LSgirl Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 My boyfriend of 10 months broke up with me last night. Short background: we got together 2 months after his 8 year relationship ended, she cheated on him. Throughout our relationship he treated me well, loyal, honest, but he had an emotionall wall up and we both knew this. I was arguing with him more recently (he doesn't communicate much when we argue, mostly me doing the talking so I get frustrated) but I try to communicate effectively without saying things I will regret. Finally last night he said (paraphrasing) "I don't want to fight anymore or at all. I can't do this anymore, I have to move on. Don't chase something you're never going to get from me (love). You deserve to find someone else who will. I have to do this, I don't think this can last. I don't want to hurt you anymore and can't keep up with this, goodbye" I knew that he had to be ******* or else he knew I wouldn't walk away. Even though I told myself Id never do it, I begged and pleadd and left voicemails. So today starts Day 1 of No Contact. I've only felt this heartbroken once before 4 years ago with an ex so I've done this before, and I know this isn't going to be any easier. HOWEVER, I feel like I'm doing NC to see if he contacts me instead of using it to move on. I know I shouldn't after he made it clear of many things when we broke up and why would I want to go back to that. I just want to know if he's hurting too even though he's the dumper. Another thing, I don't go out much, I'm kind of an introvert so it's hard for me to find something to do to keep my mind off things, but I do work full-time but I know when i'm home I'm just going to cry myself to sleep til I can get over this, how awful that I've been through something like this before and yet repeat the same heartbroken experience, I need to be stronger! Any advice?
Kae7s04 Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 I feel like i'm in a similar position. by ex broke up with me a little over a month ago, saying he didn't want to put the effort in anymore. He also said he didn't want to torture me (whatever that means) Anyways, I was pretty strong in the beginning, defriended him, even changed his name in my phone so I didn't have to see it, deleted pics, etc... But these days, I am distraught. I, like you, want to know if he's hurting as much as I am. I also am waiting for him to contact me, after over a month! To be honest, I'm hurt that he hasn't. I think we all want the break-ers to come back and say how sorry they are and how much they miss us and then we have the chance to hurt them like they hurt us (at least that's how I'm feeling). I'm sorry that this is your second heartbreak. THis is my first, and I had no idea it would be this awful. But at least you put yourself out there again. I don't know if I can... I'm not going to say that time heals all, because you know that, and I know that, but it doesn't help right now. And I don't think anything will help. I'm just letting myself be angry and sad for now. There's nothing else I can do. I wish there was a way us break-ees could get together and cry...
Author LSgirl Posted October 23, 2011 Author Posted October 23, 2011 Thanks for your reply! But I'm sad to hear that you're still heartbroken, I hope a month from now Im not thinking about him, but I know that may not be the case. How long were you guys together and was his heartbroken before he met you? People tell me I'm a rebound, but rebound or not, we both went into this relationship with a risk, knowing i put 100% into it makes me feel better knowing there's not much else I could have done. I do hope within a few days he'll contact me, sad and pathetic, I know, but I just want to hear from him. I know that would defeat the purpose of moving on, but I can't help but hope he's missing me.
Kae7s04 Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 we dated for a year and a half, and he would always tell me how amazing and perfect I was. I wish he didn't because it's making me think about how much he's missing me. I don't know which helps more, thinking he's missing me, or thinking he's moved on so I can too. Sometimes I feel like I'm sad for him! How pathetic is that??? But he dumped his gf for me, which was a huge mistake on my part, no alone time for him, and I think that's why he broke up with me. I put 100% in too, which makes me feel like crap, I wasted so much time and energy on someone who wasn't willing to give back. And still, I too hope that he will send me a big apologetic note, or come all the way across the country to get me back (i moved from CA to PA to get away from him!) But that bull only happens in movies. I know there's nothing i can say that will make you not expect contact, but I suppose it's better if he doesn't, though I'm even doubting that now! All i want is for him to call me, but that's the last thing i need!!! But alas, they will call once we are almost over them completely...
Author LSgirl Posted October 23, 2011 Author Posted October 23, 2011 "that bull only happens in movies" LOL true. but im glad you had the chance to get away. I almost don't like the idea of not ever talking to him again. I'm sure at some point he may ask how I'm doing, but that's just scraps. He said "we're done, it's over, I have to do this" and considering he's a man of his word, I'll have to accept it. so sad! Will you update here if he does contact you? I can't believe it's been less than 24hrs for me and it feels like forever without him. I truly believe the pain of being heartbroken is the worst experience ever!
Kae7s04 Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 yeah, the first two weeks, even the first two days of the breakup were the longest of my life. I couldn't eat, had to take meds to sleep, woke up crying. Unfortunately, things aren't much better for me, I feel very weak, but there are many other stresses going on in my life. I hate the feeling of never talking to him again, we were together for a year and a half! we had plans! we talked about everything together!!! Now, I've not only lost a boyfriend, I've lost my best friend! But after he's hurt me so badly, I can't imagine being the one to initiate contact, and he may just be too stubborn to do it. And you're right, in the future, the conversation will be "scraps." Just banal conversation. We can never get back what we had... No contact on both sides is better that one person stringing along the other for months!
Coupedriver Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 We can never get back what we had... After reading several articles about it is said."It is best for NC and let the OLD relationship die,then you can start a new one.." I wonder how true that really is.?
Kae7s04 Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 i wonder too, it sucks because the only thing I want, and really, it's the only thing I want in life is for him to call me or me to call him. It's all I can think about. And it must be bad if I want it this badly. I try to think of how the conversation would go, and then I realize that nothing really good could come of it.
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