spiderowl Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 (edited) I've been going to same social events for a few years now and see the same characters there, plus others (it's not boring). For some reason, I've started to notice this one guy who's been there all along and who I wasn't attracted to before. I found him quite severe looking in some respects, he rarely smiled and was focused on playing music. In fact, he is always focused on playing music and rarely chats to anyone. I guess he's either shy or not that sociable though I have seen him chatting occasionally. Problem is, having practically ignored him for years, I don't know if he's likely to be interested or how to improve things between us. I smile at him in passing and at points like that and he smiles back. He doesn't hang around or make any effort to chat. I don't want to be too obvious but I'd like to give him some hints that I'd be interested, but it's difficult. He plays music mostly and doesn't hang around socially. He doesn't seem to seek eye contact either though he does catch my eye sometimes but only smiles rarely. He's hard work! I've not had this problem before in that guys usually make their interest obvious and take opportunities to be near or to chat. This one seems to be just going about his business and smiles in passing. I can't blame him really as I barely noticed him some time ago and I wouldn't have encouraged him as a romantic partner, just didn't feel attraction. I probably gave off 'not interested' vibes then. But things have changed and now I want him to pay attention and to show some interest. Any idea what subtle things I can do to hint to him? I think it's possible he's shy with women. I've never seen him chatting a woman up, he just doesn't. He has been married though and there's no suggestion that he's anything but heterosexual. I could just assume he's not interested and leave it at that, but given other behaviour I think it's possible he's shy or has lost confidence with women. It's just typical that I find myself interested in someone who seems remote like this! Edited October 24, 2011 by spiderowl
Feelin Frisky Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 Maybe he's sly like a fox. Anyway, what do you mean by "he plays music"? Plays an instrument, plays the jukebox, plays his I-Pod, is a DJ et al?
Author spiderowl Posted October 24, 2011 Author Posted October 24, 2011 Thanks for the thought. Yes, he plays an instrument. I go to musical meetings. He plays very well and obviously devoted to his instrument!
Feelin Frisky Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 Thanks for the thought. Yes, he plays an instrument. I go to musical meetings. He plays very well and obviously devoted to his instrument! Well that explains a lot. Been a musican and around them for much of my life. Trust me, there's a nut there to crack. Play your cards well and you'll turn his head.
Author spiderowl Posted October 24, 2011 Author Posted October 24, 2011 Er, not sure what you mean about the nut to crack. I'm a musician too so it's great to hear from another one. I'm a bit lost with this one though. Any tips appreciated.
Feelin Frisky Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 Er, not sure what you mean about the nut to crack. I'm a musician too so it's great to hear from another one. I'm a bit lost with this one though. Any tips appreciated. Well you said he was married so obviously he is straight and probably not autistic, so there you go--he's a guy and can be had. My point is that, yes, he's a challenging nut to crack and you should probably expect to spend more effort than you would on a plain ol' guy. You know what to do, no? Goo-goo eyes, long stares with approving smile, walk past look over your shoulder and when he looks, roll your eyes like you've been caught gawking and throw your head forward and go "hmpf" like a proud struttin' momma. Works for me.
alphamale Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 It's just typical that I find myself interested in someone who seems remote like this! many chicks tend to be attracted to aloof men
Author spiderowl Posted October 24, 2011 Author Posted October 24, 2011 (edited) Thanks for comments. I could probably do the glance and approving look thing but not the strutting. I'm shy and it's all I can do to catch a guy's eye. A longer gaze would seem so blantant to me and I know he'd think it out of character and wonder what was the matter with me. I know it's commonly thought that women like aloof guys but unless they are attractive in some other way, it's not going to work. Sometimes I am just relieved they are aloof, as I was initially with this guy. Bear in mind that I've been going to these social events for about five years and only started taking an interest in him. Being aloof doesn't necessarily pay, but having musical talent does. Has anyone else found themselves in a similar situation and found a way to change the dynamic? Edited October 24, 2011 by spiderowl
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