brokendreamz Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 Would you? Have you? Why? Why not? I don't think it will be a problem for me, but LOTS of people have said it's a NO GO!!! Baby daddy not on the scene but likes to pop up every other year...
InJest Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 I've dated single moms before and I actually like it, and might even say I'd prefer it in the right situation. Single moms usually put out very quickly and are less apt to try and lock you down once you sleep with them. They are generally much more occupied with their child, which means they're way less occupied with me and what I'm doing. I have to point out that I haven't really been interested in a relationship with any of them, and I think a serious relationship would be very difficult with them, for all of the reasons that I mentioned that a not-serious relationship is great with them.
oaks Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 Would you? Have you? Why? Why not? I've tried but haven't got past a second date with single mums, but it hasn't been their motherhood that caused things to fail to progress. I do have a concern that a parent would have less time to date and that there would be occasions where there are last minute cancellations due to having to deal with whatever child-emergency happens (and I've had dates cancelled/rescheduled due to this, even though not getting beyond a second date with any mother, so it's not entirely an imaginary concern). Having said that, people with no children can still have social calendars that are so full (and/or unpredictable) that it's hard to schedule dates - so it isn't an issue solely related to parents.
Lucky_One Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 Hmm. I was a single mom. (I dated a single dad, too, btw.) I went on dates with probably 7 different guys, and had 1 LTR that led to marriage and 1 semi-LTR that didn't lead to marriage. I slept with only 1 of them (the one I married). Yes, I was focused on my son and his life far more than I would be focused on a man that I dated; that seems a no-brainer. Even if I WASN'T a mother, I wouldn't be focused on a man's life; I would be focused on my own. If either person is that clingy, I would think that a R was going to fail. Yes, sometimes juggling my schedule was tricky, but it never was a big issue. In the 2 R's I had, the guys would come to the house if I couldn't go out, or we would all go out for pizza or something, or we'd go to the beach for the day. I had plenty of weekends where I was childless, and so I had lots of nights for weekends away, or sleep-overs at his place, or late nights dancing, or snuggling by the fire on the living room floor. None of them every complained. Yes, there was a "baby daddy" around. He was a stable man, in a stable relationship of his own, who didn't screw around with visitation schedules or stuff like that. There was very little drama with him. Yes, I sometimes struggled financially. Struggling meaning that it was sometimes hard for me to pay for extras in the same month (like buying tires in December was a PITA, or paying for braces in June when we wanted to take a vacation). But I paid for my own house, my own bills, and sometimes paid for dates. I know some women who have had tight enough budgets that they asked a date to help chip in for a babysitter, but I never had to do that, and I don't think I would have. I would have suggested cooking in (if he had met my son already), or simply another night when son was at his father's. Honestly, I don't think that single mothers are any different than childless mothers in most aspects. It's the WOMAN who carries the drama or the baggage - not the motherhood. If she is a smart, self-sufficient, grounded woman, then her having children shouldn't be an impediment to dating. JMHO - but maybe I am biased!
Feelin Frisky Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 I'm more than fine with it. My first LTR was with one (although she hid it from me until after we were hot and heavy, but I didn't want to dump her over it). Now I'm much older and resigned to it that the women available to me are going to be moms often. I'm kid friendly.
FrustratedStandards Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 Are you ready to take full responsibility of her kids and become the stable father figure in their lives? Are you able to support her and her children financially? Are you okay with the fact that you will never, ever come first? Are you ready to dedicate half of your time to the children? But most importantly, are you capable of loving them like a father, even though they are not yours? When you have the answer to all of these questions, then you will know. Unless of course this is a very casual thing, in which case you can't be in the children's lives and have very limited time with the mother.
grkBoy Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 I never dated one. Used to hold to the idea that it's more trouble than it's worth, but now I am more open (if I were single). IMHO, you have to judge each one independently of one another. Some are the career-minded organized stable life good mom has time to date kind of women. Some are the messed up life drama queen can't hold a job has a douchebag baby daddy psycho causing her endless trouble kind of women. Take each specific case on their own. I've met the "messed up girls" who got knocked up, but also met many beautiful single moms who simply married, had a family, then hubby decided to cheat. Their lives aren't messed up and they're simply looking for love, not a meal ticket.
Woggle Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 It would have to depend on the circumstances. There are many different kind of single moms. Some are great dating material and others should be avoided at all costs.
cutecatch Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 Would you? Have you? Why? Why not? I don't think it will be a problem for me, but LOTS of people have said it's a NO GO!!! Baby daddy not on the scene but likes to pop up every other year... No bro dont. Please man up and don't settle for damaged goods
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 Would you? Have you? Why? Why not? I don't think it will be a problem for me, but LOTS of people have said it's a NO GO!!! Baby daddy not on the scene but likes to pop up every other year... Like everything else in life, it's a judgement call. Some are quality women, some are not. I dated a woman whose baby daddy simply didn't care about the kid. I felt that I had no issue stepping up and filling that father type role emotionally or financially. However, when I dated a woman whose children had a very involved father... I didn't feel comfortable taking on that fatherly role. She talked about paying for their college one time and because of the emotional disconnect I had with those kids it made me recoil. How would money for their college be divided? Would I be asked to shoulder most of that burden? Is it fair to ask a man to pay for someone else's kids, when they already have an involved father?
Lucky_One Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 Are you ready to take full responsibility of her kids and become the stable father figure in their lives? That is a big responsibility for a dating relationship. Dating is meant to see if you want to forge a deeper commitment. Many children have a stable father figure in their lives. I certainly wouldn't have wanted a BF to try to take over that role, nor would my son. Are you able to support her and her children financially? Why in the world would a BF support me and my child? Why would a BF support a childless GF? Why are you assuming that a man must support a family if they were to marry? Are you okay with the fact that you will never, ever come first? My H comes first if he is first on the priority ladder. My son comes first if he is first on the priority ladder. My parents come first if they are first on the priority ladder. My job comes first if they are first on the priority ladder. Priorities shift on a day to day basis - sometimes an hour to hour basis - and it would be a lie to say that a SO would never, ever come first. Any parent of any child in any relationship will tell you that children usually take precedence in a family. If the OP were to have a child of his own, then this same thing that you describe would happen to him. Are you ready to dedicate half of your time to the children? Are you assuming that dating means that he will immediately move in and quit his job to become this "stable father figure" that you believe a BF should be? But most importantly, are you capable of loving them like a father, even though they are not yours? I can't speak for all step-parents, but I know that my husband loves my son as though he were of his own DNA. When you have the answer to all of these questions, then you will know. Unless of course this is a very casual thing, in which case you can't be in the children's lives and have very limited time with the mother. FS, it is pretty obvious you have never been married and you have no children. Do you really expect that dating someone requires financial responsibility, a man to be a father figure and to assume responsibility, to live half of his life as a caretaker to someone's children? Do you expect those things from a BF? Do you expect a man that you date to immediately start paying your bills, change the oil in your car, get legal power of attorney for you so that he can take responsibility for you, and that if the R were to progress to marriage and children, that you will neglect your children in favor of your H's needs regardless of how small or petty that need is?
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