kchapp232 Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 Okay, first of all I'm starting this thread not to get answers or anything like that but to just hear from others who have dealt with this before. A little over a month ago my ex girlfriend ended our year and a half relationship (she's 16, I'm 18). She was the first girl I have ever truly loved and vice versa. During the course of our relationship we rarely argued and only went through one small break up that lasted a week. We were both crazy about one another and we could do anything together and it would be fun, so the relationship never really had any stale moments. Around a year into the relationship she befriended a certain guy that was half a year younger than her and he never dated a girl before or had his first kiss. After getting to know each other he told her multiple times that he "loved her". She would laugh it off and since I wasn't very controlling I just ignored it. We went to Chicago with her family for Spring break and towards the end of the trip I recieved an email saying that I had made a non-profit performing arts group based in California (we live in Texas), and I'd be travelling with this group ALL SUMMER. This really upset both of us but she understood that I had wanted to do this for years. What I didn't consider was while I'd be gone there would be someone else in the picture... Once that rolled around I came back mid August and everything appeard to be fine between us. We were together until September 7th when she said "we should take a break". At the time I just assumed she really was too busy for me and she said things like "I can't have a serious relationship right now" and "maybe after a couple of months I'll be ready". The dreaded I love you was frequently used by her and I chose to play along and let her drag me around. Well a week and a half after this she's in a relationship with the guy she met earlier. I was completely crushed and confused because her original intentions didn't lead to that at all. I proceeded to show too many emotions and act naturally when I found this out but the pain kept getting worse. She never bothered telling me the truth from the beginning and if only she would have done that I may have been spared some grief. But due to her immaturity and inexperience she handled the situation with the worst possible care. Two weeks of emotional text messages followed (along with one day of spending time together, while she never told her new boyfriend about it) and then I just dropped out of the picture. I recieved a few random texts from her saying things like "hey", or "I still have *insert gift* in my room". Conversation was extremely light and now there is nothing. I intend on fully healing myself and from what I've read, no contact is the way to go. I don't want her back now that she did this to me, and I know I will fall in love with someone else again. I just want to hear stories like this from other people who have had to deal with being replaced.
perfectlyflawed459 Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 (edited) Okay, first of all I'm starting this thread not to get answers or anything like that but to just hear from others who have dealt with this before. A little over a month ago my ex girlfriend ended our year and a half relationship (she's 16, I'm 18). She was the first girl I have ever truly loved and vice versa. During the course of our relationship we rarely argued and only went through one small break up that lasted a week. We were both crazy about one another and we could do anything together and it would be fun, so the relationship never really had any stale moments. Around a year into the relationship she befriended a certain guy that was half a year younger than her and he never dated a girl before or had his first kiss. After getting to know each other he told her multiple times that he "loved her". She would laugh it off and since I wasn't very controlling I just ignored it. We went to Chicago with her family for Spring break and towards the end of the trip I recieved an email saying that I had made a non-profit performing arts group based in California (we live in Texas), and I'd be travelling with this group ALL SUMMER. This really upset both of us but she understood that I had wanted to do this for years. What I didn't consider was while I'd be gone there would be someone else in the picture... Once that rolled around I came back mid August and everything appeard to be fine between us. We were together until September 7th when she said "we should take a break". At the time I just assumed she really was too busy for me and she said things like "I can't have a serious relationship right now" and "maybe after a couple of months I'll be ready". The dreaded I love you was frequently used by her and I chose to play along and let her drag me around. Well a week and a half after this she's in a relationship with the guy she met earlier. I was completely crushed and confused because her original intentions didn't lead to that at all. I proceeded to show too many emotions and act naturally when I found this out but the pain kept getting worse. She never bothered telling me the truth from the beginning and if only she would have done that I may have been spared some grief. But due to her immaturity and inexperience she handled the situation with the worst possible care. Two weeks of emotional text messages followed (along with one day of spending time together, while she never told her new boyfriend about it) and then I just dropped out of the picture. I recieved a few random texts from her saying things like "hey", or "I still have *insert gift* in my room". Conversation was extremely light and now there is nothing. I intend on fully healing myself and from what I've read, no contact is the way to go. I don't want her back now that she did this to me, and I know I will fall in love with someone else again. I just want to hear stories like this from other people who have had to deal with being replaced. That is pretty much what happened with my ex boyfriend! He is younger than me too, I am 18 and he is 16 about to be 17. Our relationship was just like yours, and pretty much what broke us up was the fact that I was going off to college...kinda like how you went on your thing to Cali. As we dated I knew there were multiple girls that liked him, but I never made a huge deal about it. When we broke up, He told me that he thought I would meet a better guy than him and blah blah blah. So after we split, I noticed all those girls surrounding him and sure enough, he started dating one of them after we broke up. They didn't last long, but it still hurt. During that time him and I began to hate each other and we fought A LOT. We had on and off contact throughout my senior year, finally came onto a neutral ground at the end of the year. Fastforward two months into summer, he texts me out of the blue. We meet up, and all the feelings rush back between us. He kisses me and we end up confessing that we have missed each other. We agreed to see each other more, it worked out well over the summer, till school started up again. We started losing touch, so I tried harder to stay in touch. Before you know it, I found out he is going to date another girl who is in his grade. I tell him I can't see him anymore and he tried telling me she meant nothing, but I denied him. He cried and held me for ten mins saying hes sorry and that it is his fault we fell apart. He kissed my forehead like he always use to and then I just tell him goodbye and that he always will mean a lot to me. That was about a month ago and I have been in NC since. I think him and that girl are dating by now, but I have a feeling that whole deal is based on being physical, since she already gave him everything before they "got together." Plus he said she has a "non committing" attitude so that leads me to believe shes just easy and carefree, and I guess thats what he wants. I also realized that yea he missed me, but I can't see him very often because our lives are so busy, so why wouldn't he try and replace me with someone who is more available? Obviously he was feeling a void in losing me, but we simply can't see each other as much so why keep me around when he can have someone who is there all the time? I know how you feel in this situation, but we both have to realize that our ex's are YOUNGER than us. They are immature and are still in highschool, we are inconvenient for them ya know? Too much effort, and they are way to immature to realize how great they had it. Plus commitment to them is probably scary and too much pressure. I said I wouldnt want my ex back either, but I never meant it. He means the world to me, I love that boy to death lol. Let her grow up a little and let some time pass, maybe things can get better. That is what I am doing with my ex, if being apart for a longtime means that we can potentially have a stronger bond, then all this would be worth it to me. In the meantime, focus on YOU. Positive thinking is your best friend right now, I know it is hard, but I promise it gets easier. Go out and do some self improvement and appreciate all the things going right in your life. It really does help take your mind off all this negativity. Lastly, try to let go and forgive, I know how angry you are, believe me, but it feels a lot better to let go than to hold a grudge that just eats at you everyday. Best of luck to you, I am always here if you need to talk. Edited October 25, 2011 by perfectlyflawed459
Author kchapp232 Posted October 25, 2011 Author Posted October 25, 2011 That is pretty much what happened with my ex boyfriend! He is younger than me too, I am 18 and he is 16 about to be 17. Wow, thanks for the insight! Yeah we both understand that you can't just force someone to love you, and it's totally normal for an ex to want to see other people. It just sucks that sometimes people choose to string the other person along and give them false hope for the relationship to work. It's like they do that just in case there is nothing waiting for them and they have something to fall back on.
perfectlyflawed459 Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 Wow, thanks for the insight! Yeah we both understand that you can't just force someone to love you, and it's totally normal for an ex to want to see other people. It just sucks that sometimes people choose to string the other person along and give them false hope for the relationship to work. It's like they do that just in case there is nothing waiting for them and they have something to fall back on. Yea I mean again, they are younger, they don't really know what they want and they think they are missing out on seeing what else is out there. We can't really hold that against them, even though it sucks! We can care and love them, but we don't deserve to be strung around. Sometimes the best love you can give someone is to let them go. If anything, it will take A LOT of time for them to truly grow up and realize how great they had it. To make you feel better, my ex and I said we would never love each other again and all this hateful stuff...but add a little time and he ended up reaching out to me. You see, we were their first love and a HUGE part of their life for so long, that is something not just anyone can replace. We may be thinking that they are having the time of their life with this new person, but you can never really know for sure. Also, just the other day my friend's ex confessed his undying love for her out of the blue, and he was already with another girl for about 9 months! She said he seemed really happy and in love with her and he always pushed her away and be really rude when she would try to talk to him. So you just never know with these things!
Grinder88 Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 Yup you get involved with a kid gonna have to play kids games I guess Me 21 her 19 spent a few great months together, literally woke up one morning and she was back with her ex and hasn't said a word to me at all about any of it just completely went off the grid. Just gotta keep moving, I got back in the gym and released all my anger there..Now almost a month later I have really bulked/ toned up and meeting new girls is not even a challenge
beachwrangler Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 I feel your pain absolutely know the feeling. I'm 24 she's 21 but she still acts as if she is in highschool. She left me after being together for about 2 years and having our lives planned out together for a guy she had known for maybe a week and that night she was already sleeping with him. She has strung me along the past month saying things such as I love you, I miss you, I want things to work, etc while still sleeping with this kid. Recently she got pissed because I said I couldn't be friends with her while she was seeing somebody else and have stuck to NC since. Been going to the gym, hanging out with friends, meeting new people, new haircut, new threads, new car, big promotion coming up in January things do get better. Will she ever come back, Will I ever take her back, honestly idk life is a crazy thing so will not rule anything out. Best thing is to let her go, let her experience life without you thats the decision she made. Forgiving her is also very important we are all human and all do some ****ty things. Just move on work on yourself and let nature take care of the rest.
Author kchapp232 Posted October 25, 2011 Author Posted October 25, 2011 Thanks for all the support guys. I know we're all just as capable of playing other people, and hopefully we'll learn at some point. I guess this is just a lesson of never letting your guard down and having dignity when something like this happens. A little update on my situation: The guy she is with is really different than me both physically and socially. None of his qualities are BAD and I know he's a good guy to her, it's just funny to notice how we vary. Like I'm 6'4", skinny, REALLY outgoing with nearly anyone I meet, and he's right around her hight of 5'8"ish, a little wider, EXTREMELY shy. There's nothing wrong with any of those traits of course. Either way I know what she did was really messed up but in the end all I want is for her to be happy. And if happiness lies with him then I'm all for it.
MIK1000 Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 Yes, the exact same happened to me except my GF who was 18, me 20, went away to america for the summer and became distant. Finally broke up with me after i got mad at her for being distant then two weeks later was going out with a boy from her camp. This was two months ago. Did they do this because they're young and immature or because they didn't love us enough, if at all. after going out for over a year, she talked about marrying me one day and was as committed as can be, yet she went away and didn't seem to miss me at all. The hardest thing is to make myself not want her back, or to imagine the day when she comes running back.
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