MagicMarkers Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 Hey everyone. Just some background information, I'm a junior in highschool, as is my girlfriend. We've been going out for about three months after being best friends for another three, and it's been going FANTASTIC. Obviously since I'm still in highschool my experiences with women are extremely limited, but we have been going so much better than any of my other relationships it amazes me how I ever tolerated any of the other girls. I realize that we're still in the "honeymoon" phase of the relationship so these feelings may or may not fade away over the next few months, but I'd still like to think that they won't just fade away after the luster has gone away. Anyway, that's not what the thread is about. Both of us are virgins. We have discussed this a few times, and she says that she would rather wait to have sex until she is out of highschool. Being a guy, I would of course like to have sex, but I definitely recognize the wisdom of her decision and would never pressure her into doing anything that she doesn't want to do and I won't let it affect the relationship. Besides, the relationship is going great as it is. However, will the relationship be able to last for an extended period of time past the honeymoon stage without sex? The way I've seen people talking about sex in relationships make me think it's almost essential for a committed relationship, and if this is true, it seems like the lack of sex would be a possible barrier to our relationship later on in a few months. I guess my question is, in the possible situation that we go on for a few more months, would her decision to wait for sex pose a barrier for the relationship that would cause it to break?
Cypress25 Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 At your age, sex is not essential to a good relationship. In fact, I would argue that sex could ruin a good relationship at your age. I'm not trying to be condescending, but 16-year-olds don't need to be having sex. High school kids should be virgins, you're not yet in an adult relationship. Even in an adult relationship, there's nothing wrong with waiting for sex. I'm 26 and 3 months is the absolute minimum that I would wait. When I was younger (in college and right after college), I had long-term relationships that lasted anywhere from 8 months to 2.5 years...without sex. I would say sex is important for a long-term committed relationship, but that doesn't mean it has to happen within the first 6 months, or even within the first year. Besides, your girl is the one who runs the risk of pregnancy, so I can't blame her for wanting to wait until she's done with high school. No, teenage relationships do not need sex. If you can't have a good relationship without sex, then you can't have a good relationship, period.
thatone Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 the short answer to your question is yes. in adult relationships 3 months or a little more isn't terribly out of the ordinary, depending on schedules and how much you see each other. but over a year? that's a problem. go on for a few more months. let her get more attached to you, don't bring it up, play all your cards right, keep her interested. then bring it up again and see where it goes.
Cypress25 Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 I guess my question is, in the possible situation that we go on for a few more months, would her decision to wait for sex pose a barrier for the relationship that would cause it to break? Only if you start being a dick about it. Otherwise, why should it be a problem? You're kids, learn how to have a mature relationship before you complicate things by adding sex to the equation. Besides, if you start pressuring her, one of two things will happen: (1) you'll lose her; or (2) she'll give in and have sex before she's ready, and then she'll roll over and cry right after you have sex. Do either of those options sound good to you?
OliveOyl Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 Hey everyone. Just some background information, I'm a junior in highschool, as is my girlfriend.... However, will the relationship be able to last for an extended period of time past the honeymoon stage without sex? At your age yes. Good grief, you're my daughter's age! The way I've seen people talking about sex in relationships make me think it's almost essential for a committed relationship... I'd say this is true when you are both older. E.g. 20's and older. At your age, not necessary. Young love and all that... Maybe others will correct me but I would say for females, sex at your age is not a "need" in a relationship until several years later (when hormones shift, etc.).
musemaj11 Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 If you are a guy, sex is essential dude! Listen to me man, once you are in college, life will be hard for you if you are still a virgin.
xxoo Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 Hi MagicMarkers-- My husband and I started dating as teens. We were sexual together, but refrained from intercourse until I graduated, and was 18. It just felt right to wait until I was out of high school to engage in such an adult act. We've been married a long while now, and have kids of our own. We've never regretted waiting until I was a bit older to take that next step. Think of intercourse as a reward for growing up, and having all the adult responsibilities. Be safe! And enjoy each other
delurk Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 (edited) I guess my question is, in the possible situation that we go on for a few more months, would her decision to wait for sex pose a barrier for the relationship that would cause it to break? Only if you let it. There's no hard and fast limit in any relationship beyond which if sex doesn't happen, the relationship will automatically start to break. That's especially the case when you're younger, but still true to a lesser extent when you're older too. In any relationship, sex is a step both parties should decide they're comfortable with taking before they take it. If one person isn't yet comfortable with taking that step and the other doesn't respect that, that's when problems arise. But if the mutual respect to wait is there, there need not be any problems. So a relationship where sex doesn't start to happen for a certain period of time is hardly doomed to failure - particularly when you're young. But the relationship is guaranteed to be strained if you start to make a big issue of it, or if you let it consume your thoughts to the point where essentially all you're thinking about is how to get her to have sex with you. Basically it's up to you whether you let the issue of sex become an issue between you both in the future. If you pressure her too much about it, that's a surefire way to a quick breakup. Funnily enough, if you simply don't let it bother you and respect her wishes (and your relationship lasts the distance), there's a fair chance sex will happen naturally with time anyway. Just don't force the issue. Edited October 25, 2011 by delurk
oaks Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 Both of us are virgins. We have discussed this a few times, and she says that she would rather wait to have sex until she is out of highschool. Being a guy, I would of course like to have sex, but I definitely recognize the wisdom of her decision and would never pressure her into doing anything that she doesn't want to do and I won't let it affect the relationship. Besides, the relationship is going great as it is. However, will the relationship be able to last for an extended period of time past the honeymoon stage without sex? At least you've discussed it, which is more than lots of children do before they have sex! At your age and level of experience, yes a relationship can definitely last for a long time without sex. The way I've seen people talking about sex in relationships make me think it's almost essential for a committed relationship Is that "people" as in "adults of all ages" or as in "children your age"?
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