dreaming4ever Posted May 19, 2004 Posted May 19, 2004 This may sound like a weird question but how long do most people wait in a relationship before they have sex?? I know it's different for everyone but I just want to know what you guys think...
allheart Posted May 19, 2004 Posted May 19, 2004 [color=brown][font=times new roman]I am sure you will get an array of varying answers here, but ... well....errrr....here's goes my two cents. I'm not a believer in 'casual sex' so I say wait at least until you know you are in love. I don't think that can truly happen until you reach a certain level of emotional maturity, which also varies from one to another. Perhaps an old fashioned viewpoint, but why not wait until marriage? Making love is the single most intimate personal thing one individual can ever do with another, therefore it is like a 'present' to give one another on your wedding night. I doubt that was the answer you were seeking, but it is meant sincerely and from the heart. Personally, I believe that sex never makes relationships meaningful, it is the relationship that makes sex meaningful. That is profound if you think about it.[/font][/color]
johan Posted May 19, 2004 Posted May 19, 2004 [color=darkred]Two weeks, max. That's also sincere and from the heart.[/color]
CosmoGirl1391 Posted May 19, 2004 Posted May 19, 2004 I think the most important thing to consider in this situation in the comfort level of both people. If both partners are ready and willing and comfortable, then it's fine. The time it takes for two ppl to have sex depends on the comfort level and it's something that both parties should decide together. But most importantly, neither partner should EVER be forced or feel pressured.
UCFKevin Posted May 19, 2004 Posted May 19, 2004 Definitely. Could be the same day as meeting, a few days after, a week, two, whatever feels right.
Pyrannaste Posted May 19, 2004 Posted May 19, 2004 It depends on the person you are with, but I'm taking all the time I need anyway:) With my current bf it was a couple of months (during the which we went out a couple of times, spent a lot of time on the phone, and had a 8 days trip, together 24/7 in a lovely place), which to me was an extremely short time because I was still a virgin, but we were really confortable which each other . I hope that if my next boyfriend has to wait longer than that he won't be offended.
avsguy01 Posted May 19, 2004 Posted May 19, 2004 You know its funny how this topic has come up today. Me and my new gf have been dating for 1 month, however, we have known each other for about 3 months. This same topic came up last night between me and her. She was telling me from like magazines the average is about 3 months for typical couples in a good relationship to start having sex. Thats just an average and you know them statistics are always stretched. We both agreed that you should not put a time on it or a time on anything in a relationship. Sure its nice to say wow its been a month and so on....but that shouldnt sway any actions you have toward one another. Me an my girl have done everything but sex. We went pretty far (3rd base) within the first month probably about 2 weeks into our official commitment to one another. Yes that seems pretty quick but we are naturally attracted to each other and we just feel really comfortable around each other. We have yet to have sex but honestly we are so comfortable with each that it can happen at any time. Theres no sense in waiting a specified amount of time just because of a stat. Go by what feels right. If you both feel comfortable and it just happens just let it flow. It could be anywhere from a few weeks to 4 months. But it is very important that both are ready and willing to make that step.
faux Posted May 19, 2004 Posted May 19, 2004 Originally posted by dreaming4ever This may sound like a weird question but how long do most people wait in a relationship before they have sex?? I know it's different for everyone but I just want to know what you guys think... The longest I have ever waited was just under one month. The people I have gotten involved with felt the same way about the progression to intimacy, and I am very open about discussing what I would like or what I expect out of things. Intimacy in a relationship is important to me. It would depend on the person at the time, but usually I prefer to become intimate and engage in sex before a month is up. Again, it all depends on the person and many other little things.
CutiePy Posted May 19, 2004 Posted May 19, 2004 I say do whatever feels right. If both people are mature enough to know what they want and the guy doesn't believe in "double standards" then two people should be intimate when the time feels right.
shamen Posted May 19, 2004 Posted May 19, 2004 If we make it to the third date (ha ha!), then it'll probably happen somewhere soon in that time frame. (But I'm also in my 30s.) I've been known to wait as long as 3 months (he wanted to wait till he was in love, strange concept for me)... Waiting till you get married? I know very few people who have done so. Do it when you're both ready.
UCFKevin Posted May 19, 2004 Posted May 19, 2004 Personally, I think waiting until marriage is one of the worst possible mistakes a couple can make. This is just MY opinion and others will almost certainly disagree. But: Would you buy a car without test driving it? Would you buy a house without checking it out first? Personally, for me, the answer to both is HELLLLLLLLLLL NO.
avsguy01 Posted May 20, 2004 Posted May 20, 2004 I do agree with you on that! Sex is a pretty important factor in a relationship. Its the physical expression toward one another. If that lacks in a relationship then its doomed! It would be terrible to be dating for 2 years get married and finally have sex to find out that you two are not compatible in that department. Waiting to have sex after marriage is just purely insane!
Kelebek Posted May 20, 2004 Posted May 20, 2004 I've gotta agree - I'd never wait til marriage...well it's too late now anyways Longest I've waited was about two months, but to be honest it didn't feel right. Other times, when it's happened much sooner, have felt more right than that time. It just depends on how you're feeling at the time, if YOU are ready. I wouldn't wait til I'm in love, hell, lust's enough for me, I'm too young to be looking for anything serious!! I do however, have a wonderful guy that I've only been with for a month, (have known him for a few months) and I'm making him wait. I'm sorry to say that I gave it up far too quickly to my ex, and the result was that he didn't have much respect for me and had total control of me...and he ended up being the first guy to break my heart It's awful sleeping with someone when it means so much to you and nothing to them. So this time, I'm taking it slow, because I really like this guy, and he treats me wonderfully. I don't want him thinking I'm easy, I want him to respect that part of our relationship if/when (fingers crossed ) it happens!! I want it to actually MEAN something rather than just a bit of fun. Hey, maybe I AM looking for something serious! Anyway, I wouldn't wait so long that it gets weird (months and months) UNLESS you aren't ready. But don't give in too quickly or it just looks like you don't respect how much the act should mean to you. Make your partner work for you hehe, he/she is lucky to get you, don't give it up so easily! I guess what I'm trying to say - bottom line, it'll happen when it feels right for both of you. Don't plan anything, that'll ruin it. Spontaneity is the way forward! Also, if you wait, then the feeling of anticipation building is pretty cool......nerve-racking, but cool!!!
MsLandon Posted May 20, 2004 Posted May 20, 2004 I waited like 4 - 5 months before I had sex with the first guy I was engaged to. I didn't marry him, but when I met my ex-husband we did it like a month into dating. I think that sex is appropriate between two people when it won't be regrettable afterwards. Think about how you'd feel about having had sex with him if for somereason things didn't work out a day, a week or a year later. Would you regret having started a sexual relationship with him? If so, it's not time yet. good luck.
toolman2 Posted May 20, 2004 Posted May 20, 2004 I always wondered why after X time sex is expected by one or the other party. Does you sex drive have a hour meter? I think a woman will let you know when the time is right and you need to let her be in control
SoleMate Posted May 20, 2004 Posted May 20, 2004 Yes, my sex drive DOES have a Hobbs meter, thank you very much!!!!! But I agree with you...these questions about "how long 'til sex?" always seem silly. We used to have a poster who first had sex with his (future) wife TWO HOURS after meeting her in a bar. I think the sex may ALSO have taken place in the same bar, or maybe out back. She got pregnant, and now here they are, ten years later, with a son who is 9 years, 3 months old, and they have been married for ten unhappy years with little or no sex since that fateful night. So I recommend waiting at LEAST three hours, until you are sure you are in LOVE!
daletom Posted May 21, 2004 Posted May 21, 2004 Perhaps a lot of the posts here can be summarized by asking, "What does sex mean to you?" One end of the scale might be the "swingers" who say it's a pleasurable activity that 2 people do for their personal pleasure and entertainment. The other end is that it's something for husband and wife to do only when they want children. The posters say something like, "If you and your partner agree on what it means and you agree that you're ready, go ahead and do it.". For me - it was one year and 2 weeks after I met her. It was our wedding night. We were both 23. We took each others' virginity. It was lousy sex. It was also extremely meaningful and significant for both of us. In 3 months we'll have a 30th anniversary. Yeah, I'm the "Woodstock" and "Free love" generation. We got engaged about 2-1/2 months after we met. We agreed (she was very insistent; I wasn't as strongly convinced) that we should "wait for marriage". Part of our "deal" was that I could enjoy her any way I wanted once we were married (she even asked if I wanted to "just see what it felt like" between the ceremony and reception - I declined); and we would use non-coital alternatives in our lovemaking until we were married; and the wedding would be (at least) postponed if we broke the agreement. During our engagement we did just about "everything but" intercourse, so you can make a cast that we weren't "really" virgins when we did it but that's for another post. We DID give each other a LOT of other firsts (including her first orgasm) during those ten months, and learned a lot about pleasuring each other.
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