet. Just keep asking her out to do stuff and escalate physically at every opportunity. Ignore whatever noise she throws out about who else she is dating or really anything that comes out of her mouth, and judge only by how she responds to you physically. Don't spend precious time on long special dates or plan "surprises." Get together and make your move at every opportunity. This person is still a stranger, you are already infatuated with someone you don't even know. The only real reliable chemistry a man can count on these days with women is whether or not she will have sex with you. If she won't after several dates, and you get a VERY clear picture that she doesn't have FWBs or NSA outlets in the background, decide if she is worth your further time investment. If you get even a strong hunch she is sleeping with FWBs or other NSA and not you, get moving to next immediately. And of course she is just starting to see someone, every attractive desirable woman is. Good looking women have lots of options. You haven't met her in a vacuum. And today, every desirable woman you meet is having sex with other men, or at least 90% are. Get used to that or date only at church where only 75% of the women you will meet are having NSA sex with some dude(s) LOL. Keep things light, brief, flirty and sexually charged until you know more about this girl. Don't get personal, emotional or open up, just get in her pants. Sorry, it's the only way, they have dictated to us that it is the only thing they respond to and left us little choice. If you do her right in the sack, the other dudes will fade out of the picture. Good luck.
somedude81 Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 She may be f****ing ger BF, so wear two condoms. Off-topic: Where do people get the idea that using two condoms is a good idea? Wearing two condoms actually increases the chances of condom breakage.
Pierre Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 Off-topic: Where do people get the idea that using two condoms is a good idea? Wearing two condoms actually increases the chances of condom breakage. It is an idiomatic expression! It would be best not to have sex with a woman that is actively engaging other men.
Mrlonelyone Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 At 20-25 relationships are never as serious as they feel. They can lead to marriage and last forever, or they can fizzle in less than a week. Furthermore she could have an old fashioned view of the whole BF GF thing. Basically that until one is engaged to be married it's not a real committment of any kind. In which case she feels free to shop around. Here are the few things I think could be going on. She was using the boyfriend test. When a woman acts interested and talks to you about their life in detail but fails to mention a BF until the 11th hour there's a pretty good chance its this test. They want to see if that scares you off. She may have a BF but is looking for other options.
grkBoy Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 I have to agree with dasein. She didn't say "boyfriend". She simply stated she's seeing other guys.
alphamale Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 At 20-25 relationships are never as serious as they feel. They can lead to marriage and last forever, or they can fizzle in less than a week. less than a week?!? wtf? they can fizzle in less than 30 seconds.
alphamale Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 Hehe, nono. I can assure you that that isn't the case... She said she had never met somebody like me etc. the operative word here is "ass"
carhill Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 Reading OP's backstory, he comes from a monied family and apparently has plenty of experience with women. I'd say continue to gather more experience and consider this to be one of them.
dispatch3d Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 Humm I'm in a similar situation. I think just cutting ties is the best route. I don't really want to "wait around" to see if she breaks up with the boyfriend, and I don't want to be just friends either. Why not be up front about it? And she definitely wouldn't have gotten that answer out of me (your hahaha reply). I'd have given at the very least "*shakes head* nevermind."
blueskyday Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 How about telling her, "When you are single again, give me a call and maybe we can hang out if I'm free to at that time. Good luck." I agree, she's testing you to see what you will accept, even if it's a friend zone thing.
Author TNM Posted November 7, 2011 Author Posted November 7, 2011 I took some distance and she keeps on texting me and askIng me to go to parties... We Will see, I'm playing hard to get now and it seems to be working . She is now the one initiating the texting.
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