wnt2saveit Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 (edited) wife and i have been marid 10 years and have tin 6 year olds. Wife has shown me no intimace in the past year. No sex, kiss etc. Will allow m to kiss her on the head. We are in mc and have been for several months. Nothing is changing. She says she sees I am trying she doesn't know if marriage can be fixed. We have grown apart is all she ever says. We are fine when we are wih kids, we eat dinner every night together, we watch tv just her and I, we do things together and as a family. But when bed comes she sleeps in another room- she doesn't want me to think things are fine???? what??? I am tired of all of this- we are in debt up to our eye balls- she just went back to work about 3 months ago so separaing is out of the question. I told her I am willing to do whatever she sees as the problem to fix it but i don't know what it is. She says she needs time to sort out what she wants in her head- she has had 1 year to sort this out. I can't keep doing this but i do not want to destroy my family. So I aksed her a couple of days ago what she was thinking and she said she isn't thinking about it until after christams so another 2 months of waiting- I want to tell her to make up her mind either she wants to try or she doesn't. if she doesnt then get out! I was thinking of going away for a week to g o hunting so she could have some space do you think that work? any other advice? We actually have fun together but it seems one moment we act as a couple and then the next she just says I am still thinking of divorce. It is just like jeckel and hyde. She lost a lot of weight in the past 1 1/2 years to the tune of 80lbs and is thinner now then she was in high school and she looks amazing. So her wedding ring is to big but she won't get it resized wants to see if she gains any weight back- she would like to gain 10 lbs and then the ring won't fit so she wears another ring. I do tons around the house, help with kids etc. She says in mc that none of that is the problem its just we grew apart - maybe because we are in debt and I work f/t and then do tons fo side jobs for extra money so she could stay home. I just don't know what to do- do I give her a deadline to make up her mond or do I just keep at it and hope that she will wake up and see that the grass isn't greener on the othr side. or do I go away for a litle while like a week per month so she cna get space and time to think things through? please help Edited October 24, 2011 by wnt2saveit
gladiator Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 Hi,Sorry you are going through this This sound obvious,but do you not suspect an affair? No intimacy,weight loss etc,alarm bells!!
Author wnt2saveit Posted October 25, 2011 Author Posted October 25, 2011 there is no chance at an affair. She lost the weight because she was sick of being fat. She told the mc that the weight loss, the job, the kids are older and her self esteem is high and that is why she feels the way she does. I honestly do a lot around the home. I am at fault for the lack of communication but she is also. Neither one of us communicate what we are feeling. Is there any advice on what I should do, say. We are very friendly with each other and we are friends but to say husband and wife then that is a no. We do not say I love you anymore- I did until last week when I just got fed up with saying I love you and nothing in return this past year... I don't know if I just keep doing the MC or set a timeline of ok this is what is going to happen etc. Or like I said before do I go hunting and do not call or text for the entire week- maybe that works?? any advice is appreciated...
PegNosePete Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 Dude. Open your eyes. I would bet my bottom dollar there is 3rd party involvement here. She is showing all the classic signs of being involved in an affair. You NEED to get over your ego, get her off that pedestal, and find out 100% for sure if she is having an affair. Put a voice-activated recorder and a GPS tracker in her car. Check her phone messages, phone bills and emails. It's snooping time dude. Tell her you are going hunting but stake out your house instead, follow where she goes or who comes to visit. You need to do whatever it takes to find the truth because she sure as hell is not going to tell it to you. If you find nothing suspicious then you have at least eliminated the possibility (and I'll eat my hat).
cavedweller Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 Sorry to have to tell you this, but, I think she is having an affair. my 2 cents
Author wnt2saveit Posted October 25, 2011 Author Posted October 25, 2011 I have checked cell phone, text msgs etc nothing. there is no time really for this to happen- she works comes home and gets kids off school bus- if goes shopping takes one if not bioth kids- constantly running around with kids to this or that. I just have no idea what to do- do I sit idelly by and see that we are happy but not close or do I give a time frame to either recommit to the marriage or we need to move towards divorce. I would really do anything to save us but I just don't know- she emails me all day about the kids schedules etc and we do talk etc but she just won't get close again to me. Do I just back off and not pressure her to make a decision or do I start agin saying love you etc and keep kissing her on the head-
Author wnt2saveit Posted October 27, 2011 Author Posted October 27, 2011 Any advice on if I should back off and not say I love you or if I should still try to do things just with her and still tell and show her that I love her. Is it possible the kids with all of their stuff going on, her full time work, the money issues etc are contributing to this? she still does a ton for me and is always thanking me for doing this or that but still no kiss- should I keep trying for a kiss or not. I just don't know if I am trying to hard or pressuring her and this is driving her further away or if I should just stop it and then I think she will think that I don't love her. I get to do alot of things in the evening from watching football with the guys after kids go to bed, to going to games on sunday to playing volleyball another night with the guys. Or am I just blowing this all out of proprtion. I always say I'll stay and she says go ahead you have fun with them, so I do I am never gone for more then 3 hours.
PegNosePete Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 You should tell her that you are not happy with the current situation and that if it does not improve you will be making some radical changes.
reboot Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 Appealing to a woman's heart when she has one foot out the door does nothing more than make her think you're a weakling. Many women respect strength a lot more than poetry. Some of us found this out the hard way.
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