confused kitty Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 As I write this tears are rolling down my face (pathetic I know)... My problem is I bloody miss him so badly... Its been 6 days since he broke up with me, despite still loving me (he needs to sort his life out) and wants to remain "friends" for now... I started NC imediatly!! Tough and all as it was I was managing to resist all urges to call him... That was until thursday, (day 3) he calls me twice - I didnt answer, and that really killed me... Last night I was feeling particularly crap, feeling really low and had just had an accident and endided up in A&E - I was going through old texts from him and deleting them (missing him terribly) as I sat there waiting, when suddenly out of the blue he responds to an old email I sent him 2weeks ago..... It was a stupid email asking him the name of a website we had been talking about but he never replyed to it at the time... So feeling tired and alone, I responded (bad move I know) I simply said thank you for the web address and left it at that not thinking he would bother responding, but he did, he asked how i was and said that he was worried when I didnt answer his calls afew days previous. I said sorry Ive been busy (LIE) and told him I was bored sitting in A&E and he responded all concerned, anyway long story short we sent afew emails (neither of us mentioning "us" or the "break") and then I said I had to go (LIE). It felt like old times, like nothing had been going on between us, and that made me miss him even more!!! Well my problem is; Ideally I want this guy back, I love him very much and I think hes my soulmate. I understand his personal problems and needing space to "focus on himself" right now and sort his life out.. But having said that, hes also my best friend...and I miss him sooo much!!!! Hes the one I call when I need to talk about stuff, hes the one I go to when Im feeling crap and just want to vent or when I have a problem its him who helps me solve it.... So my question is, even though everyone on here says the only way to get them back is to go NC so that they miss you and want you back, what happens when even though you dont want to fall into that dreaded "friend zone" but yet you miss your best friend..???? Im just feeling incredibly low and miserable the last two days and even though I miss "us" Im also missing him equally as bad, and starting to wonder if it is actually possible to keep in contact with him without ruining my chances of getting back together??? Thank you in advance for your advice
mike588 Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 No contact is NOT to get them back,, it is to help you move on however it could make them miss you,, absence makes the heart grow fonder. You only delay the healing process by staying in contact with that person after a breakup because they are always there. Breakups are to be away from each other not keeping in touch every hour, day or week. I would stay away from being friends right now, it's also dragging it out and there are to many emotions involved after a fresh breakup so if you want him back let him know how you feel,,what you want and expect then go strict No Contact!! It's up to him now.
Author confused kitty Posted October 23, 2011 Author Posted October 23, 2011 (edited) Thanks Mike, On Monday when he ended our relationship he said he still felt exactly the same about me and loved me as much as ever but that he needed to focus on himself right now and wanted to stay friends but thaught it would be best not to talk for a month or so as it would be too dificult, yet hes the one that called me, and then found a stupid meaningless email to use as an excuse to get in touch...??? Is he maybe missing me too?? I told him at the time that unless he was willing to meet me half way then I was done, and also used the words "Its up to you now" He was the one that said he didnt want to talk for a month or so yet he contacts me afew days later..??? So Im not sure, maybe he meant nothing by it and Im just reading too much into it... Edited October 23, 2011 by confused kitty
mike588 Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 Thanks Mike, On Monday when he said he ended our relationship he said he still felt exactly the same about me and loved me as much as ever but that he needed to focus on himself right now and wanted to stay friends but thaught it would be best not to talk for a month or so as it would be too dificult, yet hes the one that called me, and then found a stupid meaningless email to use as an excuse to get in touch...??? Is he maybe missing me too?? I told him at the time that unless he was willing to meet me half way then I was done, and also used the words "Its up to you now" He was the one that said he didnt want to talk for a month or so yet he contacts me afew days later..??? So Im not sure, maybe he meant nothing by it and Im just reading too much into it... If he still loves you as much as he says then he wouldn't be breaking up with you,, I think this he needs to focus on himself is a bunch of crap! I would never breakup with a woman I truely love to focus on myself and that friends thing is a BIG RED FLAG!! I think he wants to let you down easy and his contacting you may be out of guilt or confusion. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Oh,,, how long did you date?? and is there a recent ex. in his life?
Author confused kitty Posted October 23, 2011 Author Posted October 23, 2011 If he still loves you as much as he says then he wouldn't be breaking up with you,, I think this he needs to focus on himself is a bunch of crap! I would never breakup with a woman I truely love to focus on myself and that friends thing is a BIG RED FLAG!! I think he wants to let you down easy and his contacting you may be out of guilt or confusion. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Oh,,, how long did you date?? and is there a recent ex. in his life? We dated for 5months and clicked straight away, he was even the one planning our future, as in geting a place together in the new year, saying he was going to marry me one day etc. The problems hes having at the moment are, hes been on a methadone programe for almost a year (which i didnt know about until i was already in love with him) and at the begening of September he tryed to detox which wasnt too successful and is planning on trying to detox again soon and says this is the reason he needs to put himself first which I do believe.. No theres nobody else involved well he promises me there isnt and I believe him, i genuinely think he does need to put himself first but I dont see why he has to hurt me by putting our relationship on hold, when all I want is to be there and support him through it... But maybe im just being selfish I dont know anymore im just really misserable without him and nothing else in my life seems to matter anymore....
mike588 Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 We dated for 5months and clicked straight away, he was even the one planning our future, as in geting a place together in the new year, saying he was going to marry me one day etc. The problems hes having at the moment are, hes been on a methadone programe for almost a year (which i didnt know about until i was already in love with him) and at the begening of September he tryed to detox which wasnt too successful and is planning on trying to detox again soon and says this is the reason he needs to put himself first which I do believe.. No theres nobody else involved well he promises me there isnt and I believe him, i genuinely think he does need to put himself first but I dont see why he has to hurt me by putting our relationship on hold, when all I want is to be there and support him through it... But maybe im just being selfish I dont know anymore im just really misserable without him and nothing else in my life seems to matter anymore.... Hummm he didn't tell you about that problem up front, wonder what else he may be hiding? Not accusing but it raises a red flag. Regardless I still don't like the breakup thing for a month. I'd want someone there like you said to help/support me.Also he's planning,,, planning on trying detox again, Hummmm, Actions speak more than words.
Author confused kitty Posted October 23, 2011 Author Posted October 23, 2011 Hummm he didn't tell you about that problem up front, wonder what else he may be hiding? Not accusing but it raises a red flag. Regardless I still don't like the breakup thing for a month. I'd want someone there like you said to help/support me.Also he's planning,,, planning on trying detox again, Hummmm, Actions speak more than words. Yea the programme hes on involves planning with the doctors and weaning down before you can start a detox, this time hes also going into a treatment centre to to it as last time he just tryed it himself at home ( which obviously wasnt going to work) yes I know he shold have told me upfront and I was very upset about this at the time (as was he) and said it was because he originally didnt think we were going to be serious and then he didnt want to lose me but finally the guilt of hiding it from me got too much for him he said... We spoke about the whole thing at that point and he discussed his past openly with me from then on and ive also spoke to his mom (who ive quite a good relationship with) and shes confirmed the whole story for me, shes said his head is all over the place right now as hes had to lose alot of his old friends and he knows how much hes hurt me and feels guilty about me having to go through all this aswel but she thinks Im "the one" for him and believes I really can help him get through this... I just dont know how to make him see that...........
mike588 Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 All you can do is talk to him,, tell him how you feel, that you will be there for him etc. then leave it at that. It's his choice now,,, if he doesn't want you around I'd move on.
Author confused kitty Posted October 23, 2011 Author Posted October 23, 2011 not sure when il be talking to him again but yea your rite, its all I can do... Thank you so much for all the advice
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