MrSimple Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 Hey guys, my ex recently broke NC with me and started asking me for help in finding things because she knows I have more expertise in the area. I'm feeling really pissed because it's like, she's treating me like a cushion that is there to support her everytime she falls. I don't want to be a cushion goddammit. It's either I'm there, or I'm not there. I'm super tempted to just disappear totally, but I know she's properly not aware of it herself as well. What should I do? Please advise!
kimmi Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 It's up to you to respond or not. Your mad that she is contacting you ? Then ignore her and let her find the info out, It is never just one person that we have to go to I'm sure she can find the info from someone else .
Author MrSimple Posted October 24, 2011 Author Posted October 24, 2011 And she's in a rebound relationship, so there's the issue of that extra guy who will do anything to drive me out.. I've read rebound relationships do not work most of the time, but if I really just don't do anything apart from improving myself, how will it help me? I mean, there's that "extra guy" problem, and here I am getting super annoyed at the thought of becoming a "cushion" It's just... urgh. I feel like I'm going back to the post-breakup days, where everything was just so depressing, but I keep telling myself, it's alright, it's alright. Just be strong, be focused on yourself.
kimmi Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 Just because she is contacting you does not mean that you have to respond. I know it is annoying , I know t hat it might even hurt. The end of everything is always our own choice, If you allow it she will do it. Tell her not to contact you ? Is that a option that you are willing to do ? Or do not respond to her, If the other guy is the problem then wait until he is gone. It is going to be okay, you will be fine. Don't allow it .
Author MrSimple Posted October 24, 2011 Author Posted October 24, 2011 I'm glad she contacted me, and she was the one who broke NC. But I really wonder what i should do to make her slowly lose the thought of "he is always there" I don't want to be there, just because she needs me. I want to be there because she really, really needs me.
Author MrSimple Posted October 24, 2011 Author Posted October 24, 2011 Kimmi: Thanks for the advice. So you suggest that i should just go into full blown NC mode? Make her think I'm no longer there, then she will appreciate me more? I'm willing to wait for that extra guy to disappear, it's going to take awhile, I know, but it's going to work. Because after all, he can NEVER become me, neither will he ever acquire what i had that made her fall for me first.
Chi townD Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 I'm willing to wait for that extra guy to disappear, it's going to take awhile, I know, but it's going to work. Because after all, he can NEVER become me, neither will he ever acquire what i had that made her fall for me first. .....and in the meantime, you get put into the "friend zone"! YAY!!!! You get to be her friend and she gets to have that physical intimacy with the other guy. You get to wait on the sidelines while she's out dating and having fun with this OM and she may throw you a bone every once in a while with a phone call to see how you're doing. AND you'll give her the justification in her mind that breaking up with you was the smartest thing she could have done, because even though you two didn't work out; LOOK! We're still really good friends!!!... I think you deserve more than that... Go NC heal and move on.
geegirl Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 Hey guys, my ex recently broke NC with me and started asking me for help in finding things because she knows I have more expertise in the area. I'm feeling really pissed because it's like, she's treating me like a cushion that is there to support her everytime she falls. I don't want to be a cushion goddammit. It's either I'm there, or I'm not there. I'm super tempted to just disappear totally, but I know she's properly not aware of it herself as well. What should I do? Please advise! Well, don't be a cushion then. If you know her intent, then don't give her what she wants.
Author MrSimple Posted October 24, 2011 Author Posted October 24, 2011 Thanks guys. I think I know what I should do now. NC mode till she finally gets the point.
kimmi Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 Don't let her have the best of both worlds. It is clear that you want more and it is clear that she is with someone else. Yes go NC mode and start to heal yourself. It is amazing when we do this we can look back and say wow really I felt that way ? and laugh at ourselves but this will never happen until you move on heal and NC . I have tried everything in the past. The one that I thought I would love forever and never let go of .. now I look at him and wonder what it really was that made me feel so stuck to him, Why did I feel that way ? Because I would not let it go and tried everything to stay with him. Let go move on and see what happens ..
Author MrSimple Posted October 24, 2011 Author Posted October 24, 2011 We'll see what the future has in store for us. After all, who knows what the future holds~ There's just this one problem. There will be an event in Nov that will definitely make us run into each other for sure. Assuming she hasn't woken up then, how will you advise me to react when the time comes?
Chi townD Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 Well, what would REALLY suck is if she shows up to this event with her new man. However, if you keep playing like one of her girlfriends; she won't think twice about it. If you HAVE to go to this event, be nice and cordial; however, keep all of your responses short and to the point. Then, act like your having a blast! Let her SEE that your life without her DOES go on! ....then post here and vent afterwards....
EgoJoe Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 I didn't read anything but the title and part of the first post. I have one thing to say: You are letting her string you along. You can cut the cord at anytime. You can do whatever you want. You are the master of your own destiny.
Author MrSimple Posted October 26, 2011 Author Posted October 26, 2011 The usual calls, probably desparate to ask me for help on where to find the items. Resist, resist. For now. I'm wondering though, will it help me get her back? I mean, I've sent the "peace" letter, entered NC(I had the wrong concept the other time, now I know what it is) and now I just have to wait till abt 3 wks later or after the Nov event then I can break it(or she breaks it first). I really love her, never been so serious in my life. All these methods I've research are pointing that it is possible to get her back. Do you guys have anything to comment on this? Thanks!
Chi townD Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 NC is a tool to help you heal and move on from the relationship. It should never be used as a way to try and get someone back. Does it happen sometimes? Sure. NC may or MAY NOT make your Ex miss you. There have been many examples of Ex's trying to come back after extended peroids of NC. But, the funny thing is, most people actually USED the time to get over the Ex. So, when they came back, the person wasn't interested in getting back together with the Ex.
69ways Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 My ex does that, calls me every now and then and asks if I am single or say I am the man of her life but does not love me anymore. I go NC and try to avoid her but I always break down and answer, I just noticed that NC made her really wonder about my personal life. I dont know if that is an indication as it has been 9 months since the break up. NC is good and it helps you, now if it will get her back, I just dont know....
Author MrSimple Posted October 28, 2011 Author Posted October 28, 2011 I was wondering, is it okay during this NC period to send a msg like: "Hey, how is it going? I'll get back to you when I'm free" or "thought I'll say hi and I'll get back to you when I have the time." Coz she is constantly contacting at least once everyday since the start of NC. Is it helpful in getting her to be more curious and wondering what I'm doing? Do advise me, thank you!
Space Ritual Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Stop with the caveats!! No Contact means just that...NO CONTACT AT ALL. every time NC is broken you are at square one. and she is not stringing you along...you are stringing yourself along by allowing her to stay in contact with you, especially if she is in a rebound relationship of any type....Can't you see you are allowing her to make you a backup plan? She is eating cake. Close the bakery and delete her from your life...FB, email address, phone number...block em all. any other interpretation of No Contact is not No Contact... about your November event. Unless it is your own funeral or a court date, you are under no obligation to attend. and at this stage where you are having doubts about the contact, the event will be sure to bring you right back to where you started....Can you hear the cheesy Lifetime Movie of the Week Theme Music in the background. Unless of course(by the looks of your last post) you want her to initiate contact with you daily...in which case there si absolutely no advice anyone on any site can give you other than what will result is a pain that you will have to experience yourself...
Author MrSimple Posted October 28, 2011 Author Posted October 28, 2011 Space: Yes, you have a great point here. Turns out she's still hounding on that same item from days ago. Sign... Why do i even bother.. Looks like I have to find something to steer me away everytime she contacts me now.
Space Ritual Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 You don't need anything to steer you away from her but your finger that presses the DELETE button...lol. Look I take it you are fairly young. I just want you to know that she is not the end-all-be-all. Frankly you sound like you are getting annoyed with the situation as it stands now. And when does that stop? when YOU say it stops...
Author MrSimple Posted October 28, 2011 Author Posted October 28, 2011 Space: Yep, i just reached the twenty club. Not old enough to know abt relationships for sure. But I do know one thing. That I'm just going to disappoint myself anytime now if i were to allow myself contact back. It's gonna stop. Or rather, it has to stop.
olivec Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Space: Yep, i just reached the twenty club. Not old enough to know abt relationships for sure. But I do know one thing. That I'm just going to disappoint myself anytime now if i were to allow myself contact back. It's gonna stop. Or rather, it has to stop. I know how you feel man its a nasty cycle to get out of. It took me months of healing to get over my ex. And now guess what she contacted me lastnight for the first time since July. The difference now is i've had time to heal and now want nothing to do with her. Your ex is experiencing the same thing my ex is experiencing in that they both realized the grass isn't soo green on the other side which why the contact is made. Also it's a way to ease their guilt about what they did. I cant tell you what to do here. I know for my own situation I turned myself inside out for my ex and went through alot of depression after including resorting to alcholol as an escape which I never did before. It really scared me how low i got. Thankfully I was able to get out of it because of the help of my friends and family and talking to people on this forum. Its a tough choice, but I think deep down you know the right decision you must make.
Author MrSimple Posted October 28, 2011 Author Posted October 28, 2011 I nearly went there as well, up to the point where nothing could interest me anymore, up to the extent of me losing interest in life itself. It was scary for the fact, coz that thought has never crossed my mind before. Luckily, I forced myself to research on what i could do, and boy, am I glad I did. Every single thing I wrote down was such a huge morale boost for me. It's not good to focus entirely on it, coz if in the worst case scenerio that it does not turn out as planned, I could pummel straight down into depression again, and maybe worse this time. All i can do now is, go out and enjoy my life. And if fate wills it, maybe my ex will come back? Who knows~ Patience is the key.
Author MrSimple Posted November 16, 2011 Author Posted November 16, 2011 Well, event is over. Met her, chatted with her, managed to give her something that reminds her of me, and now back to NC. Day 4 now. Continue to wait and see what happens? It's the 6th week of her rebound, so maybe something will happen. Maybe not~
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