Ex agreed to meet, now I am scared of messing up. Does reconciliation exist?

[mittk]

My ex girlfriend broke up with me little under a month ago. The split was very amicable (but super painful for me), and we exchanged texts a couple times since (once initiated by her, the second time by me). She said she regretted splitting up, but didn't give any indication that she wanted to get back beyond that. I have just asked her to meet as friends for coffee, and she agreed immediately. We are meeting next week.

 

Part of me is thrilled that she agreed to meet, because deep down, while I want us to remain friends, I hope there might still be a chance at getting back together. I don't know what her game is, so I am only guessing at this point.

 

Part of me, though, is scared that the meeting will reveal she does indeed only want to remain friends and nothing more. This will crush me, because while now I still live with hope, after the meeting I might have that taken away from me too.

 

Does reconciliation ever happen?

[davesterr]

does reconciliation ever happen? yeah it happens.

how often? the statistics or percentage doesn't really matter.

why? because everyone is different and so is every relationship.

 

you have hope of getting back together and thats good.

you have a scheduled meet up for coffee which is good.

i guess you have to understand that wondering ur whole life: what if , is alot more painful than actually knowing.

 

so if ur scared to find out whether she really just wants to be friends.

ask ur self this:

does it hurt more to find out whether she just wants to be friends.

or does it hurt more to wonder ur whole life whether u could've made a difference and get back together?

 

and yes it might hurt but then again u might also get back together.

living with hope alone that leads to no where wont bring u anything but pain.

see it as having hope to win the lottery but never buying a ticket.

it doesn't matter how much hope u have, u will never win it becuz u will never make an effort to buy a ticket.

 

my advice is to meet up and do ur thing.

i cant tell u how she feels or how to win her back.

but if i were u , i would do whatever i could to give her my all and win her back.

this way you might have the best chance of winning her back.

if she doesn't feel the same then atleast u know u gave it ur all and never have to wonder: what if i tried more or did better becuz u alrdy gave it ur all.

and lastly, if she doesnt feel the same way , well atleast u will know and will be able to start moving on from then.

right now she is the lottery u want to win, and u have hopes of winning.

ofcourse theres a way bigger chance of winning her back than winning the lottery

however if u never set out to meet her , if u never set out to buy that actual lottery ticket. or maybe even 100 tickets to increase ur winning chance.

then you will never win the jackpot my friend.

hopefully for you , you both will get back together.

its scary and might be painful but in the end if you really love her then i think its worth the risk.

goodlucks man.

[carhill]

Think about why you and she broke up....

 

Now, if reconciliation happens, how will those issues, including the emotional fallout from them, be addressed?

 

Think of reconciliation as building a completely new relationship, accepting the reality of the past, taking responsibility for it and moving forward.

 

Or, just have make-up sex and act like normal young people

[ffw]

right now she is the lottery u want to win, and u have hopes of winning.

 

Not really. The two important things you should remember is that girl is never the prize, but we are. After all, ask women how hard it is to find a good man.

You should meet her & speak your mind. If she just want to be friend then say goodbye & do NC. Can you see her in the arms of other guys?

[davesterr]

Not really. The two important things you should remember is that girl is never the prize, but we are. After all, ask women how hard it is to find a good man.

 

in this scenario he wants the girl.

that means he wants something he doesnt have right now.

that along with there no being a 100% guarantee of getting her back equals playing the lottery in a sort of way.

so his girlfriend is the prize because that is what he wants to win.

 

it doesnt matter if the lotter prize is only a dollar and u urself is worth a billion because your a good man thats hard to find. its not about that.

he wants his ex girlfriend back , and thats why she is the prize he wants that he currently does not have.

 

anways like the other guy above said.

think bout what went wrong and if u do get back together than fix those previous issues and make it work.

[ffw]

My point is don't let your life stuck because of 1 girl. The more hopes you have, the more bad you will fall. Be neutral. Even if she just wants to be friend, don't let yourself get depress. There are plenty of fishes.

[davesterr]

i think the more hopes u have the more courage and energy it gives you to perform your best.

you can never run a marathon if u dont believe u can get past a 100 meters.

then again don't just blindly focus on hope all together.

know the possible outcomes in case it doesn't go the way u hoped for.

be prepared for that but yet strive for the best.

i personally think a winning attitude helps you claim victory.

and a girl loves confidense.

i dont know what went wrong in the previous relationship and i dont know how to fix it.

but if you meet her as a cold zombie with no feeling just becuz u want to possible damage to be as less painful as possible ,then i dont think u will shine like the real you and give off your best impression.

 

ofcourse this is just my opinion and im not hating on ffw.

there are alot of girls in this world however getting depressed isnt something you can just control.

you cant tell ur heart to stop loving.

you cant tell yourself to move on simply becuz u want to.

it takes hard work and dedication and its really hard to do.

it hurts to hope and to believe but you gotta see urself succeeding before you are able to succeed.

ofcourse this case involves another person with feelings so you can only do everything you can on your part and therefore u cant have gigantic hopes since you cant control the other person.

but im just saying , do ur best and aim for the best and in the back of ur mind be prepared for the worst.

[Cristian Luca]

Stop chasing women.

 

And reconciliation never happens when you are so needy. If you are continuing to act like a desperate boy she will dump you again.

 

But you can't act "tough" either.

 

Your only option is to get your act together and understand what's your purpose in life and then let women come to you.

[leoc1973]

If someone said to me they regretted breaking up with you I would think that meant she wanted you back. I would think that would be her telling you right out she wanted you back. Unless she said sometimes she regrets it or she might end up regretting it but did she actually tell you right out that she regrets it I think that means that she regrets it!!!

[Kamila]

My ex girlfriend broke up with me little under a month ago. The split was very amicable (but super painful for me), and we exchanged texts a couple times since (once initiated by her, the second time by me). She said she regretted splitting up, but didn't give any indication that she wanted to get back beyond that. I have just asked her to meet as friends for coffee, and she agreed immediately. We are meeting next week.

Part of me is thrilled that she agreed to meet, because deep down, while I want us to remain friends, I hope there might still be a chance at getting back together. I don't know what her game is, so I am only guessing at this point.

Part of me, though, is scared that the meeting will reveal she does indeed only want to remain friends and nothing more. This will crush me, because while now I still live with hope, after the meeting I might have that taken away from me too.

Does reconciliation ever happen?

 

So that means she also experienced the break-up as painful as she wants to meet up for a coffee ? The question you must ask yourself before you meet with her : what do you want from her ? And why did she break-up with you ?

 

Reconciliation happen for particular reasons. Something was the reason for the break-up and after the reconciliation that reason should have had vanished or must be worked upon. Otherwise you'll be back at square one and the break-up scenario will most probably repeat itself.

 

The only way to know for sure what she wants from you is to meet up for coffee and see from there. If she only wants to be friends with you and you don't like that, tell her you will start no contact and that's it.

[mittk]

Thanks for the responses. I agree, I think i need to be myself and go with it. The pain of not knowing what could have been had I never asked her for coffee would be harder to accept, long term, than the (temporary) pain I would go through if she were to tell me she only wants to stay friends.

 

I have no idea why she accepted my invitation to coffee, but she has been friendly ever since the split. She broke up with me because she was "afraid of getting hurt."

 

I don't know how to read that and if that means that she may now be more confident and ready to try again?

 

I guess my deepest fear is to hear her say she is seeing someone else or that she lost all feelings for me. I have no indication she would every say something like that, but it's the worst case scenario.

 

Should I tell her I still like her, or just act casual and friendly?