What motivation would a man have to get married as opposed to just staying in an LTR?

[musemaj11]

Pay attention. I said that I was the one who approached the idea of a pre-nup with my current H, and he said no. He brought FAR more assets to the marriage than I did. He works full-time as a senior executive in a pretty large corporation, and he brings home a hefty pay package. I work part-time in a field that gives me great personal satisfaction as well as helping people who are not as fortunate as I am, and I bring home a not-so-hefty salary with no benefits. I owned a home, and he did not. I have a son, and he is pretty expensive, I reckon! He owned 2 cars, I owned one. His retirement was far larger than mine.

 

He believes that pre-nups are an admission that divorce is a possibility. And he and I BOTH were already divorced, and we KNOW that marriages can end in divorce. We both KNOW that either of us could lose substantially in a divorce; he left his first marriage with about 42% of his financial assets and about 20% of household goods on HIS own decision. But he firmly believed that if we admitted that our marriage could end in divorce, then there was a greater possibility that it would.

 

Musemaj, I look at you and I look at my husband, and I see two men. But when I look at him, I see a man who is generous to a fault, optimistic and broad-minded; when I read your posts, I picture a man who is petty, stingy in finances and emotion, and small-minded.

 

So all in all, it is far best that you remain single and unmarried, while my husband and I enjoy the luxury of having each other and being happy as a partnership in all aspects - legally, emotionally, spiritually, and socially. Have fun!

As I said before, your husband is a typical manipulated man of the older generation who had been brainwashed to believe that his worth as a man is judged by the amount of financial 'sacrifice' he is willing to devote to the woman he loves.

 

I feel sorry for 'fanatical gentlemen' like him. I used to be one myself. They need to learn to be generous toward themselves more.

[musemaj11]

Sometimes immigration status and citizenship for those born outside the country.

 

Bottom line... it's a risk, and taking that risk makes a statement to your partner about how much you love, trust, and cherish them. 90% of the time you get knifed in the back... but what the hell... most of us guys are stupid gamblers at heart.

 

So really the answer to your question is Love. That's why.

Marriage is a commitment only to the party that stands the risk to lose more should the venture break down along the way.

 

Chloe Kardashian has a prenup that grants her millions of dollars should her marriage with Lamar Odom fail. So she swims in money regardless the success of the marriage. Where is the risk in that?

[Pyro]

My main reason for marriage is a special circumstance, as most here know that it was either get married or end the long distance relationship (neither of us would have continued it if we stayed long distance).

 

Mrs. Pyro is my best friend and I will continue to make this marriage work so that I can prove all the cry babies wrong that a marriage can work.

[Sanman]

My main reason for marriage is a special circumstance, as most here know that it was either get married or end the long distance relationship (neither of us would have continued it if we stayed long distance).

 

Mrs. Pyro is my best friend and I will continue to make this marriage work so that I can prove all the cry babies wrong that a marriage can work.

 

 

Of course a marriage can work. That really is not the issue. The issue is one of qualifying your partner. Pick the right partner and married or not, you will stay together. Pick the wrong partner and all that changes is the amount of devastation in your life.

[Pyro]

Of course a marriage can work. That really is not the issue. The issue is one of qualifying your partner. Pick the right partner and married or not, you will stay together. Pick the wrong partner and all that changes is the amount of devastation in your life.

 

and the lesson is to not rush into marriage without knowing the person.

[threebyfate]

Just asked my husband across the room and he said matter-of-factly and without hesitation, "You're the one".

 

Did I ever mention how much I love this man?

[joystickd]

The only thing is a deeper level of commitment. I mean girlfriends/boyfriends come and go but wife/husband is a more permanent thing. Husband/wife is like a yin yang. You both complete each other. It goes from me and you and is officially we or us. Its a shame now that marriage has become more a business transaction. I work in a nursing home and I will say its a beautiful thing to see a couple thats been married 40+ years. Those are the people we should be getting some marriage tips from and not someone that has been divorced a few times.

[Els]

Haha, very true.

 

I'll head into the nursing homes and do some interviews someday.

[OliveOyl]

and the lesson is to not rush into marriage without knowing the person.

 

I wish it was that simple

 

I knew my ex very well when I married him, but I didn't really know what was truly important in making a relationship work long term... that, and we both changed quite a bit over the 15+ years of marriage.

[oaks]

Just asked my husband across the room and he said matter-of-factly and without hesitation, "You're the one".

 

Did I ever mention how much I love this man?

 

Aww! That's sweet.

[amythan]

I cannot see a good reason to get married. Even kids.

 

I have lived nine years with my ex-bf and when we split it was just it, a break up. We avoided the fighting and families involved and all this mess. I do not expect anyone to support me financially and i do not plan to do it either with anyone. If i love you live together would be enough. Not everyone agrees. My former bf wanted to get married, i guess in his mind i was not committed enough and it was not true but he perceived this way.

[zengirl]

I wish it was that simple

 

I knew my ex very well when I married him, but I didn't really know what was truly important in making a relationship work long term... that, and we both changed quite a bit over the 15+ years of marriage.

 

I think it's threefold:

*Know the person

*Know what you want for your life (longterm)

*Know yourself

 

If any of those is missing or incompatible, it won't work out.

[Stung]

On further reflection I came up with another idea: marriage is symbolic of an intent for the relationship to be enduring (which isn't quite the same as using the 'commitment' word), so a motivation could be a desire to express that intent.

 

I like your phrasing, and I believe that this motivation factored into my husband's reasoning re: marriage (my own as well).

 

The only reason to get married is that you're in love and you think it'd make you happy and make your love even better. Whatever those other side notes are, they're just side notes. Why does it need a logical justification?...

 

...The people who are in lasting marriages derive joy from the thought of being married to their spouse, the action of marrying them, and the sustaining state of marriage when they're in it, I figure. So, the real answer to why marry? is: If it'll make you happier than if you don't.

 

Yes.

 

Haha, very true.

 

I'll head into the nursing homes and do some interviews someday.

 

I worked with elderly Alzheimer's patients for a few years, and saw many very long-term marriages there, that had weathered many storms. My favorite patient had been married sixty-something years, he had forgotten some things about his recent years but the early years with his wife were crystal clear, the courtship, the babies and school years, etc. He could remember the popular songs of their courtship, when he took her dancing. He was ninety years old with Alzheimer's, she was in her 80s and had gone blind, and they still lived on their own (in a cottage on their son's property) and went dancing at the Senior Center one night a week. He told me she was still a tiger in the sack, with a broad grin and a wink and a nudge. I met her once, she was a tiny thing, frail and birdlike, and he always gave her his arm to guide her. He danced with her in the break room. Their love was really very moving.

 

My own husband's reasons for desiring marriage are a complex melange, as I understand them, and children actually had little to do with it. After all, he had a daughter from a previous girlfriend, and he already had 50% legal and physical custody of her, he knew very well that the legal framework of marriage isn't a real necessity for raising children. Our son was born before we got engaged, as well, although we lived together and planned on raising him together.

 

My husband and I aren't particularly traditional, obviously. We both grew up in very liberal urban areas, and we're both basically atheists. Our little family has a mix of names. We didn't care about a big traditional wedding. We were already living together and had co-mingled bank accounts and property.

 

He did ask me to marry him when I first got pregnant, but I wasn't sure if it was just because of the pregnancy and to appease my more-traditional family, so at first I said no and told him we should talk about it later. Later he pushed for me to elope with him to a JOP while I was pregnant because my pregnancy was high risk on two different fronts, and he was afraid something might happen to me and he would be excluded by the hospital. I wasn't convinced that was a great reason to marry, though, so we checked on some legalities with a lawyer and I gave him temporary legal power of attorney and included him in my will and living will.

 

Later, when we finally really decided to marry, it was mostly just because of love. The symbolic unity, as well as the legal knitting together of what was already a family. A manifestation of our feeling that what we had was something inescapably and indefinably and so-importantly bigger and more enduring and just more than what we had ever had before, with other live-in loves of the past. Because this was the framework we wanted to grow old together in. Of course, my husband is a multi-faceted guy so practical considerations rooted there, too--taxes, inheritance laws, health insurance, all of those things that get pretty important when you're going to be old together.

 

As in most U.S. states, there is no legal common-law status in our area, btw.

[RiverRunning]

I just asked my H, and he said (am paraphrasing), "Because I loved you and your son with my entire being, and I wanted to shout it to the entire world, and I wanted every possible method of tying myself to you (legal, emotional, spiritual, social, familial) and I wanted to protect you and take care of you as long as I can."

 

 

I think this basically sums it up. When you're serious about someone, I think there's a push to make it official. And frankly, to lock her down.

 

Sure, you can move on at any time and find another woman. She can also move on at any time and find a man. A marriage is sort of a symbolic way of saying, "I'm done moving on for something else. I'm -so- done that I'm going to enter into a legally binding contract with you...which will end either with our deaths or a costly divorce." It's security - you won't move on and she won't move on. I think that's a reason to get married too.

 

There's also certainty and security regarding rights. When you get married, you get TONS of rights that you would either a.) not be entitled to or b.) could only get after filing a bunch of separate paperwork. It's an easy and quick way to get your legal and financial business in order with your next-of-kin.