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my ex says he has feelings for me but does not want to sleep with me


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Posted

my ex changes in mind daily of what he wants from me.

 

one day its just friends but only wants to contact through text, the next day he misses me and wants to hang out but says it would be hard because he still has strong feelings for me and is attracted to me. now it is gone to just friends. i confronted him telling him that he is confusing me, he said that i need to get over it, move on and accept that we are over.

i said fine, i accept it and that if friends is really what he wants then we won't spend a night together, hanging out. lunch is it. he then rang and asked if we could go for lunch and see how it goes before we spend a night together, just catching up.

FYI - i have not seen him in 3 months, been broken up for almost 2. i am in my home town for weekend.

i need advice. is it truly friendship that he is only after?

Posted

He doesn't seem to know what he wants. I think you should leave him alone until he sure what he wants from you. If it is friendship he wants then let him go for good because it is impossible to be friends with someone you love and want. Don't let him jerk you around like a rag doll, be stronger than that.

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Posted

i want to move on, a part of me just wanted to be with him for comfort and familitary. im going out on a date , i told him and he asked questions at first but then just said plz dnt turn into a slut. it was quite funny considering he knows i have only been with him.

 

i think he is talking to me out of habit also. i think he doesn't want to look the bad guy or for me to hate him.

Posted

I agree, at the minute it sounds like you both still have feelings. the best thing is not to try and be friends until you can both view each other platonically. I tried this with my ex, being friends straight away and even now over 2 months on it isnt really working as friends. we were close friends before and when i saw her after it was like i missed her but it wasnt the same person. I wanted something i couldnt have and that was us back to how we were when we both had really strong feelings but once that changes it cant be that way again. Me and my ex are on good terms but i wouldnt consider us friends but im sure we will be down the line. I still would feel strange seeing her with someone else ect, even though i know our relationship wasnt the best and probably didnt have a long term future.

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Posted

i want to move on, a part of me just wants to be with him for comfort and familitary and to just catch a glipse of the girl i was when i was with him. im going out on a date , i told him and he asked questions at first but then just said plz dnt turn into a slut. it was quite funny considering he knows i have only been with him.

 

i think he is talking to me out of habit also. i think he doesn't want to look the bad guy or for me to hate him.

you want someone, you fight for them every chance you get. i did that and now im over fighting, i want someone to fight for me. ;)

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Posted

i told him that maybe we need time with no contact just to get over eachother and to move on but he said that if we did that then it would not be for a short time, that it would be permanent.

i know we are over, we are not the same people anymore. too many lies, too many secrets and way too much drama.

since we have broken we had a month of silence but then he walked back into my life, telling me that he missed me and wanted to see if we could work things out , only for him to change his mind a week later. since then it has been talking daily, but each time its different. one day he tells me that he misses me and wants to have one more last night together, to say goodbye properly then the next he says that he just wants to be friends with no goodbye sex.

Posted

I agree he may be trying to keep in contact to ease his guilt. I thought this way at first about my ex, i told her not to feel guilty and if that was the reason she wanted to have a friendship in the future i wanted nothing to do with it. I dont want pity ect. We argued all the time and looking back it wasnt the best relationship but i did fall for her and her for me but she was the stronger one in seeing that it probably couldnt work between us as i would have hung on and it wouldnt have been the best thing for me in the long run. we talked out of familiarity for a while but then she said she couldnt do it because she realised she was checking her phone ect to see if i had messaged her and it felt like we were a couple again and she just knew it couldnt work.

 

If you really are trying to move on then keeping contact will not help you at all. if you do really care about each other and think you will be friends then that friendship can be established again in the future when it is healthy for you both.

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Posted

okay so basically your saying that he doesn't actually want the friendship or to hang out. that he is only saying it out of guilt? why say oneday that he wants to sleep with me one last time then the next day change his mind is it all a chase thing, just to see if he still has me?

i just want a male perspective.

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