BLuvv Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 I called him. I saw a picture of that girl I had suspicions about with her kissing him and I fell apart and called. I don't know why I can't just move on and forget about it. But he's been talking to her all this time he was sleeping with me and saying he still cares and that he'd always be there, but he's not. Finally the tears are back. I messed up, I'm back at the start and I hate myself even more. I just give up, I honestly don't think I'm ever going to have a normal relationship. I just am so done. Everyone around me just uses me and no one takes me seriously. I'm so sick of it. I am just effing done.
honeydrip Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 I don't know what to say except I feel the same right now too.
Author BLuvv Posted October 25, 2011 Author Posted October 25, 2011 I'm just seriously sickened. I really thought he cared about me at least a little. It's so clear to me now why he never wanted me around his friends, because there was this other sk*nk. Ugh...I really hate this girl so much and I don't even know her. How could he do this to me??? I tried so hard and spent all my time with him, I ditched my friends and family for him and I get nothing. He just took my heart and threw it in the trash like it was nothing. I'm beyond hurt. I just am devestated. I really don't believe anymore. I've barely had any hope and what little there was is gone. I'm crushed and I hate myself. I don't even want to do anything anymore or try. When I try I just get hurt.
Bobby289 Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 Don't hate yourself, you are human and having a moment of weakness and that's nothing to be ashamed of! I have done the same thing and I'm sure almost everyone here has as well, live and learn. People change even the ones we think we truly know. All you can do is move on and remember if he ever calls or contacts what he has done to you.
Author BLuvv Posted October 25, 2011 Author Posted October 25, 2011 I just can't get over it. So far, besides the intial relief I felt when I decided to go nc, i've felt numb at best. I just keep hurting worse. And he has this other girl. I'm so disgusted to think he could've been sleeping with her too. I trusted him. I always trust the wrong people and I'm always disappointed. I canr deal. I am so alone and now this. It's just too much and there is nothing to look forward to in my life anymore. Only problems.
reallypo Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 hey Bluvv, I'm sorry ur going thru this. I'm in the EXACT situation. hurts like the devil. i think if they werent that "into" us...they shouldn't have misled us for so long! but when they found THEIR right time to make the move, adios to the girls who were there for them, been their best friend/gf. toss us like we never meant anything! for another person! all i have to say............karma. i had a pretty sweet revenge (nothing illegal....) if my ex-guy could care nothing about me when i was so sad...he's by today should at least feel shame around people. mess with me, i'll mess right back x10. and i'm still hurt. but i'm over HIM.
Author BLuvv Posted October 25, 2011 Author Posted October 25, 2011 hey Bluvv, I'm sorry ur going thru this. I'm in the EXACT situation. hurts like the devil. i think if they werent that "into" us...they shouldn't have misled us for so long! but when they found THEIR right time to make the move, adios to the girls who were there for them, been their best friend/gf. toss us like we never meant anything! for another person! all i have to say............karma. i had a pretty sweet revenge (nothing illegal....) if my ex-guy could care nothing about me when i was so sad...he's by today should at least feel shame around people. mess with me, i'll mess right back x10. and i'm still hurt. but i'm over HIM. Yeah, that's the thing that hurts so much. I believed the crap he told me that he loved me and would always be there for me and it was all lies. He was just waiting for the next best thing. I wasn't looking for anyone, I only care for him and I'm still not over him. It's good you've been able to move on. I just don't know how anymore. I don't even care how bad I look right now. I think he should know how much he hurt me. I don't want to hurt him, I just wish he could understand that he caused me so much pain. He devestated me. I wanted so much to be with him and all along he just never had the balls to just stand up and say he wants someone else. He always tried to play the "nice guy" like he was so great to me and yet he was doing this all behind my back. I feel betrayed.
Bobby289 Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 Make an appointment with a therapist, believe me it helps more than you think. I thought my life was over for the first 2 weeks but then I talked to a therapist and made me realize a lot. You are at the lowest point of heartbreak right now and there is nothing anyone on this forum to help you heal...It's on you to want to get better. It is hard, I still am discussed about how my ex is dealing with this break up but I don't let it ruin how I feel about myself. You do not deserve to feel like this and it will get better but only if you allow it.
Author BLuvv Posted October 25, 2011 Author Posted October 25, 2011 I just don't have hope that it will get better. I've been going to a psychiatrist for months now and I still can't feel happy. At least I feel pain now, it's better than feeling numb. I just don't know how to feel normal anymore. My anxiety and depression destroyed my relationship and I can't stop feeling this way. I don't think anyone will ever love me enough to accept me like the way I am. Honestly, I know I have issues and I wish they were gone but I can't seem to get over them and I am convinced I am going to end up alone. I just don't know what's worth trying for.
Bobby289 Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 What was the main cause of your anxiety during the relationship? Trust issues? No body is perfect and there is someone that will love your flaws as much as your atributes even if you do not see that right now.
Author BLuvv Posted October 25, 2011 Author Posted October 25, 2011 I've always had anxiety, social and generalized anxiety. I just always never knew where I stood with my ex and he never made a commitment. He was perfectly happy to be fwb after we broke up and I told him I felt used and hurt worse and he swore it would never happen again. And then there was the time I told him I wanted to talk and I poured my heart out to him and pretty much cried my heart out and let him know I wanted to be with him and he said no and next thing you know he's all over me and I can't say no to him. I felt so low and used. After that and then he always made plans and cancelled at last mintue bc he forgot things. And I was depressed and couldn't go and find a new job bc I was afraid even though I was unhappy where im at. Just so many crappy things have happened these last couple years that I don't think I can take anymore and im basically on my own. No one is there to hold me or tell me its going to be okay. I can't stand it. I just want to love and be loved in return. It seems like too much to ask though.
Author BLuvv Posted October 25, 2011 Author Posted October 25, 2011 Omg he just texted, I have no idea what to say...
Author BLuvv Posted October 25, 2011 Author Posted October 25, 2011 He said he's been extremely busy....yeah a whole month of being busy replacing me. Wtf? Does he think I'm stupid???!
Bobby289 Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 I feel a lot of what you have said and know how it feels to be so low and weak. Your emotions are dependent on other people and not yourself. I am/was the same way, you have to believe in yourself it is hard to want to or think you can when you are so low but it is what you need. If you found someone right now to love and love you back it will not change the problem that got you to this point. I am not saying this to be hard on you, I say it because I have the same problem. I was co-dependent on my ex, had social anxiety because I did not have self-esteem, and felt like she would never let me feel this pain and hurt so much. "Bad news never had good timing" as John Mayer would say, I fell bad because I know where you are right now but I can't tell you things that only you can find out for yourself. If you are on Facebook again, deactivate it. That was the best choice I made.
Bobby289 Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 He said he's been extremely busy....yeah a whole month of being busy replacing me. Wtf? Does he think I'm stupid???! YEAH IGNORE HIM! He's just testing to see what he can get away with and what he can get out of you. Trust me, I was that guy in high school.
Author BLuvv Posted October 25, 2011 Author Posted October 25, 2011 YEAH IGNORE HIM! He's just testing to see what he can get away with and what he can get out of you. Trust me, I was that guy in high school. I'm freaking out right now. I even took sleeping pills and yet I'm wired. I just wanted to go to sleep. I feel like I owe him an explanation why I called so late.
Author BLuvv Posted October 25, 2011 Author Posted October 25, 2011 nah u dont... I can't just leave it hanging like that. It's driving me crazy. I don't know what to say?
Bobby289 Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 NOTHING! Stop giving him what he wants otherwise he will keep taking it and bringing you back down. I know how bad you want to just talk, but resist it!
Author BLuvv Posted October 25, 2011 Author Posted October 25, 2011 NOTHING! Stop giving him what he wants otherwise he will keep taking it and bringing you back down. I know how bad you want to just talk, but resist it! It is taking every ounce of my strength not to reply. I wish the sleeping pills would work and make me sleep, but I am more wide awake then ever. I was the one who called and I shouldn't but I did it and now I feel like I have to say something. I don't want to be the crazy who calls n hangs up and doesn't answer back.
Bobby289 Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 Who cares what he thinks after what he has done. You have no obligation to explain the call, if anything it will make him crazy as to why instead of knowing you wanted to talk. turn off your phone for the night, and get some rest, tomorrow is a new day! Speaking of that I need to pass out myself... Just breath, turn off your phone, log off any way of contact.
Author BLuvv Posted October 25, 2011 Author Posted October 25, 2011 Bobby, Thank you. I'm going to try to do that. Ugh..just need to turn off my brain...
MizHoney2U Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 I am dealing with something similar, check out my posts and let me know what you think,, It;s no fun but I am thankful I found this forum for a release... just keep releasing and working thru this pain with the rest of us. It will get better... I still feel mine but its bearable..
rafael7676 Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 I know what your going through trust me. I was with my ex for 7 years, engaged. It was me and her against the world. We were inseperatable. 3 months ago we had a fight and stopped talking for a week. I called her to talk, she changed her number. I emailed her, she blocked my emails. I went to her house and begged and pleaded and cried, she laughed. I sent flowers, cards, poems, you name it. I got no response. I called her again one day and she told me to give her 1 month and she'll decide. 1 month later she never called. I went to the hospital with an anxiety attack. She knew I was there cause I told her mother. She never came to visit or called. I found out she was with a guy 6 years younger than her, she had been with him the whole time. I gave her everything of me. She completly changed. She used to hate going out, now she clubbs and parties every weekened. It hurts, really bad. But one thing I can say, is dont let a stupid guy destroy you. She almost destroyed me, but I fought through it, for myself and my family who TRULY loves me. Nobody on this earth is worth losing yourself over, NOBODY. Yes I still hurt, but I have faith, because I know if this girl I loved so much could just forget about me so quick, then theres gotta be someone out there whos gonna give me the love I deserve. You need to think that way. He's not worth it. You deserve to be with someone who's gonna appreciate what you have to give, he doesnt, so find the one who will! Stop taking sleeping pills, keep yourself busy. Do everything you always wanted to do but didnt try. Meet new friends, good friends, learn new things. It wont be easy, but one day you'll look back and realize how silly you were for wanting to be with this guy, trust me.
mike588 Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 I just can't get over it. So far, besides the intial relief I felt when I decided to go nc, i've felt numb at best. I just keep hurting worse. And he has this other girl. I'm so disgusted to think he could've been sleeping with her too. I trusted him. I always trust the wrong people and I'm always disappointed. I canr deal. I am so alone and now this. It's just too much and there is nothing to look forward to in my life anymore. Only problems. Hey again, I feel/felt the same way. My ex. went back to her ex. and I wondered how long she was sleeping with him behind my back. I trusted her and also felt physically sick. You said "could've" been sleeping with her too,,,, Could've?
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