nyrias2 Posted October 27, 2011 Posted October 27, 2011 when i first glanced at your response,i wasn't fully attentive and at first I thought it said "never underestimate the power of a few GIN" ( would that count as reason number 6 for risking your marriage for a few minutes of instant gratification?:laugh::laugh:) Of course, people are known to have done stupid with much less reason .. like a few BEERS.
michelangelo Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Nothing is guaranteed to be true .. but have more credibility than random OPINIONS on the internet. I actually read that paper about neutrinos traveling faster than light. At least they write down carefully what they did so others can check. (And many are checking right now, i am sure). If a point can be duplicated 100 times in experiments, i will believe it a lot more than what many here says with ZERO or only anecdotal evidence. I actually agree with you regarding hard science topics. When it comes to human behavior, the petri dish approach and observable things is too variable. The emotional impact on both the observed and the observer is pretty high. Skews everything.
SoleMate Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Re cheating vs. economics.... One story I just can't get out of my mind, was about infidelity among the very poor in an Indian subcontinent village setting. Everyone was living a subsistence lifestyle. And the wife was ready to claw the eyes out of her H's skull, because of the gift he had given his ONS: (wait for it) A small bag....of rice. From the family's food supply. And a few pieces of firewood...more like kindling, we would call it. Just sticks. Not sure where I'm going with this, but I just can't forget it.
mzdolphin Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Myself, i have to inclination what so ever to cheat. I think that it's hurtful both to the betrayed spouse and the person cheating. It makes life complicated...my life is complicated enough...why the hell would i want add to it? I think I'm also too honest... I hate lying, and would be miserable knowing i was lying to my spouse See for me the lying is the biggest issue. I don't see how folks can look someone they care about, in the eye and tell bold faced lies. That kind of stuff eats me up. Even after I found out exMM was married I felt I needed to explain to my son why the exMM wouldn't be around anymore. He had been really nice to my son, buying him things, teaching him to play golf etc. I told my son, I'm so sorry, but he lied to me and told me he was divorced and he's not. Mommy doesn't date married men and if you care about someone you don't lie to them like that. That was tough for me, but I thought I needed to tell him the truth and set an example for him in the future. If you want to keep a good woman in your life, don't lie and cheat.
frozensprouts Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 See for me the lying is the biggest issue. I don't see how folks can look someone they care about, in the eye and tell bold faced lies. That kind of stuff eats me up. Even after I found out exMM was married I felt I needed to explain to my son why the exMM wouldn't be around anymore. He had been really nice to my son, buying him things, teaching him to play golf etc. I told my son, I'm so sorry, but he lied to me and told me he was divorced and he's not. Mommy doesn't date married men and if you care about someone you don't lie to them like that. That was tough for me, but I thought I needed to tell him the truth and set an example for him in the future. If you want to keep a good woman in your life, don't lie and cheat. it's really nice that you made he decision and took the time to explain it to him so he can learn from it. you sound like a good mom:)
mzdolphin Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Thanks. That was the wake up call. Although the exMM apologized later and said he felt horrible about my son and regretted . My son was very into NASCAR and this guy got him into the races free, gave him programs, posters, everything. He was like a hero to my son. Although my ex husband is involved in my son's life, my ex husband wasn't into sports. This guy was not only into sports, but a sports journalist, covering the things my son loved. Later, when he would email I told him even if he left his wife it would never work for us. He said why? I said my son hates you and considers you evil. He's older now, taller than you and bigger than you and he might kick your a$$. Had I not come clean with my son, it would have been easier to bring this guy back into his life. That is why I advocate speaking the truth to people in your life, even if you are the OW. Just because you find yourself caught up in the WS lies, and you find they are deceiving everyone in their life, doesn't mean you have to deceive people your life. You need to tell these folks the truth so that they will be honest with you. This way it's easier to make an exit.
frozensprouts Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Thanks. That was the wake up call. Although the exMM apologized later and said he felt horrible about my son and regretted . My son was very into NASCAR and this guy got him into the races free, gave him programs, posters, everything. He was like a hero to my son. Although my ex husband is involved in my son's life, my ex husband wasn't into sports. This guy was not only into sports, but a sports journalist, covering the things my son loved. Later, when he would email I told him even if he left his wife it would never work for us. He said why? I said my son hates you and considers you evil. He's older now, taller than you and bigger than you and he might kick your a$$. Had I not come clean with my son, it would have been easier to bring this guy back into his life. That is why I advocate speaking the truth to people in your life, even if you are the OW. Just because you find yourself caught up in the WS lies, and you find they are deceiving everyone in their life, doesn't mean you have to deceive people your life. You need to tell these folks the truth so that they will be honest with you. This way it's easier to make an exit. that makes a lot of sense did you do that with anyone else besides your son (not sure if there would have been any reason to as i'm not sure who else would have been affected). If so, did that help as well? did i help you get a "support system" in place to help you through the hard times?
nyrias2 Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 I actually agree with you regarding hard science topics. When it comes to human behavior, the petri dish approach and observable things is too variable. The emotional impact on both the observed and the observer is pretty high. Skews everything. What emotional impact on the observer? If you are facing with a bunch of survey data (particularly LARGE data sets), you wont be emotional. You will be asking INTERESTING questions. You know about the in-sample out-sample method? As long as a model is predictive, emotions are not an issue. In fact, emotions are modeled and predicted all the time. It is not 100% predictable, but if it is 70% predictable, that is good enough in many cases.
nyrias2 Posted October 28, 2011 Posted October 28, 2011 Re cheating vs. economics.... One story I just can't get out of my mind, was about infidelity among the very poor in an Indian subcontinent village setting. Everyone was living a subsistence lifestyle. And the wife was ready to claw the eyes out of her H's skull, because of the gift he had given his ONS: (wait for it) A small bag....of rice. From the family's food supply. And a few pieces of firewood...more like kindling, we would call it. Just sticks. Not sure where I'm going with this, but I just can't forget it. Wow ... and we thought girls in China are cheap ...
Recommended Posts