Jynxx Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 Assume for a minute uncoditional love in a non parent-child relationship exists. Assume person A feels it for person B. Assume person A is an average human being, not holier than the pope, not rich, not a model etc. I define uncoditional love as wanting the best for the other person without expecting anything in return. Feel free to correct me on this. If person A wants the best for person B, then why would person A want person B to spend time with him/her rather than look for someone who's better? If I have a mediocre restaurant and I really wanted a client to get the best food he could get, I would give him the address of a better restaurant. Of course in reality I wouldn't because I'm selfish and want to make money, preferably with the client enjoying his food but that really is secondary. Does the fact that person A desires the time of person B knowing person B could spend his/her time more usefull or enjoyable or in better company mean person A is to some degree selfish and thus love isn't and can never be unconditional?
Emilia Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 I truly believe that I feel unconditional love for two of my exes and I think they feel the same towards me. One I have known for almost 20 years, the other for only 3 but I know my love for him will always exist. There is no hope that we will get back together and I accept this. I want them both to be very happy and find amazing relationships with amazing women. If I was in a relationship with either of them, I would not wish them to be dating someone else because I would still feel we were well suited. After you break up however, you don't always stop loving the other person and I have come to terms with this.
thatone Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 there is no such thing as your definition of unconditional love, at least i don't subscribe to it. it is not my goal in life to make anyone happy without any expectations in return. even my family, who i can't just be rid of like i can with anyone i'm dating. even the notion that you want someone else to be happy is selfish, you're getting some feeling of nobility and/or self defense from thinking it. my range of feelings for exes goes from indifferent to "i hope you fail miserably" depending on how we treated each other toward the end. and i see nothing wrong with that. indifferent is a compliment.
Emilia Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 even the notion that you want someone else to be happy is selfish, you're getting some feeling of nobility and/or self defense from thinking it. my range of feelings for exes goes from indifferent to "i hope you fail miserably" depending on how we treated each other toward the end. and i see nothing wrong with that. indifferent is a compliment. That's a real shame. It's impossible to have control over your feelings and might as well acknowledge that they exist. If it's really true that you are able to switch to indifference in every case, you have never truly loved.
Eeyore79 Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 If person A wants the best for person B, then why would person A want person B to spend time with him/her rather than look for someone who's better? You're assuming that Person A has low self esteem and isn't good enough for Person B. The idea that "I love my partner therefore I want him to be with someone better than me" implies the idea that "I'm not good enough for my partner and he could do better". If Person A is already the best then Person B couldn't do better! So the question becomes: "Why does Person A have such low self esteem that they think Person B deserves better than them?"
Author Jynxx Posted October 24, 2011 Author Posted October 24, 2011 You're assuming that Person A has low self esteem and isn't good enough for Person B. The idea that "I love my partner therefore I want him to be with someone better than me" implies the idea that "I'm not good enough for my partner and he could do better". If Person A is already the best then Person B couldn't do better! There are 7 billion people on this planet. Take out everyone outside of the somewhat appropriate age range, everyone of the same sex, everyone more than a couple hundred miles away and you still have millions of possible partners. Obviously only 1 of those would be the best. There's a difference between having low self esteem and assuming you're not the best in a group containing millions of people. But the idea is kind of true, there's millions of people, some number of those are better than person A, person A is aware of that, and if person B could get one of those better than person A then person A is wasting person Bs time.
Kaplan Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 It is possible to want someone to be with you without being selfish or believing yourself to be the best person in the world or even the best person they could find. All you have to do is believe that nobody else will love them more or take better care of them.
rightfield Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 Hi there. I'm person C. Person B, I want you. Person A knows I'm a better deal, so let's get out of here. Person A, if you really care about her, you'll give me $50 right now to take her on this date. Got any condoms?
Author Jynxx Posted October 25, 2011 Author Posted October 25, 2011 All you have to do is believe that nobody else will love them more or take better care of them. Even that would be delusional. Assuming she's reasonably attractive, from the millions of possibilities calculated above there would be at the very least thousands of guys interested in her. Some of them would be able to take better care of her or be more skilled in giving her that warm fuzzy feeling she likes etc. As for love, that in itself doesn't matter, it's the guy that is able to communicate it better or is able to get her the best deal of protection, companionship etc that would be her best choice. If I'm missing something please point it out, as it seems like every poster in this thread sees something I don't.
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