perfectlyflawed459 Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 I have been feeling better after NC for almost a month, but something that bothers me is that him and I never got to sit down and talk about everything that went wrong in our relationship. I always wanted to sit down with him, and tell him I am sorry for talking him for granted that last month we were together, being insecure and taking my anger out on him at times, fights that were so insignificant, etc. and I want to hear what he has to say to cause I know he does have things he may be sorry for. I know right now would not be the best time to try and talk with him because he is with someone else right now I think, but has anyone ever had the opportunity to sit and discuss everything that went wrong with their ex? If so, did things get better? I read somewhere that for the bond to ever be stronger, discussing what went wrong helps a lot. I love my ex to death, and I do hope that one day him and I can start fresh. If not, then that's okay too.
Bobby289 Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 I had the chance and she was understanding and knew how bad I felt for my insecurities and taking her for granted. It only made me feel worse honestly because she said something along the lines of yeah thats good you realize it but I still can't be with you anymore because you hurt me too much. Just beat me down. It was 2 weeks after the split so I guess that changes things as well.
infinity8245 Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 I can relate to how you feel. I broke up with my ex of 4+ years ago about a month and a half ago, and I feel like there's a lot of things that could be said to sort out exactly what happened and for both of us to explain ourselves. Unfortunately, my experience in the past and certainly with this breakup, is that no matter how much talking you do, there's always going to be more questions, and it doesn't really solve anything. I think that holding on to those things that need to said in a way hinder us from moving on. The best that we can do is just accept things for how they are. However, if there are things that you are just dying to say, I would recommend writing them in a journal or a letter to your ex, but DON'T SEND IT. In my past, I went through a really rough breakup and by the end of the healing process, had many letters written to my ex that I never sent. When I felt I was truly ready to let go, I printed out all the letters and burned them. It was therapeutic. It was a way of saying, "these letters contain all my regrets, sorrows, pain, anger, etc..., but I don't need to hold on to that anymore." Oddly enough, with that ex, we did end up talking things out down the road 2 years later. We ran into each other (were both in serious relationships at the time) and met up to catch up with each other. We both ended up apologizing to each other for how we acted during the breakup and during the bad parts of the relationship. Though, at that point, it didn't really matter anymore because we had both moved on and were happily with someone else. In any case, I think the best advice is to just accept that the relationship is over. Though both of you probably did/said things that might warrant discussions or apologies, you might not get that chance, and that's OK (easier said than done I know, I'm working through it right now myself). Good luck.
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