for girls and guys - giving married people your info.

October 24, 2011

New guy here, and my first post

I've been married to my wife for 4.5 years, together for 6 and have a 4 year old boy. We are both 26.

Over the weekend I found something that has torn me apart. My wife and I have a pretty good relationship. We have the occasional arguement but over all pretty decent.

My wife went with her dad and sister on a camping trip over the summer - April 29th thru May 1st. I work 7 days a week and could not make it. I watched our boy while she was gone. I noticed after only 1 day of being there she added a new friend on facebook. A 26 year old guy who is decently attractive. That night - she called and said he and a few other guys were there camping nieghbors and they grilled out and ate supper and that was it. I believed her because she has never lied to me before.

Fast forward to yesterday - We were driving down the road and she has some books on the floorboard. I was bored and picked one up and was just browsing through. Low and behold a piece of paper fell out between the pages with his Name, Phone # and email. She did not get defensive or angry. she just stayed calm and said " As she was leaving the campground he ran up and handed her the paper and told her to keep in touch. She just through it in the book and was going to throw it away but after the 5 hour drive back she had forgot all about it.

she says I have all the right to be mad but she didnt think nothing of it.

Half my gut says they must have really connected or hung out alone for him to want to stay in contact.

My other half is maybe he was just a super nice guy and just does crap like that.

Women - Do guys persist on giving you there phone #'s even if you hardly know them ?

October 24, 2011

There is no innocent reason for him giving her his number. Does he expect her to call him to go camping again?

However, guys do give out their numbers, so it's not necessarily the case that your wife was planning to do anything with it.

She did, however, add him to her facebook, so why aren't you concerned about that? That seems to be a much bigger deal since she chose to stay in touch with him. I'm not even sure why he gave her his number and email since she had already added him to facebook. Or was that one of the other camping guys?

October 24, 2011

Same guy - Her story is

My wife and her dadand sister arrived friday afternoon and set up tent. The 3 guys, which were there nieghbors arrived friday night - They said Hi, grilled out and drank a few drinks and that was it. My wifes Dad and sister was there also.They just talked about random things etc.- Thats when the guy asked if my wife was on facebook, looked her up on his phone and added her on the spot

The next day and night - saturday they didnt even see each other . My wife, her dad/sister had day plans and that night they went out to eat .

The next day, sunday the same situation - they did not see each other.

Monday morning, they left and she said the guy came over and handed her the paper with his name and # and said lets keep in touch .

Either the guy thought they had some connection on friday night, or he is just a loser and felt like doing it.

My wife said he did not ask if she was married and she did not tell him she was

October 24, 2011

So ask her to un-friend him.

October 24, 2011

My wife said he did not ask if she was married and she did not tell him she was

There you go. Dude assumed she was single since she was there with her dad and sister and NOT with her husband or boyfriend. THAT is why he added her on facebook and gave her his number - he was attracted to her.

This isn't about him. This is between you and your wife. WHY didn't she tell him that she is married? Why accept his friend request?

October 24, 2011

She said he added her on the spot and she felt obligated too. When they all grilled out, he came and sat beside her and asked if she was on facebook.. she said yea so he looked her up and added. She said she was put in the spot to say yea to not hurt his feelings

ALSO : This guy lives 4 hours from us. Im postitive nothing has happend because she is home every night and etc. Its just the fact why would he give her the phone # and add her to facebook. and why would my wife accept these things.

Also, If something did happend, I would trust in her dad or sister to tell me

October 24, 2011

She said he added her on the spot and she felt obligated too. When they all grilled out, he came and sat beside her and asked if she was on facebook.. she said yea so he looked her up and added. She said she was put in the spot to say yea to not hurt his feelings

ALSO : This guy lives 4 hours from us. Im postitive nothing has happend because she is home every night and etc. Its just the fact why would he give her the phone # and add her to facebook. and why would my wife accept these things.
Also, If something did happend, I would trust in her dad or sister to tell me

He gave her his phone # and added her on fb because he thought she was attractive and did not know she was married. That's what guys do when they are attracted to a woman.

Your wife...eh, maybe she was put on the spot and accepted to be polite. There's no reason she can't delete him, though.

And no, I'm sure nothing happened. She would have to be a dumbass to do anything while with her father and sister were with her.

October 25, 2011

This doesn't sound weird to me at all. The guy thought your wife was hot & didn't know she was married, so he tried to facilitate contact with her. Your wife should delete him from facebook, and in the future when stuff like this happens she should tell the guy that she is married.

October 25, 2011

Its just the fact why would he give her the phone # and add her to facebook. and why would my wife accept these things.

Those are two entirely different questions.

Whether or not his motivations were to screw her silly, cannot be held against her.

Furthermore, you have said exactly nothing here to assure that her story, as she described the events, isn't true.

So just drop it, and imagine that he and she won't be doing much interacting on Facebook.

October 25, 2011

I think marriage is a fall into the pit, and under the protection of law marriage certificate is an indenture to sell oneself to marriage.

October 25, 2011

Facebook is the single biggest cause of infidelity ever invented.

October 25, 2011

Update to this story as it happens

I found that guys phone # sunday. I knew his name from her facebook so I messaged him to let him know I found his number and etc. I know it has been 4 months, but I still cant get over finding a guys phone # in my wifes car

He messaged me back this morning - tuesday - to inform me they BOTH exchanged info. and they talked for a few weeks after the camping trip.

That is all the info he told me

I confronted my wife and she admitted to talking to him via facebook message but DID not give him her # and he made the exhange part up.

She told me they just talked about how fun camping was and etc.

She says she hid this from me because she did not want to start an arguement

Im very torn now . ive been lied to

October 25, 2011

Instead of being sincere and saying "sorry I lied to you" she has reversed the cards and turned the situation onto me now saying we shouldnt be together if I dont believe anything she says. thats the last things we have said to each other earlier this morning

October 25, 2011

Instead of being sincere and saying "sorry I lied to you" she has reversed the cards and turned the situation onto me now saying we shouldnt be together if I dont believe anything she says. thats the last things we have said to each other earlier this morning

Houston, we may have a problem. This is typical cheater behavior

October 25, 2011

Facebook is the single biggest cause of infidelity ever invented.

This doesn't make sense, unless "Facebook" is married.

"Facebook" never stalks anybody either.

(although at least an argument can be made against the latter statement)

October 26, 2011

New guy here, and my first post
I've been married to my wife for 4.5 years, together for 6 and have a 4 year old boy. We are both 26.
Over the weekend I found something that has torn me apart. My wife and I have a pretty good relationship. We have the occasional arguement but over all pretty decent.
My wife went with her dad and sister on a camping trip over the summer - April 29th thru May 1st. I work 7 days a week and could not make it. I watched our boy while she was gone. I noticed after only 1 day of being there she added a new friend on facebook. A 26 year old guy who is decently attractive. That night - she called and said he and a few other guys were there camping nieghbors and they grilled out and ate supper and that was it. I believed her because she has never lied to me before.
Fast forward to yesterday - We were driving down the road and she has some books on the floorboard. I was bored and picked one up and was just browsing through. Low and behold a piece of paper fell out between the pages with his Name, Phone # and email. She did not get defensive or angry. she just stayed calm and said " As she was leaving the campground he ran up and handed her the paper and told her to keep in touch. She just through it in the book and was going to throw it away but after the 5 hour drive back she had forgot all about it.
she says I have all the right to be mad but she didnt think nothing of it.
Half my gut says they must have really connected or hung out alone for him to want to stay in contact.
My other half is maybe he was just a super nice guy and just does crap like that.
Women - Do guys persist on giving you there phone #'s even if you hardly know them ?

To the bolded: yes.

Men do this all the time...even when i say I have a boyfriend, some men insist we "be friends". I do not have to come on to them or encourage them for this to happen. For me, I find that some men are so persistent that I'd rather pretend to take their info and then throw it away than argue with them about having a boyfriend or not.

Her story is not far-fetched and things like this happen often and I don't think she is lying. Some people do not respect other's relationships and if they like you, they will reach out and hope that you have a weak moment and get involved with them. I probably have taken a man's card that I did not intend to call, because it was easier at the time, for whatever reason (like in her example, him running up to me and giving me, and I have little time to say or do anything but accept it and then later dispose of it).

I don't get the impression she is cheating but trust your gut though and see if she continues to be forthright with you and observe if anything changes in your relationship.

October 26, 2011

Facebook is the single biggest cause of infidelity ever invented.

If you're not trying to cheat then Facebook won't make you cheat. Only those who'd have probably done it anyway, IMO, got a better platform for it. The problem isn't Facebook, but that person. I would not feel better knowing I have a potential cheater, and the only reason he isn't cheating is because he has no internet....I'd prefer a man whom regardless of Facebook, is not cheating.

I've never cheated and Facebook or not, I think I can say I never will. "Facebook made me do it" is not a valid excuse.

October 26, 2011

Instead of being sincere and saying "sorry I lied to you" she has reversed the cards and turned the situation onto me now saying we shouldnt be together if I dont believe anything she says. thats the last things we have said to each other earlier this morning

Then tell her to pack a bag and get out. She can go drive four hours and be with this OM, but she ain't taking your kid. * watch her reaction carefully and see if she freaks out, gets mad or if she goes into desparation mode, with crocodile tears and begging.

Let me ask, this guy is STILL a fb friend, right? This guy is no friend and he IS a cancer to your marriage. She's being totally selfish and making a real stupid choice by keeping this guy in her life, albeit, online.

Listen to your gut.

I doubt very much it's a physical thing since of the distance but definately they are having inappropriate talks and chats, and phone calls. An EA (emotional affair).

October 26, 2011

she deleted him off facebook the same day I found his number

she said she is sorry for lieing, she just knew If she was honest about a guy hitting on her I would have an argument so thats why she hid it.

she said he messaged her on facebook a few times and she didnt even talk to him - she kept her answers YES and NO and didnt didnt instigate the convo. . I'm not even sure at this point. I stayed with my parents last night to try and think. I'm already a negative person, and with her lieing and holding this from me has really made me think negative. I started thinking what if she has or would cheat on me. What if this guy lived closer to us ? Would have she left me for him or had an affair ?

Then I think about our sexual life. We have sex maybe twice a month. Ive never thought about it but thats pretty low. Id like ATLEAST once a week if not twice a week. We do have a 4 year old boy who sleeps in our bed 3 or 4 nights out of the week but still. The past 2 days I have forgot the good and I can only see the bad

October 26, 2011

It seems you have a serious communication problem in your marriage.

Now that your wife has explained everything that happened on FB, you are suddenly finding other problems with her and your marriage.

What is really going on here?

I agree that she handled the contact from the other guy via FB and his note with his contact information in a poor manner.

However, the fact that she felt uneasy about talking about it with you is just as much of a problem.

So you have conflict avoidance on both sides...she doesn't talk to you about this guy and you don't talk to her about your sex life.

There are some serious problems in your relationship.

I recommend marriage counseling for the two of you to learn how to communicate, discuss difficult subjects, get individual needs met, etc. Please do this now rather than waiting to see if the issues will resolve themselves on their own. I assure you they will not go away on their own and will just fester into a bigger problem.

Take it from someone who has been where you are now (me).

October 26, 2011

We have sex maybe twice a month. Ive never thought about it but thats pretty low. Id like ATLEAST once a week if not twice a week.

I have to agree with you. Both of you being only 26 years old you should be going at it like rabbits!

October 26, 2011

we have communicated about our sex life. we use to be a 3-4 times a week... After we had our kid 4 years ago it died slowly since then...once a week... to once every 2 weeks...the longest we have EVER been in 1 month. For the past year it has been once a month. we both get off when we do have sex. When I tell her I'd like to have sex once a week , she gets angry and says she does not like sex and our kid takes away our freedom. She once again will turn the cards around and say "If all you want is sex than you need to find a new wife, marriage isnt only about sex" then she will say "your going to leave me just because we dont have sex every week, thats stupid".

and i shut my mouth because she has that type of attitude to make ME feel like the bad person....

I have tried to tell her when we have sex it makes me feel as if we bond better. and I cant help I'm attracted to my wife and want to make love but she always insist marriage is more than sex

October 26, 2011

It seems you have a serious communication problem in your marriage.

Now that your wife has explained everything that happened on FB, you are suddenly finding other problems with her and your marriage.

What is really going on here?

I agree that she handled the contact from the other guy via FB and his note with his contact information in a poor manner.

However, the fact that she felt uneasy about talking about it with you is just as much of a problem.

So you have conflict avoidance on both sides...she doesn't talk to you about this guy and you don't talk to her about your sex life.

There are some serious problems in your relationship.

I recommend marriage counseling for the two of you to learn how to communicate, discuss difficult subjects, get individual needs met, etc. Please do this now rather than waiting to see if the issues will resolve themselves on their own. I assure you they will not go away on their own and will just fester into a bigger problem.

Take it from someone who has been where you are now (me).

I agree. You have both shown that you are not capable of communicating about issues in a productive way, and are not resolving anything but just talking in circles. Communication is about trying to understand each other, and neither of you are getting through.

It's time to seek marriage counseling before this whole thing blows up beyond repair. Unresolved issues just get worse, not better.

October 27, 2011

so tonight we chose to try and talk...it blew up in my face and im at my parents.....she tells me i need to drop the subject of her lieing to me..she said it was a one time thing and she talked to him to be nice and felt obligated to because she didnt want to seem bitchy. she said since i cant get over it we need to stay apart....

to make things worse i brought up the fact that since she lied to me, has she lied to me before in the past and i just didnt know ? she said this situation is getting out of control and shes over talking about it.....now. i am drunk, at my parents sleeping on the damn couch....

also . about 3 years ago i lied to her about using drugs. I tried cocaine 3 years ago and lied to her for a few days until i felt guiulty and told her.....

she keeps bringing that up...she says I've lied so bla bla..

but lieing about drugs and lieing about infidelity is very different

October 27, 2011

You two are talking AT each other, not WITH each other.

she said it was a one time thing and she talked to him to be nice and felt obligated to because she didnt want to seem bitchy.

Have you considered that this might be true? It could be, you know. But you can't simply accept that because this is bringing up other questions of trust. If you trusted her, you would not have all these questions and anxieties. You would "know" this was an innocent situation that means nothing; you would believe your wife.

she said this situation is getting out of control and shes over talking about it

Your wife does not want to discuss the larger trust issue between you right now, because you are highly emotional about what you just learned.

But you two do need to talk about it. This event - the facebook/phone thing - could have been a non-event if you trusted her. So you two need to talk about the trust level between you, and what you can do to improve it.

Again, marriage counseling might help you learn to talk with each other and sort through your issues. That's what it's for.

Sign In

for girls and guys - giving married people your info.

Recommended Posts

justchecking

norajane

justchecking

reboot

norajane

justchecking

norajane

make me believe

SincereOnlineGuy

lifechanyuan

reboot

justchecking

justchecking

reboot

SincereOnlineGuy

MissBee

MissBee

whichwayisup

justchecking

Snowflower

stillafool

justchecking

norajane

justchecking

norajane

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...