Doona Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 Last night my ex and I slept together, He broke up with me a week ago. I knew I shouldn't have let it happen, but I thought I would be ok (don't know why I thought that!) He broke up with me because he feels he's never experienced being on his own and doing his own thing (he lived with his parents before he moved in with me) I know he still cares about me and was not just using me last night, but I also know he does not want to get back together. I feel like I am back at square one, I'm so angry at myself for letting it happen, I should have stopped it!! Anyone else experience this?
Buttercup84 Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 Don't feel bad , I have never done it but to be honest if my ex made a move I will not be too sure if I wouldn't do it . You are human and it's Ok , you will move forward again.
TheDovic Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 Not this, but have given in to other things and went back to square one, so don't be too hard on yourself. Remember it's only been a week so your emotions are bound to be all over the place!
Author Doona Posted October 24, 2011 Author Posted October 24, 2011 Thanks guys, today has been a really hard day! I guess you can only learn from your mistakes
jfxxxx Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 ive unfortunately done the same thing. me and my ex boyfriend have been apart for 3 weeks, and we've had sex twice already. at the time i feel okay with it, and although i dont regret it so much, i do feel bad as if ive lost a bit of self-respect. dont worry, what you have done is normal. you've only just come out of a relationship, so your breaking lose of a routine. obviously sex was in your routine whilst together, so it was only natural for it to happen. i know this was the case for me. my ex boyfriend said he wasn't using me, but when he lays there with me it just feels right. dont hate yourself for it though, seriously. a lot of people out there do it. just dont turn into being friends with benefits!
joseph17 Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 Totally normal when the break up is still fresh. This is what happens when you don't use the NC rule and still see each other. And I agree friends with benefits is no good. When he starts dating someone else you will not like that very much or maybe it will seal the deal with the break up. Good luck and think about what you want
appletini Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 Omg - girl, we are the same person! After reading your other post about your parents, I found this one... this is pretty much exactly the reason why my ex and I broke up, too. He was a late-bloomer in the life skills department, and finally got out of his parents' house (while we were dating), which is something I helped him do. Then when the dust settled, he realized that he was ready to try being on his own. No more need for me. Because I thought I'd be ok (like you) and I had my own reservations about our long-term future, I let it happen.
Author Doona Posted October 24, 2011 Author Posted October 24, 2011 Thanks guys, It will not happen again. My ex and I still live together so we cannot do the NC thing just yet. We were being too friendly to each other, I have now changed it to be just a Hello and Goodbye relationship until I can move out. I'm glad I'm not the only one, its so hard to say no to a habit you are so used to doing.
vsmini Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 I know he still cares about me and was not just using me last night, but I also know he does not want to get back together. Sorry honey - this sucks - He did in fact use you. He cares about the sex he got out of you. I'm not saying there isn't a compassionate bone in his body but at the end of the day he did use you because he knew he could. I said the exact same thing about my ex after I slept with him AFTER we broke up. I said he still cared and that he wasn't using me - of course he was....what was he sleeping with me for? To do ME the favor? I don't think so. NC him and don't back down.
Thieves Posted October 25, 2011 Posted October 25, 2011 Vsmini is spot on, basically. I know he still cares about me and was not just using me last night, but I also know he does not want to get back together. Then what, exactly, was he doing? Not to be a 'Debbie Downer', as I'd say that this happens pretty often after a break-up and is fairly normal, but just because it's normal doesn't mean he wasn't using you at all either. Decent people make mistakes, too. I'm only saying this so that you really think about what's happening and, if you two happen to have sex again, that you won't be inclined to say afterwards that "He still cares, but he just doesn't want a relationship." That reason can only go so far, for so long. And if he really cared, he'd know that feelings are still very jumbled up and fresh after a break-up, so he wouldn't want to confuse you anymore by continuing to have sex with you if he doesn't want a relationship. If he does, he is simply not exercising enough self-control and may care about you, but cares a little more about getting his "fill".
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