Els Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 So, the bf left for a few-week vacation today. And despite my best-intentioned rationalizing, I've been doing nothing but eating lots of chocolate and getting addicted to LS and online chat since he left despite having lots of work to do. It's like my hormones are hitting me full whammy, even though it's not that time of the month. I feel almost exactly like how I felt after sending him off to the airport during our 5000-mile LDR, except a little less bad. I don't even know why. It doesn't help that we hadn't fought for months, but had a minor tiff today before he left, of all days. I tell myself that we've been together for 3.5 years and did LDR for 2 of them, and I'm being a wimp over a few weeks apart. It doesn't really work; I raid my next batch of chocolate ice cream. I've never lived alone for a significant period of time before. I used to believe I'd like it, that I'd enjoy having the entire house to myself and not be woken up by him doing stuff. I may probably think that tomorrow morning. For now though, I don't like it. There is nothing I can do now that he would not have happily let me do while he was here anyway, I could even have the bed to myself if I wanted or needed it. Well, at least not much. I still definitely have more time to do my work with him gone. But I'm frittering all of it away being sad about him gone. That's so ironic, but I can't seem to snap out of it tonight. I miss him, so much, so much more than I should for a few-week absence. Hormones are such a powerful thing, I'd not realized that. All the logic in the world doesn't keep me from missing him. I'd been told that once you live with someone you feel relieved to have a few weeks without them. Well, it's been 1.5 years and I don't feel that way. And then I realize that he's the best thing I have at this time. I love my studies but they're going really tough now due to some choices I made, and sometimes the difficulties feel insurmountable. That's not good. I have to do something about that. At the moment though, I just wonder what I ever did right, to have a man so good and giving, and how I'd come to take it for granted for the past several months. I'm not going to call or message him because he's going to be back with his friends and family for the first time in years and he should be free to enjoy them without interruption. I have plenty of hobbies, but every time I think about doing one of them, there's this voice in my head saying, "You should be doing work instead!!" So I sit on LS and post instead. /rant
Author Els Posted October 25, 2011 Author Posted October 25, 2011 Oh FFS, why do my threads always coincide with the spam sock puppets?
carhill Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 Nothing wrong with a bit of chocolate and some reflection The cool thing about 'alone' is it's the middle of the night here, the cat's out hunting and I can do whatever I want. There are no rules. IMO, it's really cool to feel how you feel, 'connected', where the dearth of your partner creates a 'space'. I used to feel that back when I was M, not so much the 'alone' thing but rather the 'absent my partner' thing. I knew the difference from being alone for so many years. I'd have a little chocolate with you but I ate all mine (true). Drats!
Author Els Posted October 25, 2011 Author Posted October 25, 2011 Aww, thanks for the reassurance, carhill. Thing is I can pretty much already do whatever I want with the bf around, mostly. Don't worry, I have more than enough chocolate for myself. There's Movenpick ice cream and I treated myself to a Belgian mousse cake!
oaks Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 So, the bf left for a few-week vacation today. And despite my best-intentioned rationalizing, I've been doing nothing but eating lots of chocolate and getting addicted to LS and online chat since he left despite having lots of work to do. You have chocolate? I'll be right there!
Author Els Posted October 25, 2011 Author Posted October 25, 2011 Better be quick; it's finishing fast. I was probably wrong when I told carhill I had more than enough.
Author Els Posted October 25, 2011 Author Posted October 25, 2011 Well, work actually helped, once I could get myself to start something productive. I guess absence once in a while is good if it helps one attain some enlightenment, though I doubt he'll be having as much time as me to think, with as much as he is trying to squeeze into his vacation.
tigressA Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 I feel for you, Els. I'm going to be in the same position when January rolls around, as BF is going to visit his family. He could be gone for up to 2 months. We'll be on opposite ends of the earth on our first anniversary. I tear up just thinking about it now, so I'm more than likely going to be a total wreck once it happens.
Author Els Posted October 25, 2011 Author Posted October 25, 2011 Aww, I'm sorry to hear that, TA! *hugs* You can celebrate the anniversary after, though, and that'll be fun to plan. Funny thing about my case is that I actually thought I'd be all fine and dandy til it actually -happened-.
Author Els Posted October 26, 2011 Author Posted October 26, 2011 Bleargh, has been more than 6 hours since he was due to land, and he still has not messaged or contacted me in any form. Sheesh. I mean, I didn't tell him to, but it was a very long haul flight and isn't it expected that you'd let loved ones know that you arrived safe and sound, somehow?
Cypress25 Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 Why are you blaming your hormones? You're just lonely, it's a normal emotion. Do you have friends you could hang out with? Do you have pets you could cuddle with?
D-Lish Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 Why are you blaming your hormones? You're just lonely, it's a normal emotion. Do you have friends you could hang out with? Do you have pets you could cuddle with? I agree, it's not hormones, it's just a natural reaction you're having regarding being apart from someone you love. I got used to it with my exH. After a few years of dating and living together, he got a job in another country and we found ourselves living apart for weeks at a time for the duration of our relationship. Even when we got married, he came home on a Thursday night, we got married on a Friday, went up North for 2 days, and he went back to work 6 hours away on the Tuesday morning and I didn't see him for 2 weeks. It's hard at first, but like everything else in life, you become acclimated. The first few days might be hard, then you'll fall into a groove. Just think of it as something short term. 3 Weeks will be over in no time and life will be normal again.
Sanman Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 When you are used to something it is normal to initially be a little lost and frustated after your circumstances change (even if it is only for a few weeks). My suggestion is have a little single fun while he is away. You know that tv show he hates to watch? Catch up on it. Do it while ordering the indian/thai/vietnamese/whatever food he can't stand. Have a little vacation of your own and treat yourself to the fun selfish things that you may not get a chance to do when he is around.
Author Els Posted October 27, 2011 Author Posted October 27, 2011 I agree, it's not hormones, it's just a natural reaction you're having regarding being apart from someone you love. I got used to it with my exH. After a few years of dating and living together, he got a job in another country and we found ourselves living apart for weeks at a time for the duration of our relationship. Even when we got married, he came home on a Thursday night, we got married on a Friday, went up North for 2 days, and he went back to work 6 hours away on the Tuesday morning and I didn't see him for 2 weeks. It's hard at first, but like everything else in life, you become acclimated. The first few days might be hard, then you'll fall into a groove. Just think of it as something short term. 3 Weeks will be over in no time and life will be normal again. Aww thanks, D. It's fine, we've done 6 months apart before so really, a few weeks is fine. I was really more surprised than anything that this hit me so hard, especially seeing as I have so much LDR experience under my belt. When you are used to something it is normal to initially be a little lost and frustated after your circumstances change (even if it is only for a few weeks). My suggestion is have a little single fun while he is away. You know that tv show he hates to watch? Catch up on it. Do it while ordering the indian/thai/vietnamese/whatever food he can't stand. Have a little vacation of your own and treat yourself to the fun selfish things that you may not get a chance to do when he is around. See, that's the problem, there is nothing that I can't do while he is around. :/ We both believe in giving each other space and freedom while living together so I already watch several shows that he hates even while he is here, he just does not join me. I did have Korean food for dinner, though, that was nice, since he hates it and we usually have dinner together.
Citizen Erased Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 Aww thanks, D. It's fine, we've done 6 months apart before so really, a few weeks is fine. I was really more surprised than anything that this hit me so hard, especially seeing as I have so much LDR experience under my belt. That's more than likely the issue. It reminds you of before, those horrid goodbyes. I'd feel the exact same way if Pyro left for a few weeks. Hope you're feeling a little better today.
Author Els Posted October 27, 2011 Author Posted October 27, 2011 Ohhh, good point, CE. I think I have a phobia of airports by this time, actually.
Citizen Erased Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 Yep, airports are evil, dark places that take away the people that you love.
Author Els Posted October 27, 2011 Author Posted October 27, 2011 Grr, I'm not sure if this trip is just sparking all my irrational anxieties or what. But I feel a little sad and let down. He doesn't remember my number. He asked me what it was online, so he could call me from his new phone, since his old phone doesn't work there. I've had this number for more than a year now, since I moved to be with him. He has a much better memory than mine, but I remember his. He used to remember my old one back when we started, and he remembered it almost immediately. He remembers a lot of things, that I know of... but not my number??? I didn't say anything about it to him, of course, because I don't want to be a negative nancy on his trip, but I feel a little disappointed. I really had not known that. I wonder if he would have remembered my birthday this year if it hadn't come up in conversation.
oaks Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 Remembering phone numbers is so last century. I haven't remembered a phone number since I first got a cellphone (1996, I think) and that did it for me.
Author Els Posted October 27, 2011 Author Posted October 27, 2011 Hahahh you have a point. I guess I don't even know why I remembered his, but I just made a point to. Perhaps in case I ever, well, lose my phone and want to contact him? >.> If it doesn't mean anything to him, why'd he remember my old phone number when we first met?
Emilia Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 Because he probably had to write it down a couple of times or had to change phones and type your number in from one to another. Nowdays it's so easy to transfer data, you don't need to lift a little finger. Different technology I think you should take a break from the computer, go out and get some fresh air, do something else.
Author Els Posted October 27, 2011 Author Posted October 27, 2011 No, he purposefully remembered it for its significance. He still remembers my old number now, 3.5 years later. Just not my current one. It's very late in the night and I'm working, so I can't really leave the computer, but I went out for a few hours to have some fun earlier.
oaks Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 It sounds like you need more chocolate. I'm just going to the grocery store. What sort do you like?
Author Els Posted October 27, 2011 Author Posted October 27, 2011 Aww, oaks, excellent advice. Do you have Lindt? I'm glad to know I'm just overreacting, from the looks of it.
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