macarena Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 well this doesnt classify as such with 'heartbreak'..but it is related. Need mature, straightforward opinion. Voila ! ------------------------- I am lost. Compleltely lost. I am very much aware of what is making me feel sad, but I seriousl;y cannot take all this 'static feeling' To give you a clear picture. This March I have broke up with my bf, after a 4 year relationship and a 9-months living together. It broke me to pieces, for he was not any boyfriend. We were passionate lovers (sex life was very good) but we were also like family to each other. He was like my father due to complex history we had together..anyway..the thing was quite unbearable. but I never liked self-pity and giving up and so I pulled up my sleeves and started to force myself to re-learn habving fun without him (even though we did remain very much present in each other's lives) Since it was March, it was the beginning of spring and sun. The weather made it much easier and I strolled around with friends to practically anywhere and little by little I genuinely started regaining my posture and actually enjoying my freedom. I even took the habit of having safe sex with some random guys (I think its important because it makes you feel sexually independent) It was absolutely fabolous until September To be precise, in August my ex wanted us to be together again. I said no for it was futile but we still loved and cared for each other very much and so making love with each other and him spending the night and (and going out together) became inevitable. However I always pushed off his idea of getting back together. Anyway , in Sept. I went abroad for five days and when I came back he told me he was dating a girl. I became outrageous and hysterical. Suddenly all the March's feelings of heart-break and life-collapse came back. I never quite fully recovered. Hes still with her (and in the mean time he asks me to make love....which I dont accept...and then says he loves her and that he really likes her..I a m seeing the LOSER part of him ..but not to the point of stop loving him) Apart from that, Winter doesnt help. It reduces activity and chances (as a consequence, sex life has gone to zero again..that's quite a blow for me) In parenthesis I have also worked in a very unsatisfying job for this last year anbd a half (I am a graduate who is working as a simple clerk, earning almost minimum wage) Have tried advancing in my life, I went to more than 10 interviews during this year and practically no one gave me a call back. I am also a person whose fond of her academic achievemnts but due to present circumstances , cannot afford to do masters (no time for it, work full time plus part time and I am active in several NGO's). I live alone because I am used to it and going back home with my parents makes me feel I went a step back, not forward (also living with very close minded parents, in a very small house is suffocating) Right now it feels like I am in a messy standpoint, and weather and all the parenthasis arent making me feel much better either I also suffer from a facial condition, (which is not messy btw hehe) and has not prevented me in any of my social agendas. For me, it practically doeswnt exist and have learnt to dont even bother about it. Why should I? But I cant reject the fact that pre-judgemnts can make the scenario a more struggling one..its like I have to fight my way through and prove them wrong. Actually I dont mind, sometimes its fun, but in time s,like these its just something that pushes things back for you when all you want to do is move on Besides, I have also been considering in subtle prostitution for some extra cash. But I dont know if its convenient. The village I live in is small and rumours can get tough on you Anyway, please help. I just need to hear it from someone that life isnt going to get even further depressive and boring. (and believe me, I am the least bopring person I can ever think of ) Are things going to get better? Please pretend you're some kind of god for a minute and give me some good news
joseph17 Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 You are on the right steps to moving on I don't know why him dating someone else affected you so bad. You apparently were not over him and still loved him. You 2 still sleeping together and seeing each other creates kinda a fake relationship when together it is like nothing happened. You said you didn't want him back so why be so distraught? As far as everything getting better it will. You are moving on in your career and know what you want out of life. Now you just have to go out there an grab what's yours for the taking. You said you slept with other guys so go out there and do it again. Be you and be happy so the next relationship you get into you are happy with who you are and what you have accomplished
Author macarena Posted October 26, 2011 Author Posted October 26, 2011 I still love him a lot. But I dont want him back as my fiancee because I am concious enoguh that it will never worki out for both of us. So that is why it hurts..I still care for him a lot. And the worst thing is that we are active within the same NGO's and I see him oftenly/ And next friday we have a social event and have to see his gf as well. I guess I hav to face it. Maybe its also effecting me cause presently I am in a standstill and nothing good and new is coming up. I just hope its get better. I am optimistic throughout and I take life as a joke really. But there's a limit and if life had a character, I might say she s a ****in bastard and playing with my patience all throughout. oh. and I miss sex.
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