Bobby289 Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 (edited) So my ex of 2 years and I have been apart for about a month, first two weeks we still talked every few days and she stared to ignore. Then after that no contact kicked in then she said she wanted to talk a few days ago so I let her and it was nice, asked how I was doing, sorry for ignoring me and whatnot. Then she said we can talk when I want, that night she text me for a ride from a bar. I was disappointed that she went out after our talk. Now I contacted her to talk but she keeps blowing me off, ignoring me, turning the tables to blame me, and giving me the maybe if i have time replies... Why would she say she feels bad for ignoring me and then doing it again? I am not going to be a doormat for her to walk all over. So I sent her a message saying I cant keep feeling like a stranger to her and thinking she actually wants to talk. She said she forgot that I wanted to talk to her even though I have been trying and understanding she was busy the day before, she had a free day but made other plans instead of talking. I gave the ultimatum that she can either move on with me or I will have to cut all ties for good. I feel like she is just walking over me because she can so I had to give her the choice of what she really wants. I have yet to get a reply but I think it was the right choice, its not fair to feel like a stranger to someone I still make an effort for. Just feels like a game to see how far I can fall. Edited October 23, 2011 by Bobby289
Author Bobby289 Posted October 23, 2011 Author Posted October 23, 2011 Oh yeah and I personally cannot let someone go completely and let them back in. I know they say if they come back you have them forever but I find it hard to even want to see that person again...
Kae7s04 Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 She seems like she likes that control over you. You both can talk, but only when she wants to. She's keeping you on a string, so you can't be happy. It will be the end of it for you when she asks you to pick her up from a bar and she's bringing someone else with her... It's best for you if you don't even give her the ultimatum, just get out of her life. She obviously doesn't respect you.
Author Bobby289 Posted October 23, 2011 Author Posted October 23, 2011 She knows she has control issues just like i have issues with my insecurities, thus leading to our breaking point. I feel like she still cares about me but afraid I am still the same person so she is playing with me. I do feel hurt that she calls me and is so sincere then ruins that hope
Kae7s04 Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 She can't care about you if she's treating you like a puppet. Let her go. PLease, she'll just keep pulling you deeper into your insecurities. It's dangerous.
Author Bobby289 Posted October 23, 2011 Author Posted October 23, 2011 Yeah guess I just don't want to accept that...
Kae7s04 Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 i know what you mean, there's all this advice being thrown in our faces, but it usually doesn't help, we're so stuck wanting things back to the way they were.. i don't know how to get out of it. I'm probably going to have to go to therapy before I do something harmful.
TheDovic Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 I don't know of many successful relationships which have started with an ultimatum dude! I appreciate you're in a bad place, but putting her in this position (even though she deserves it for how she's been treating you) is likely to make her defensive. I say this because she's clearly not 100% sure getting back with you is the right thing for her, and this could cause serious issues!
Author Bobby289 Posted October 24, 2011 Author Posted October 24, 2011 (edited) Yeah I recommend therapy a lot, I started the week of my break up and it helps you sift through the emotions since they are all so high. I think I had to give her an ultimatum not as much to get her back but to just show she wants me in her life eventually or know she still cares. After a month of this pain I think it is fair to make that choice for me? Edited October 24, 2011 by Bobby289
Zabs Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 Ultimatums are only useful if fit for purpose...ie; only if you are prepared to stand by what you say. The alternative is endless games of 'testing the waters' to see how far you can be pushed Zabs xx
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