ITXTECH Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 (edited) Hi, I just need some advice, I'm totally lost. I'm in my early 30's and single for the last 2 years. Previous to that, I was in a serious relationship for 5 years. In the last year, I began exploring my dating options. I decided to take it slow and with caution, you know, more like baby steps (I wasn't really hurt from my previous relationship, I was just not ready to date). 4 months ago I met someone that I truly liked. I met a very smart woman, very nice, and all I ever wanted. We began going out to the movies, out to eat and stuff, nothing too serious, I wanted to get to know her first. Well, this month I decided to go all in. I wanted to formalize the relationship (not marriage or anything like that, just exclusive boy/girlfriend). She agreed but not without dropping a bomb. It turns out that she was a stripper for 5 years, and that she strips from time to time to make ends meet. This totally took me by surprise. I don't understand how a church goer, super sweet, nice, intelligent, caring, educated woman gets into stuff like this. I have strong feelings for this woman but I'm a conservative guy. I go to church every Sunday, live a healthy life, I'm educated, etc. My family would disown me and definitely would not approve of a person like this. Her argument is that she didn't wanna tell me about that because she didn't wanna scare me away. She says that she loves me and wants to have a serious relationship with me. All I can think of right now, is the bad qualities that MOST strippers are associated with: promiscuous, drunks, drug users, gold diggers, no values, what have you, -all the things she wasn't supposed to be or is not, God knows-. I don't have experience with strippers, that's all I have read. BTW, I did NOT meet her at a club, I met her at church, go figure. Of course, nobody at church knows what she truly does, she's an admin assistant, which she is, but also a stripper. I'm in shock and I don't know what to do. What do you people think? Advice please. PS: We've only had sex once, right before I decided to go serious about this. I'm now looking at my privates hoping I didn't catch anything , just a joke. Edited October 25, 2011 by ITXTECH
ChessPieceFace Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 A joke? I would be worried if I had caught something if I were you. I hate to stereotype someone based on profession but it's hard not to in this case. I'm trying to imagine a "normal" person that would strip, and I really can't come up with anything, at least not by my definition of normal. You seem to have a christian value structure; that's just not going to be compatible with such an open display of debauchery. IMO it's fine to be perverted with your partner or in your fantasies, but it's another thing to be the one selling and exposing your body to groups of people. If she also believes herself to be christian then she's also morally confused/compromised and/or a hypocrite. That's not uncommon but it is a second problem. You don't seem too emotionally invested in this person, like madly in love or whatever. So I'd vote for ending it. I'd also not expose her little secret to anyone.
iris219 Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 A stripper isn't a hooker. Why would you be any more concerned about an STD from her than any other woman? I'd be more concerned that she lied. Does she need the money? If not, and she does it for attention, that's concerning. Is she willing to stop stripping?
ffw Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 At the end of the day, you have to ask yourself one question. Being educated & all other features you mentioned, what kind of person will sell her body to make money? You are really bothered or else why you will post it here. This is clearly a big red flag. Trust me as long as you are with her, you will be keep thinking about her in her other job. Even though, she was honest with you, deep down you already know the answer.
Lobouspo Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 I dated a stripper about 3 or 4 years ago and it was an absolute nightmare. Would never do it again, but that was just my experience. I think your misgivings are understandable. I aagree with the previous post that her not being honest about it from the get go is a red flag. Perhaps an ultimatum regarding her stripping would be in order here? If she is not willing to drop it for you, how much does she really have vested in the relationship?
Mimi99 Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 I dated a stripper about 3 or 4 years ago and it was an absolute nightmare. Would never do it again, but that was just my experience. I think your misgivings are understandable. I aagree with the previous post that her not being honest about it from the get go is a red flag. Perhaps an ultimatum regarding her stripping would be in order here? If she is not willing to drop it for you, how much does she really have vested in the relationship? I agree with Lobouspo. It's obvious you don't want to date a stripper and don't approve of it. So just tell her so. Tell her to stop doing that because you don't approve of it. And if she loves you enough and wants to be with you, she'll respect your wishes and stop stripping. I can understand why she didn't want to tell you about it. Obviously it's not something alot of people would approve of. She didn't want to lose you. Give it sometime and see how things go. I'm wondering if she's really doing it for the money or if it's sort of a fantasy world for her. Multiple personality sorta thing. Idk. If you feel like she's the one, then don't let that stop you. Ask her to stop doing it and see how things go after that.
Art_Critic Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 I wanted to get to know her first. Well.. I guess you got to know her.. that is what dating is afterall. Is is a deal breaker or not is the question you have to answer.. If it is then move on otherwise I don't see an issue...
Duckduckgoose Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 I want to say "Every Saint has a Past, Every Sinner a Future". But if she STILL strips from time to time to make ends meet AND she's working at a church she's got repenting to do. Or she's got some serious cognitive dissonance issues she's battling. And ask yourself: Are you okay with being "exclusive" with a woman that doesn't mind showing her body off TO OTHER MEN FOR MONEY? And imagine if you married her? Not much sanctity in those vows if she doesn't mind flashing her tits to other men with some green in the pockets. And if her morals are loose on the "stripping" front I'd also wonder where else her morals lacked that yours might not.
Chi townD Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 Hi, All I can think of right now, is the bad qualities that MOST strippers are associated with: promiscuous, drunks, drug users, gold diggers, no values, what have you. That statement made me remember something. True, a lot of strippers are subjected to these elements, but some aren't. I knew a girl in college that paid her medical school tuition stripping. But once she got into her intership she had to stop. So, this statement isn't ALWAYS the case.
dasein Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 Can tell by your writing style and the content of what you post that this is never going to turn out well if you continue. She should have known better than to even try to start up with someone conservative, no idea what she was thinking. Sorry and better luck next time unless you can come up with some Mary Magdalene analogy you can live with.
Jynxx Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 Tell her to stop doing that because you don't approve of it. And if she loves you enough and wants to be with you, she'll respect your wishes and stop stripping. If you want to do this, then save the both of you time and pain and just end it. It's not happening. Have you ever tried forbidding someone something, or had someone forbid you something? And if you did, how did that end up? Let me guess: resentment, stress, feeling of disrespect. It's a stereotype, but strippers tend to be proud of what they did. They tend to have the thinking process going somewhat like "I needed the money, so instead of going to some social security service I found a way to make ends meet myself." Now if you plan to treat her like a charity case that you need to put straight and help get her life in order after she ****ed it up, things won't end well and you honestly shouldn't even bother. I suggest you have a calm conversation about it, ask her what her plans are for the future, whether she wants to continue stripping and for how long, then figure out if you could live with that or not. And do yourself a favour and use protection the next time.
Johnny85 Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 I am going to offer you a different perspective. I dated a girl for four years, who was a stripper before I met her. She told me that she did it two times, of course, she probably did it more than that. Listen, it was her past, and I accepted it. Just like the girl who you are dating right now, she grew up in a very conservative family, very religious family, although she was not religious herself. My point is that religious values are engrained into one's character, especially if she grew up in a religious family. This definitely applied to my ex. The girl you're dating sounds nice, so don't be too quick to judge her, man. And she did not lie to you, she just waited to tell you, for it is something she is embarrassed about. She has many other wonderful qualities: educated, intelligent, sweet, nice and caring. At the end of the day, that's what matters, right? Finally, the only thing I would feel anxious about right now is that she is still stripping. That is something I would personally not be alright with. But you'll have to have a talk with her about it. See what she says, and take it from there. Good luck!!
Author ITXTECH Posted October 25, 2011 Author Posted October 25, 2011 (edited) She comes from a middle class family. She says that she did it to put herself thru college, and she did, now she does it when she needs to make ends meet. I did notice that she needs a little bit more attention than other women, not that I have had that many (she's a little bit of a flirt but not in a bad way). So, this makes me worried that there are other issues there other than just making ends meet. We haven't really sit down and talked about this in more detail. It took me by surprise, totally. I had to go out of town due to business, and I'm still out of town but we decided not to talk about this over the phone that we would do it once I get back to town. She doesn't work at the church, she works for a private company as an administrative assistant to the general manager, I met her at the church I go to. She moved from CA. Anyway, we'll have the talk and I'll take it from there. I'm just not too happy about this. Out of all the women out there, I had to go for that one. I guess it's just the luck of the draw:( Edited October 25, 2011 by ITXTECH
mitchell Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 She came clean with you. Explain that the stripping will need to stop if you are in a relationship. Isn't being a good Christian about forgiveness? How was the sex? Perhaps you could parlay her past into a bit of entertainment for yourself. Explain that she strips for your eyes only from now on.
betterdeal Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 All I can think of right now, is the bad qualities that MOST strippers are associated with: promiscuous, drunks, drug users, gold diggers, no values, what have you, -all the things she wasn't supposed to be or is not, God knows-. I don't have experience with strippers, that's all I have read. BTW, I did NOT meet her at a club, I met her at church, go figure. Of course, nobody at church knows what she truly does, she's an admin assistant, which she is, but also a stripper. I'm in shock and I don't know what to do. What do you people think? Advice please. Judge her by her actions with you, rather than by what you've heard about strippers. Take some time to digest this - it's a big piece of news and you won't know how you feel for sure for a while. You do need to consider the wider context e.g. how it affects your relationship with the community, your family, friends etc. Will you be prepared to deal with people judging you / her for it? Does she have concrete plans for moving out of the that industry? Are you happy with other men seeing your woman strip? Take it easy, and slowly. And tell her you're taking it easy and slowly. If it doesn't work with you, so be it. If you want to explore a relationship with her, let her know what you're thinking.
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