MizHoney2U Posted October 25, 2011 Share Posted October 25, 2011 I know I did the right thing but why do I feel like it was my loss? I know he was lucky to be with a woman like me.. and he probably knows too, but I felt like I was being taken for granted. He was behaving in an unacceptable way which seemed to all but blatantly say "it's over, I don't want to be with you in a relationship anymore." so I eventually said it. I clearly explained to him that I did not want to break up, that it was breaking my heart because I really loved him, but I couldn't stay in the relationship because it was tearing me on the inside. he said nothing, didn't ask for a reason, and seemed like he was relieved and waiting for me to get fed up and walk away because he didn't have the heart or decency to say it. Took me about a month to get fed up. the next day I contacted him and tried to get closure because it was apparent that he had another interest somewhere and he didn't want to admit it. He wouldn't give it to me. Initially I would forward him an email of daily quotes that would make him thing and feel positive about his future...his past had issues... he has been randomly calling me over the past few months from a blocked number (i changed the password so he couldn't check msgs and he changed his number) yes I know that was immature ans I feel so bad I did it but it's done and I apologized to him for it. He has recently begun calling and revealing his number.. twice in one day and I missed em... didn't call to see who was calling me from an unfamiliar number, I have not used it at all, then he called me a week later and admitted that he had been trying to call me... to see how I was doing !!! WTH....since I really don't know what to think... Tell me what you would think. Link to post Share on other sites
Bobby289 Posted October 25, 2011 Share Posted October 25, 2011 You guys both seem confused and afraid of what you really want. Talk it out if you can or give it some time to decide what is best. Nobody can tell you what to do, follow your heart even if it hurts right now do what you think is right. Link to post Share on other sites
BLuvv Posted October 25, 2011 Share Posted October 25, 2011 I know I did the right thing but why do I feel like it was my loss? I know he was lucky to be with a woman like me.. and he probably knows too, but I felt like I was being taken for granted. He was behaving in an unacceptable way which seemed to all but blatantly say "it's over, I don't want to be with you in a relationship anymore." so I eventually said it. I clearly explained to him that I did not want to break up, that it was breaking my heart because I really loved him, but I couldn't stay in the relationship because it was tearing me on the inside. he said nothing, didn't ask for a reason, and seemed like he was relieved and waiting for me to get fed up and walk away because he didn't have the heart or decency to say it. Took me about a month to get fed up. the next day I contacted him and tried to get closure because it was apparent that he had another interest somewhere and he didn't want to admit it. He wouldn't give it to me. Initially I would forward him an email of daily quotes that would make him thing and feel positive about his future...his past had issues... he has been randomly calling me over the past few months from a blocked number (i changed the password so he couldn't check msgs and he changed his number) yes I know that was immature ans I feel so bad I did it but it's done and I apologized to him for it. He has recently begun calling and revealing his number.. twice in one day and I missed em... didn't call to see who was calling me from an unfamiliar number, I have not used it at all, then he called me a week later and admitted that he had been trying to call me... to see how I was doing !!! WTH....since I really don't know what to think... Tell me what you would think. I know how you feel. In the end I said I was done (this was a year ago) even when I didn't want to be done. But I was done with him being distant and not giving me a commitment. He knew I hated feeling like I don't know where I stand with him, because I told him. And he had dumped me twice out of the blue when we weren't having problems during the relationship and then he would come back and ask me out again a few days later. It's like if I would try harder he pulled away, when I ignored him he came back. And I couldn't take it. It felt like he only wanted the thrill of the chase and I just wanted a relationship to love someone and be loved in return. But yeah, I don't know what to say, I'm no expert and you can see from my posts that I'm am stumbling through this breakup, but I think a lot of people have good advice here and are very supportive and helpful. I think your ex seems confused and all my friends and family said that about my ex that he didn't know what he wants. But I can say sticking around does not get you what you want, if anything it makes them take you for granted even more. Link to post Share on other sites
bbronco Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 I totally understand where you're coming from as well. I broke up with my ex not because I didn't love him any less, but I felt like it wasn't fair for either of us to stay in a relationship that was causing stress and interfering with other priorities in this life (i.e. trying to get a promotion at work and saving money). I had felt unhappy while we were together but as soon as it was over, I feel like I'm the one that was dumped. Mostly because I wanted (and still want) him back and he's coming up with "need time for myself" and "we did break up, did I misinterpret that?". Meanwhile I feel like I did him a favor if he's enforcing the breakup and that I wasn't worth it for him to come back. It's been 3 months of me pouring out my feelings...no progress has been made fml. Somedays I feel angry, some days I cry, but most days I have knots in my stomach and a lingering sadness - fed by all my hope for things to change. Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 so, lemme get this straight... you dump him, and then get mad that he didn't fight for you, and you assume he must have another interest and that's why he didn't react?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MizHoney2U Posted October 26, 2011 Author Share Posted October 26, 2011 so, lemme get this straight... you dump him, and then get mad that he didn't fight for you, and you assume he must have another interest and that's why he didn't react?? John... outstanding question.... but my instincts were not far off. His behavior warranted that I either nag him about what's going on or back off from him... in retrospect, should I have just let him be distant and continue as if it didn't matter? But that's not me. Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 John... outstanding question.... but my instincts were not far off. His behavior warranted that I either nag him about what's going on or back off from him... in retrospect, should I have just let him be distant and continue as if it didn't matter? But that's not me. hmm, i'm not John, i don't know if that's a typo. but your response is really convoluted, i was just asking a simple yes or no question. Link to post Share on other sites
M2155 Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 Doesn't sound convoluted to me, I can understand how you feel. Sounds like a typical guy (or girl) got dumped because he wasn't fully committed to the relationship but totally didn't expect you to do it. Now he's probably second guessing how he treated you and intriqued that you had the guts to do it. Surely you let him go because you had something else lined up. Maybe he's just a little curious becuase you didn't give in and come back since he knows how much you didn't want to break up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MizHoney2U Posted November 1, 2011 Author Share Posted November 1, 2011 Yea.. the "JOHN" thing was a typo for real... at any rate...Thanx to M2155 for understanding where I was coming from...That was a tough thing for me to do and I'm sure he was probably more surprised than I was.. especially after I didn't go running back... but what he doesn't know is how difficult this whole thing has been for me. I still gotta get past the feeling that I was the dumpee, maybe I should just accept that I was the dumpee, and that I only spoke the words that he was feeling with the GIGS but was weighing his odds and I just beat him to it. Link to post Share on other sites
lovehurts.x Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 Hey, my situation was just like yours except he hasn't got in contact with me. I've been single for a month now. I broke up with him for pretty much the same reasons that you did with your guy. It's really hard, I miss the person he was so much, and I still love him. But he seems to be having a great time as a newly single guy, more power to him, the *******. But anyway, I know how you feel! Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 Yea.. the "JOHN" thing was a typo for real... at any rate...Thanx to M2155 for understanding where I was coming from...That was a tough thing for me to do and I'm sure he was probably more surprised than I was.. especially after I didn't go running back... but what he doesn't know is how difficult this whole thing has been for me. I still gotta get past the feeling that I was the dumpee, maybe I should just accept that I was the dumpee, and that I only spoke the words that he was feeling with the GIGS but was weighing his odds and I just beat him to it. what i meant by convoluted is that you just didn't really answer what i said and gave reasons and excuses for other things. i was trying to figure out if i understood that: 1. you dumped him 2. got mad that he didn't fight to change your mind 3. assume he must have a new interest because he didn't chase 4. and had these reactions even though YOU dumped him and not the other way around Link to post Share on other sites
M2155 Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 i was trying to figure out if i understood that: 1. you dumped him 2. got mad that he didn't fight to change your mind 3. assume he must have a new interest because he didn't chase 4. and had these reactions even though YOU dumped him and not the other way around I'm not the OP of course but I didn't get 2 or 3, I got: 1. you dumped him 2. was hurt that you had to dump him (because he wouldn't treat you properly). He probably knew you didn't really want to break up as you said it tore you apart to do so 3. tried to keep LC but eventually quit because it wasn't getting you anywhere so I think you tried cutting him off? 4. Now really confused why he's all of a sudden contacting you to "see how you're doing" Link to post Share on other sites
Author MizHoney2U Posted November 1, 2011 Author Share Posted November 1, 2011 what i meant by convoluted is that you just didn't really answer what i said and gave reasons and excuses for other things. i was trying to figure out if i understood that: 1. you dumped him 2. got mad that he didn't fight to change your mind 3. assume he must have a new interest because he didn't chase 4. and had these reactions even though YOU dumped him and not the other way around EXACTLY... And I will admit that it hurt then and still a void now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MizHoney2U Posted November 1, 2011 Author Share Posted November 1, 2011 I'm not the OP of course but I didn't get 2 or 3, I got: 1. you dumped him 2. was hurt that you had to dump him (because he wouldn't treat you properly). He probably knew you didn't really want to break up as you said it tore you apart to do so 3. tried to keep LC but eventually quit because it wasn't getting you anywhere so I think you tried cutting him off? 4. Now really confused why he's all of a sudden contacting you to "see how you're doing" fitzanu and m2155 Yep.... 2 and 3 are on point....Have you checked my other posts regarding him?.... Pls do I am needing some insight. Doing ok but have up and down days... Now it seems his email has been hacked cause I'm getting spam. (with subjects such as 'Hi and How are you') Sent him an email to remove me from his contacts, still getting them, I know he doesn't get on very often. Link to post Share on other sites
M2155 Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 I understand how you feel, but I'm not sure I understand what you want. I didn't get anywhere that you wanted this guy back- not the guy he's been showing you anyway (which is probaby who he is). Or are you just having a time letting go and want him to not contact you anymore? Link to post Share on other sites
ChelseaLS Posted November 1, 2011 Share Posted November 1, 2011 I know I did the right thing but why do I feel like it was my loss? I know he was lucky to be with a woman like me.. and he probably knows too, but I felt like I was being taken for granted. He was behaving in an unacceptable way which seemed to all but blatantly say "it's over, I don't want to be with you in a relationship anymore." so I eventually said it. I clearly explained to him that I did not want to break up, that it was breaking my heart because I really loved him, but I couldn't stay in the relationship because it was tearing me on the inside. he said nothing, didn't ask for a reason, and seemed like he was relieved and waiting for me to get fed up and walk away because he didn't have the heart or decency to say it. Took me about a month to get fed up. the next day I contacted him and tried to get closure because it was apparent that he had another interest somewhere and he didn't want to admit it. He wouldn't give it to me. Initially I would forward him an email of daily quotes that would make him thing and feel positive about his future...his past had issues... he has been randomly calling me over the past few months from a blocked number (i changed the password so he couldn't check msgs and he changed his number) yes I know that was immature ans I feel so bad I did it but it's done and I apologized to him for it. He has recently begun calling and revealing his number.. twice in one day and I missed em... didn't call to see who was calling me from an unfamiliar number, I have not used it at all, then he called me a week later and admitted that he had been trying to call me... to see how I was doing !!! WTH....since I really don't know what to think... Tell me what you would think. I have to give you props. I am proud that you realized it was an ill infected situation and you made the move to end it. I understand your hurt and pain. I understand that you want an answer.. I often ask why (but I just ask myself, because I know I will never know why unless my ex decides to get his issues figured out and tell me). I also understand how you are hurt that he didn't chase you. You have spent intimate time with this person and are hurt and confused as to why he wouldn't even try after the time you have spent together. I would suggest going LC to NC for awhile for you to work on yourself and gain strength and confidence; and for him to figure out what he wants. From the sounds of it, he does care if he has been trying to get in contact with you. That doesn't mean you will get back together. Try to focus on you and moving forward. Easier said then done, you can do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MizHoney2U Posted November 2, 2011 Author Share Posted November 2, 2011 Oh my Now that it's been put to me that way... I was hurt from the very time I decided that I had to break it off. Funny though, I felt a tiny bit of relief after I did it, but I still hurt a lot. Up to this point I really believed that I wanted him back.... now that you've put it to me in that question I have to wonder... Thanx for the props, I know that should make me feel better about it but it doesn't. But I am so glad I have this avenue to vent cause I think I'd have gone crazy... and it's been 8 months. Link to post Share on other sites
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