Any multi-national couples out there? I think he's going to propose but...

[NervousNelly]

...but I don't think I'm ready. He is American and I am Australian and we have been living in the States together for 4 years. We've had the talk about getting married and he's already said that he wants to be with me "very long-term" but my fear is that we have only lived together in his country and not mine. I always had the thought in the back of my mind that I wouldn't marry him until we had spent time time also living in Australia to make sure that we could make the duel-citizenship relationship work but I never factored in that he would propose before we moved there. The other couples that I've met that are a combination of American-Australian or Canadian-Australian all don't have great things to say about it and have repeatedly warned me that it's not like a normal marriage and it's very difficult because inevitably you always have to choose between two countries.

 

I need some advice ASAP because he's being VERY suspicious (if his actions of late were a Cosmo quiz on "Is he going to propose?" I'd be getting the 100% score...planning a special trip away in November, asking about what style of e-rings I like, ripping out jewelry store ads from the newspaper etc.) and I'm scared that he's going to propose and either I say 'yes' and if living in Australia doesn't work out we'll have to call it off or I just say 'no' straight away and break his heart.

[norajane]

Have you ever discussed living in Australia? Does he want that?

 

Have you discussed even just going for a visit?

 

I would think that would have been something that came up during your 4 years together. If it didn't, yeah, he might be assuming that you want to stay in the US and are not interested in moving back to Australia, ever.

[NervousNelly]

Whoops. Sorry I should have added in there that yes we have talked about moving to Australia a lot and we actually plan on moving there in 2012. We also went for a visit in 2008 and he's met my parents twice etc. so he knows that Australia would be a big part of our lives.

[norajane]

It sounds like he's on board and you really don't have to worry about this too much.

 

Yes, it's possible he won't like living in Australia, but, at this point, that's conjecture. You can't live your life based on "what if". What if you get hit by a car when you cross the street? Does that mean you will never cross a street again?

 

If you two love each other and want to be together, then you will work out your living arrangements. Sure, it may be challenging, but life is challenging. You never know when you will lose a job or a home or a child. The trick is to trust each other and to know that you each have each other's interests at heart.

[taiko]

I don't think he has a problem with it. Perhaps you fear that as an immigrant he won't be able to compete in the Australian job market. That would probably be the biggest stresser, more so then not being able to go to an American football or baseball game.

[january2011]

PM Pyro or Citizen Erased. I think they're an American-Australian pairing and she moved to the US to be with him. They met on this site and got married this year.

[doushenka]

My parents are, actually. They met when he was stationed in her hometown. They've spent a little more of their married life over here than over there, but Mum does go back for visits; it's just how life worked out. And it's worked out well--they were married in 1978.

[Citizen Erased]

First, if you plan on moving back there in 2012 with him, best to say yes to his proposal. Fiance/spouse visas are much easier than work or student visas.

 

Ok...so it's not like a "normal" marriage. What is normal exactly? You both have a great opportunity to see new places, experience new things. You don't have to choose anything permanently. You have options that a lot of people don't! And nothing is ever set in stone, if he hates it there (which seems unlikely unless you plan on moving to Coober Pedy or the like, come on you know the Yanks love all those beaches, kangaroos, koalas and funny slang) there is the option to move back.

 

I moved to the US because it was the best for our relationship in this point in time. This seems to be for yours, moving. After 4 years, so he damn well should want to marry you!

 

And remember, there is always Hawaii. It's close enough to halfway.

[NervousNelly]

I am so relieved that there are actually people out there that are successfully living this type of life. I was so worried when I couldn't find anyone in person to give me any positive reinforcement that I started reaching out into the world wide web and it certainly has helped ease my mind. I'm still a little nervous though because our "special weekend vacation" is this weekend and I just have a gut feeling that he's going to want to do it before Christmas. We're spending Christmas with his family and it would be just like him to show how serious he is about moving to Australia to his family by putting a ring on my finger before we spend some quality time with them. (I heard on the sister-in-law grapevine that my mother-in-law-to-be is freaking out that we would even consider moving overseas without getting married first...as if I need any extra drama to add to the situation )

[Tayla]

I personally am in awe of your relationship...Its lasted this long and knowingly with much love in both your hearts...no matter what soil you travel upon...may it be done holding and supporting one another. Accept his proposal, it sounds like you both have a wonderful foundation. One of my friends from the US..moved to Germany to be with her beloved..and so far its lasted into ten years of marital bliss Bonus is...I get to visit her and bring her treats from the homeland...it tickles her to get some things brought over!!!

Another friend married her beloved and they live now in america. He was from Poland and loves it here. Distance and boarders fade away when love enters the heart..