MizHoney2U Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 Hi again, I dated this gut for nearly a year. we clicked so well and had so much chemistry that we went right past friendship to romance. I do not believe either of us were on a rebound so to speak. However, he eventually began to be distant so I just let him go. As much as I love him, there are things that I didn't want to start accepting so I let it go. He would not allow me any closure and I think he may have started talking to someone else thus the withdrawing behavior. after a month I would forward email quotes to him that I thought would be of interest but no calls. then he began to give me random phone calls. once we spoke on msgr and admitted to one another that we missed us and hooked up once. then the random calls would continue just to say hi. we would make plans to get together and talk but he never followed thru. eventually I got my closure via email telling him either state the purpose for his random calls or just stop calling. He continues to make random calls only now he displays his number. I got a call from him last week and he admitted that he had been trying to contact me.... just to see how everyone was doing... ugh!!!.... then I found out that he has been visiting my family!!! only no one thought to mention this to me. They all know that I was in love with this man. Someone please tell me why he feels the need to make random calls to me just to say hi???? I have been reading posts and now seriously thinking of blocking the number from calling me anymore... I need to heal if it's really over.
Deano8888 Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 That really is odd isn't it? If he was the one who was distant with you and backed off, why does he keep calling you? Well I have a theory, and it is only a theory as I don't know anything about you both so please don't be offended by my thoughts. I have been in a similar situation myself. And my experience would suggest to me that he was in a relationship with another woman or had stronger feelings for another woman and you was his 'back up' so to speak. It seems that he may have been putting all his effort into someone else and just contacting you now and again to keep you 'in the picture' in case his other plans didn't work out. I was in this situation myself but I was lead on for 2 years before I found out and dumped for the person they really wanted. He doesn't deserve you, I know that saying this might not help but it's true. He is stringing you along and the longer he does this to you that bigger the fall you are going to have i'm afraid. I speak from experience. Hope things work out for you x
Author MizHoney2U Posted October 24, 2011 Author Posted October 24, 2011 Thank you. I guess there's nothing left for me to say.
TheDovic Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 He contacts you because he's not 100% sure breaking up was the right thing to do. Think about it... how many times in your life have you made a decision and been 100% (and I mean completely 100%) sure you've made the right decision. We're rarely completely sure when we make small decisions, so imagine how difficult it would be when this decision affects you in a massive way... you're going to doubt yourself. If you look at it from a percentage point of view, when you were at your happiest he was 100% sure he wanted to be with you. Then as things progressed maybe the points started dropping away, and when he started to become distant maybe he was only 50% sure he wanted to be with. At this stage he was confused but didn't break up with you because he wanted you the same amount as he didn't want you. Now when the points dropped again, maybe to 30/40% he was more sure he didn't want to be with you, and as this was the overriding feeling he left. BUT, now that he is on his own he'll probably start to miss things about you. You see people are funny and they tend to value things that are rare. That's why diamonds are so expensive. And like diamonds, you started to become rare as he no longer had you every minute of every day so he started to value you more. When this happened his 70% sure he wanted to break up probably went back to 50% and all of a sudden he's torn again, so he contacts you. This doesn't mean he's coming back, but he certainly seems to have reignited some kind of interest! PS, hope this makes sense, it probably doesn't though lol
Author MizHoney2U Posted October 24, 2011 Author Posted October 24, 2011 That makes good sense however, it's one thing for him to try to contact me for the sake of a 'maybe' but why on earth would he suddenly start spending time with MY family??? He should know that is not cool at all.
TheGirlThatWon Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 It is kind of odd he is still visiting your family. I think he really still has feelings for you. Maybe he was trying to get some sort of attention from doing this but who knows.
69ways Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 I hate these f..... dumpers that do this to us. Its clear this person still needs and feeds on your voice and you, meaning they are not 100% sure they broke up with you for the right reasons or even the sure about the break up. I am not fun of believing they keep us on the back burn if things dont work out with their current bf or gf. People dont thing like this unless they are really twisted. My ex called me after 9 months of playing it all that, to ask me if I am still single and other personal stuff. Now I am not getting my hopes high but it does not take a rocket scientist to figure that this woman is panicking in case I have met a new girl and if she changes her mind it will be too late.
Zabs Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 He contacts you because he's not 100% sure breaking up was the right thing to do. Think about it... how many times in your life have you made a decision and been 100% (and I mean completely 100%) sure you've made the right decision. We're rarely completely sure when we make small decisions, so imagine how difficult it would be when this decision affects you in a massive way... you're going to doubt yourself. If you look at it from a percentage point of view, when you were at your happiest he was 100% sure he wanted to be with you. Then as things progressed maybe the points started dropping away, and when he started to become distant maybe he was only 50% sure he wanted to be with. At this stage he was confused but didn't break up with you because he wanted you the same amount as he didn't want you. Now when the points dropped again, maybe to 30/40% he was more sure he didn't want to be with you, and as this was the overriding feeling he left. BUT, now that he is on his own he'll probably start to miss things about you. You see people are funny and they tend to value things that are rare. That's why diamonds are so expensive. And like diamonds, you started to become rare as he no longer had you every minute of every day so he started to value you more. When this happened his 70% sure he wanted to break up probably went back to 50% and all of a sudden he's torn again, so he contacts you. This doesn't mean he's coming back, but he certainly seems to have reignited some kind of interest! PS, hope this makes sense, it probably doesn't though lol Lovely perspective D! We are all not perfect at the end of the day..but the best way to see his intentions is to do nothing...myself and D advise a friend of ours to do that every day... Count your blessings love...my ex loves riddles. ATM his riddle is 'he is widowed and has a picture of a particular man on fb who cannot be with the woman he loves. SOunds simple hey...but at the end of the day...what's the point in letting me know? I too get random calls...he will be itching right and left to call soon but is hoping that the above scenario will make me call first. He will have a long ass wait...something is more important to me..and when he finds out what that is, he will be crushed.. ps..don't omit the power of ego too..no one likes to think they can be cast aside and forgotten so easily...so when you next get his 'response' - consider Much love, Zabs xx
Zabs Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 I hate these f..... dumpers that do this to us. Its clear this person still needs and feeds on your voice and you, meaning they are not 100% sure they broke up with you for the right reasons or even the sure about the break up. I am not fun of believing they keep us on the back burn if things dont work out with their current bf or gf. People dont thing like this unless they are really twisted. My ex called me after 9 months of playing it all that, to ask me if I am still single and other personal stuff. Now I am not getting my hopes high but it does not take a rocket scientist to figure that this woman is panicking in case I have met a new girl and if she changes her mind it will be too late. Sorry to be personal, but what did you say? Zabs xx
oldguy Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 It doesn't sound like you even know if it's over & are sending mixed signals. I'm sure there is more to this but from what I just read I think you should either work on it or end it & then stop talking to him & no more 'hook ups'.
TheDovic Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 That makes good sense however, it's one thing for him to try to contact me for the sake of a 'maybe' but why on earth would he suddenly start spending time with MY family??? He should know that is not cool at all. I suppose it's easier saying that you miss the other person's family than saying he misses YOU as there's less chance of rejection! I know he hasn't said he misses them, but his actions (spending time with them) say it all MizHoney
Author MizHoney2U Posted October 24, 2011 Author Posted October 24, 2011 It doesn't sound like you even know if it's over & are sending mixed signals. I'm sure there is more to this but from what I just read I think you should either work on it or end it & then stop talking to him & no more 'hook ups'. We hooked up only once and that was in May. I am not sending mixed signals; once I sent the last email 7/25 telling him to speak up or stop calling, I haven't made attempts to contact him at all. but keep it coming... it beats dealing with my own thoughts.
69ways Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 Sorry to be personal, but what did you say? Zabs xx I believe you are trying to Patronize me so will Not get down to your level....
ConfusedT Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 breadcrumbs, my dear, breadcrumbs! he still clearly cares though, but be careful. him flakin on you shows a LOT! why is he hanging out with your family? does he know them prior to knowing you? i know my ex's family before i knew him, so I STILL see them. on the other hand, if things change and there wasnt any drastic miserable breakup and he starts showing major interest (& keeping his word), maybe its not over!
Author MizHoney2U Posted October 24, 2011 Author Posted October 24, 2011 breadcrumbs, my dear, breadcrumbs! he still clearly cares though, but be careful. him flakin on you shows a LOT! why is he hanging out with your family? does he know them prior to knowing you? i know my ex's family before i knew him, so I STILL see them. on the other hand, if things change and there wasnt any drastic miserable breakup and he starts showing major interest (& keeping his word), maybe its not over! Is that what you're say'n? he's dropping breadcrumbs for me?....oh well...I can not pick em up. No, he did not know my family before we met. he met them thru me, we went to dinner at my sisters a few times (my mom lives with her as well) but otherwise paths would not have crossed.
Author MizHoney2U Posted October 24, 2011 Author Posted October 24, 2011 Before I found this site I posted the following elsewhere and got a bunch of foolish replies....I think the input from here will be worthy.... we dated for nearly 7 months, during this time he met my family. On a few occasions we had dinner with my sister and her family, where my mom also lives. This, however, ceased a few months before our relationship ended. Also, on occasion, he would cut the boy's hair (after a few reminders and we always paid him )after realizing that he was withdrawing from me... I eventually broke off my relationship with him, although I was deeply in love with this guy, and anyone who was close with me knew this. I even shared with her that I fought everyday to keep him off my mind. After it ended, he would see my sister and wave her down to stop and chat real quick, or just to say hey, I see you, hi!... He would say he was gonna cut the boy's hair and never make it. We would see each other on occasion in passing, and I would mention the boys needing a haircut - never made it. Eventually my sister says she stopped responding to his waves and broken words of coming to cut her son's hair and said she would rather take him to the barbershop than to ask him again. Recently, after I asked how her son was doing, she replied that he was going good and that my Ex had been by to cut his hair. This blew me away. My response was, "after all the 'begging' of cutting the boy's hair, we just went and got some clippers". Finally I asked her how many times he had cut the hair she said."twice I think, yeah, twice".... ) I couldn't believe that she would have allow this to happen without even feeling any obligation to share that with me. It bothers me that they were not acquainted prior to my dating him, and that they have absolutely nothing in common that could fuel a conversation past small talk. He has made several attempts to contact me in the past few weeks and we eventually spoke last week, he wanted to know how I was doing. After the small talk, we ended the call. My point is this, he had an opportunity to ask if the boy's needed a hair cut or even mention that he had been cutting my nephew's hair . This has been bothering me since my sister shared that info with me (Which was after his phone call), trying to understand their motives. there are so many 'why's'.... Is it me or is my sister wrong for even communicating with him.
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