shayla Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 I spent 3 years with a man who spent the last year of our relationship preparing to marry another woman. It sucks. Thinking that someone loves you and finding out that he is capable of causing you that kind of pain hurts so badly. Over and over in your mind you think about everything you did, everything you both said, and everything is soiled by his betrayal. The only thing I can say is that I'm sorry, to keep venting here, and that in time it does get better.
perfectlyflawed459 Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 I called him. I saw a picture of that girl I had suspicions about with her kissing him and I fell apart and called. I don't know why I can't just move on and forget about it. But he's been talking to her all this time he was sleeping with me and saying he still cares and that he'd always be there, but he's not. Finally the tears are back. I messed up, I'm back at the start and I hate myself even more. I just give up, I honestly don't think I'm ever going to have a normal relationship. I just am so done. Everyone around me just uses me and no one takes me seriously. I'm so sick of it. I am just effing done. I am sorry about everything that is going on, I know how that feels because that is basically what happened with my ex and I the past two months. I was seeing him again and he was screwing around with another girl. He said he wanted to see me more too and that he missed me and all that good stuff. When I found out about her I told him I was done and didn't want anything to do with him. He tried to tell me she meant nothing and he even cried a little, telling me he was sorry and that he knows he's an ******* and that he caused us to fall apart. I still said goodbye and let him know he still meant the world to me, and then he just held me for 10 mins, kissing my forehead like he use to when we were together. It has been a month since then, we haven't spoken to each other, and I think he is dating that other girl. It was rough at first, I felt exactly how you did, but I refused to let him bring me down this low. I know it is hard, but there is always something positive to appreciate in life, even the smallest things like nice weather. Right now you need to focus on you, learning how to make yourself happy and loving yourself. If you can't love yourself, how do you expect anyone else to? It is okay to grieve, be angry, and all that, but it shouldn't consume your life. Hatred and grudges are an ugly thing, and as hard as it is, you need to let go and forgive him. You may think I sound crazy, but that is what I am doing with my ex and I feel a lot better despite everything that happened. If you don't forgive, then this grudge will just keep eating at you. In my situation, my ex knows what he did was wrong, and I believe that will tear at him until he realizes he made a mistake. Maybe you ex knows he did you wrong too ya know?
Author BLuvv Posted October 25, 2011 Author Posted October 25, 2011 Hey again, I feel/felt the same way. My ex. went back to her ex. and I wondered how long she was sleeping with him behind my back. I trusted her and also felt physically sick. You said "could've" been sleeping with her too,,,, Could've? Well she's one of the uber-religious types that waits for marriage. So maybe he's using me for sex and dating her?? He swore he would never date a girl that was so hung up on waiting til marriage. But now I don't know what to believe. I thought he was someone I could trust. Even my friends I thought I could trust I can't. I don't even trust my own judgement anymore.
Author BLuvv Posted October 25, 2011 Author Posted October 25, 2011 I am dealing with something similar, check out my posts and let me know what you think,, It;s no fun but I am thankful I found this forum for a release... just keep releasing and working thru this pain with the rest of us. It will get better... I still feel mine but its bearable.. No, it's definitely no fun. I am surprised but the people her have been more supportive of me than anywhere. And they really understand what I'm going through.
Author BLuvv Posted October 25, 2011 Author Posted October 25, 2011 I know what your going through trust me. I was with my ex for 7 years, engaged. It was me and her against the world. We were inseperatable. 3 months ago we had a fight and stopped talking for a week. I called her to talk, she changed her number. I emailed her, she blocked my emails. I went to her house and begged and pleaded and cried, she laughed. I sent flowers, cards, poems, you name it. I got no response. I called her again one day and she told me to give her 1 month and she'll decide. 1 month later she never called. I went to the hospital with an anxiety attack. She knew I was there cause I told her mother. She never came to visit or called. I found out she was with a guy 6 years younger than her, she had been with him the whole time. I gave her everything of me. She completly changed. She used to hate going out, now she clubbs and parties every weekened. It hurts, really bad. But one thing I can say, is dont let a stupid guy destroy you. She almost destroyed me, but I fought through it, for myself and my family who TRULY loves me. Nobody on this earth is worth losing yourself over, NOBODY. Yes I still hurt, but I have faith, because I know if this girl I loved so much could just forget about me so quick, then theres gotta be someone out there whos gonna give me the love I deserve. You need to think that way. He's not worth it. You deserve to be with someone who's gonna appreciate what you have to give, he doesnt, so find the one who will! Stop taking sleeping pills, keep yourself busy. Do everything you always wanted to do but didnt try. Meet new friends, good friends, learn new things. It wont be easy, but one day you'll look back and realize how silly you were for wanting to be with this guy, trust me. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I wasn't even with my ex that long, basically 3 years off and on. I am struggling but know what you are saying is true. I just can't get my heart to agree with my head. There are those of us who love hard and then I think others can change in the blink of an eye, and I will never understand that. How can you just stop loving someone?? Sometimes, I think my ex was lying saying he ever loved me. And then I wonder why I loved him so much.
Author BLuvv Posted October 25, 2011 Author Posted October 25, 2011 I spent 3 years with a man who spent the last year of our relationship preparing to marry another woman. It sucks. Thinking that someone loves you and finding out that he is capable of causing you that kind of pain hurts so badly. Over and over in your mind you think about everything you did, everything you both said, and everything is soiled by his betrayal. The only thing I can say is that I'm sorry, to keep venting here, and that in time it does get better. Yeah, I know what you mean. I keep going over and over everything in my head thinking what I could've done differently or how I should've moved on sooner. My intuition kept telling me there was someone else but I didn't want to believe it, he denied it and I wanted to think he was telling the truth. Then I had to snoop and see firsthand and it cut me so deep. I knew I shouldn't but I did it anyways. I guess I have always been the type to have to learn the hard way.
Author BLuvv Posted October 25, 2011 Author Posted October 25, 2011 I am sorry about everything that is going on, I know how that feels because that is basically what happened with my ex and I the past two months. I was seeing him again and he was screwing around with another girl. He said he wanted to see me more too and that he missed me and all that good stuff. When I found out about her I told him I was done and didn't want anything to do with him. He tried to tell me she meant nothing and he even cried a little, telling me he was sorry and that he knows he's an ******* and that he caused us to fall apart. I still said goodbye and let him know he still meant the world to me, and then he just held me for 10 mins, kissing my forehead like he use to when we were together. It has been a month since then, we haven't spoken to each other, and I think he is dating that other girl. It was rough at first, I felt exactly how you did, but I refused to let him bring me down this low. I know it is hard, but there is always something positive to appreciate in life, even the smallest things like nice weather. Right now you need to focus on you, learning how to make yourself happy and loving yourself. If you can't love yourself, how do you expect anyone else to? It is okay to grieve, be angry, and all that, but it shouldn't consume your life. Hatred and grudges are an ugly thing, and as hard as it is, you need to let go and forgive him. You may think I sound crazy, but that is what I am doing with my ex and I feel a lot better despite everything that happened. If you don't forgive, then this grudge will just keep eating at you. In my situation, my ex knows what he did was wrong, and I believe that will tear at him until he realizes he made a mistake. Maybe you ex knows he did you wrong too ya know? You are definitely right. I just have been so consumed by my depression and anxiety that I don't know how to just relax and enjoy life. And I know I struggle with forgiveness. Yet, there was my ex-fiance who did so many things to me but I forgave him. It wasn't easy, but him I can talk to and be okay and we both apologized to each other because neither of us was perfect. I felt like he was closer to me in that he had similar issues to me. And the strange thing is, I feel more hatred towards this girl than him. I don't know why? I guess i'm just insecure and jealous. I feel like she's prettier than me and his friends are probably all congratulating him on upgrading. I wonder if anyone even knew if he was still. Hanging out with me. But I don't think he will feel he did anything wrong, because technically we weren't together. He even said one time right after we had sex what I would do if he dated someone and it was right the night before my vacation and I stayed at his place by the airport. It almost ruined my whole vacation. I begged him to tell me who it was but he swore there wasn't a girl he was just saying in general. I should've stopped talking to him then. He was lying. I mean why would you ask that question in the first place, and I told him it would crush me. And not even 5 mins after we had slept together?! Wtf?? How can someone be so heartless?? I just want to move on and forget him. I just don't know how because I get so stuck on thinking.
rafael7676 Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 All of this taught me one important thing, that she never really loved me. She loved the idea of me, the security. If she really loved me, she wouldnt have done all of this to me. Not to mention, now shes telling EVERYONE that I cheated on her!!!! Complete BS!!! But you know what, I'm glad that I'm not with her, because I realized that she's not the one for me. I dont wanna spend my life with someone who is capable of betraying me like that. You need to think the same way. He did this to you, he doesnt love you. It hurts, but be thankful everyday that you know the truth about how he is and what he's capable of, and be thankful that you can now find someone who will TRULY love you!
MizHoney2U Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 Well she's one of the uber-religious types that waits for marriage. So maybe he's using me for sex and dating her?? He swore he would never date a girl that was so hung up on waiting til marriage. But now I don't know what to believe. I thought he was someone I could trust. Even my friends I thought I could trust I can't. I don't even trust my own judgement anymore. Please do not fall for that religious business... there are many ppl who will compromise anything for just about anything... Not saying that to hurt you but... you know it's a possibility, and why try to rationalize anything for him... the funniest thing is that sometimes even after they have moved on... they may have a breaking away period and use the dumpee to ease the transition and help try to balance their emotions... it's easy to play it cool and boost your ego when you can string along and bounce off the ex.
Author BLuvv Posted October 26, 2011 Author Posted October 26, 2011 All of this taught me one important thing, that she never really loved me. She loved the idea of me, the security. If she really loved me, she wouldnt have done all of this to me. Not to mention, now shes telling EVERYONE that I cheated on her!!!! Complete BS!!! But you know what, I'm glad that I'm not with her, because I realized that she's not the one for me. I dont wanna spend my life with someone who is capable of betraying me like that. You need to think the same way. He did this to you, he doesnt love you. It hurts, but be thankful everyday that you know the truth about how he is and what he's capable of, and be thankful that you can now find someone who will TRULY love you! Wow, yeah can't believe someone would go and make up stories like that. You certainly don't deserve that! Im trying to believe I am better off too, it's tough right now though.
Author BLuvv Posted October 26, 2011 Author Posted October 26, 2011 Please do not fall for that religious business... there are many ppl who will compromise anything for just about anything... Not saying that to hurt you but... you know it's a possibility, and why try to rationalize anything for him... the funniest thing is that sometimes even after they have moved on... they may have a breaking away period and use the dumpee to ease the transition and help try to balance their emotions... it's easy to play it cool and boost your ego when you can string along and bounce off the ex. Yeah, I'm sure it is possible, just so many scenarios racing through my head. Wish I could turn it off. I overthink everything and my insecurities get me all the time, I start thinking she is prettier than me and she's one of those "think they are holier than everyone, put themselves on a pedestal" types that I can't stand. I really am so hard on myself. And then I think what is it she has that I don't. Why her? I know it's not useful to think that way, but ugh when my mind gets going it's so hard to stop.
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