MizHoney2U Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 Hi, I dated a guy for nearly 8 months and I ended the relationship because I noticed he was withdrawing from me, (sometimes not answering my calls and decreased visits). I did this although I was deeply in love with him, it hurt me so much but I felt it was the best thing to do. Initially we had minimal contact by him calling me from a blocked number. after a few months of that, I got my closure by sending him an email asking him to either state the reason for his random calls or just stop calling me. He did neither. the occasional calls continue to come, at first I would think that he was wanting to get back together but his actions of saying he would call later and never would made me feel otherwise. Now I find out that he has been visiting my sister's house (twice) to cut her son's hair (she pays him). When we were together we had to ask repeatedly for him to cut and after the break up as well. Now he is keeping his word to her. He continues to call me to see how I am but has not mentioned that he has had contact with my sister. I am so confused about this. are they seeing or have an interest in each other? if so, why would either of them want to communicate with me? why does he still contact me knowing that I really cared for him and such. why would she allow him over after so many time that he never showed up to cut her son's hair?.... my sister and I are very close but stopped speaking about 2 months ago over some silly sister crap but as far as family goes I had enuf. recently, and I think since they've been in touch, she has been reaching out to me. I know I am extremely analytical so someone please send me something to feed on before I cut her off for good. I am just learning about NC but I thought that if they met the family through dating you, when you break up the family and friends break up as well.
M2155 Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 I have no idea. Wish I had responded like you did when my guy started acting distant. If he really wanted to be with you though, he would have made it clear as you've given him oppotunity to do so. I wouldn't cut things off with your sister over this. As long as there is nothing shady going on between them I would ignore it. Like you said, she pays him, maybe he feels guilty for being so difficult about it when you are together.
Bobby289 Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 I would talk to your sister, he probably just wants a reason to have contact with you. Being jealous he is at your sister won't help but I would not be happy with her.
Author MizHoney2U Posted October 23, 2011 Author Posted October 23, 2011 I would talk to your sister, he probably just wants a reason to have contact with you. Being jealous he is at your sister won't help but I would not be happy with her. Part of me feels that she wants me to hound her for information. I refuse to. But why is he still calling me? I told him that I am fine, will be fine, and please stop calling me. Now you're hanging around my family??? we are both over 40 so I think we are past games. Also, my sister knows how broken I was over MY decision.... man this is so sickening.
Author MizHoney2U Posted October 26, 2011 Author Posted October 26, 2011 I am wondering if those calls could just mean that he's showing signs of guilt about how it ended... I do not feel guilty because I know I had to draw a line showing what I was not willing to tolerate and I am not one to waste time arguing, if we can't discuss it and I see a problem... maybe the silence is telling me that it's time to walk away from it. So no guilt on my part but I still miss him and feel bad about the break up.
wilsonx Posted October 26, 2011 Posted October 26, 2011 I am wondering if those calls could just mean that he's showing signs of guilt about how it ended... I do not feel guilty because I know I had to draw a line showing what I was not willing to tolerate and I am not one to waste time arguing, if we can't discuss it and I see a problem... maybe the silence is telling me that it's time to walk away from it. So no guilt on my part but I still miss him and feel bad about the break up. He is feeling guilty and he also lost control of you when you ended it with him, probably why he's trying to stay in contact, but at this point does it really matter? You do have guilt, dont lie to yourself, it hinders moving on from it. "Feeling bad about the break up" is guilt. Just accept it and focus on you and only you
Author MizHoney2U Posted October 26, 2011 Author Posted October 26, 2011 Wow, you're right... let's get my own feelings into perspective.... but look at this, how can I feel guilty for breaking it off when I could have let it drag on until he did it...then I would have felt horrible... maybe i'm just sad because I wanted it to work out and it didn't... but I don't think it's guilt. Im gonna check out that thread you posted above.
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