Kae7s04 Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 I have been crying basically non-stop for the past day and a half. I am so tired but I can't seem to stop. I am also trying to apply for grad schools, but I can't focus, all I can think about is him and our non-existent future together. I know I just need time, but this hurts so badly, I just want to scream at him! But I know that will accomplish nothing. I also know that I'm making myself a victim here, and I don't want to, I'm just so hurt, my entire body aches for him. But he wasn't a great boyfriend even when we were dating. why can't I let him go????? We've been broken up for over a month now.
bel Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 Sorry you're feeling that way. I've cried non stop for days, and it literally drains you. It's been about a month for me too, and now I just let the tears run free on weekends. I think you hit the mark when you mentioned the non-existent future; it really killed me to see many things I had thought possible vanish into thin air. Have you tried starting a new hobby or sth? I know it's the most generic piece of advice ever, but funnily enough, splitting my time into more activities really helped me focus (he dumped my sorry ass during exam time, fantastic timing). Plus, doing sth I found personally challenging helped me to drop the pity party I had been throwing myself.
Author Kae7s04 Posted October 23, 2011 Author Posted October 23, 2011 Ha! yeah, I am throwing myself a pity party up the wazoo!! Exam week, honestly? That's awful!! He broke up with me right as I'm trying to apply for grad school and have to write essays about what a great and important person I am. Not easy. Also he was the one I did fun stuff with. Now all I have is my application, and then emptyness, no fun. I moved back with my parents, and I'm so miserable here. Everything I try to do, like hobbies, I just end up thinking about him and if he would enjoy doing it. I'm out of my mind.... and bitterly pathetic.
Bobby289 Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 I was like that exactly for about the first 2 weeks then it would be every few days. Now a month later I will break down at random times, last week I was just doing some research on campus and had to run to the bathroom to avoid being seen. What was it about him you are so attracted to still?
LSgirl Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 talk about a pity party, im at work right now on LoveShack! It's the only thing I even look forward to is looking on these forums, how sad. I know what you mean by even if u have a hobby, you still think about him. Even if I were to be with friends, Id just miss him. I definitely don't want to drink either as that will make me miserable and make me do something stupid like text him drunk. I don't have much hobbies (i like to read and watch movies and eat lol) and I'm not close with my family and my friends are to busy for this pity party. But don't feel pathetic! At least you haven't contacted him. He's still in a relationship with me on Facebook, but he doesn't go on it much, the day I see him go single or delete me will put me into tears for sure. I'm glad we all have each other here!
confused kitty Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 (edited) its been 6days since we broke up, he was the love of my life and my soul mate, I thaught about him non stop and constantly had to battle with myself to not contact him in any way, but i didnt cry... not until last night when I was feeling particularly low and crap and missing him more than ever, when out of the blue he emails me (as If he knew I was already feeling at rock bottom and just wanted to make it even worse) so i stupidly replied because I was feeling so lonely.... He was responding to a stupid email I sent him weeks ago, there really was no need for him to email me! We sent afew emails asking how I was, he seemed genuinely concerned etc (i lied and said i was fine) and then said I had to go (lie). The worst part was it felt like nothing was going on between us, it felt just like old times. And that made me miss him even more - for the first time in my life I cryed myself to sleep last night and ive been crying pretty much non stop all day... why did I reply to his bloody email!!! All it did was confirm exactly how much I love him, and how theres still sooo much chemistry between us even just through emails!!! But for me the worst part of it all was realising I not only lost my BF/Soul Mate but I also lost my one true best friend..... Now I truely feel like my heart has been ripped out, and hes the only one who can fix it Edited October 24, 2011 by confused kitty
bel Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 Oh, don't get me wrong, I think a LOT about my ex. I still go shopping for clothes and go "oooh, he would love this". Riddiculous. I don't have many hobbies, but I've always sucked at dancing, so I'm taking dance lessons now. Everyone in the class is super spirt fingers, and I need to work so hard just to remember the moves that I leave tired, happy and thinking of other stuff for a change. It has helped me tons. LSgirl, I've also found these forums to be amazing. We're pretty awesome people. We should all get together and do fun stuff without our former whats-their-face Nah, seriously, it's great to have a space like this.
Author Kae7s04 Posted October 24, 2011 Author Posted October 24, 2011 I was like that exactly for about the first 2 weeks then it would be every few days. Now a month later I will break down at random times, last week I was just doing some research on campus and had to run to the bathroom to avoid being seen. What was it about him you are so attracted to still? this is part of what's driving me nuts!!! He wasn't a great boyfriend, he often chose alcohol or video games over me and was selfish, but we did have good times together. But now, I moved all the way across the country to live with my parents, and my life is awful here, i've lost my independence, have no friends or anything fun to do and I feel like i'm a little kid again. I hate the area we live in, so now i'm just missing my old life so deeply, I'm going insane...literally, i fear. I can't get out of my head, i feel paralyzed by the past and a non-existent future,
confused kitty Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 But now, I moved all the way across the country to live with my parents, and my life is awful here, i've lost my independence, have no friends or anything fun to do and I feel like i'm a little kid again. I hate the area we live in, so now i'm just missing my old life so deeply, I'm going insane...literally, i fear. I can't get out of my head, i feel paralyzed by the past and a non-existent future, If it helps any,(which it probably wont) but im feeling exactly the same... Im also living back at home and although Im very close to my mom I Hate my step dad, I mean he literally makes my skin crawl (I moved out at 17 because of him) and constantly feel like hes checking me out (im now 22 and hes 54) hes discusting.. I cant tell my mom because it would break her heart but I also cant aford to move to anywhere else, and on top of everything else I just dont need this right now... Im feeling depressed enough as it is about the break up and right now I just cant see anyway out of this horrible situation... i really cant see much of a future at all
Bobby289 Posted October 24, 2011 Posted October 24, 2011 this is part of what's driving me nuts!!! He wasn't a great boyfriend, he often chose alcohol or video games over me and was selfish, but we did have good times together. But now, I moved all the way across the country to live with my parents, and my life is awful here, i've lost my independence, have no friends or anything fun to do and I feel like i'm a little kid again. I hate the area we live in, so now i'm just missing my old life so deeply, I'm going insane...literally, i fear. I can't get out of my head, i feel paralyzed by the past and a non-existent future, Isolation can also be the most beneficial when working on yourself and emotions. I avoid going out in this town because I am sure I will run into my ex or her friends. I spend time working out, with close friends & family, or prepping for law school. My ex avoids feeling her emotions by going out and keeping busy where I like to seclude myself from any negative influences that will break me back down. Don't get me wrong I think about her all the time but that is not something that is easy to shut off
Author Kae7s04 Posted October 24, 2011 Author Posted October 24, 2011 If it helps any,(which it probably wont) but im feeling exactly the same... Im also living back at home and although Im very close to my mom I Hate my step dad, I mean he literally makes my skin crawl (I moved out at 17 because of him) and constantly feel like hes checking me out (im now 22 and hes 54) hes discusting.. I cant tell my mom because it would break her heart but I also cant aford to move to anywhere else, and on top of everything else I just dont need this right now... Im feeling depressed enough as it is about the break up and right now I just cant see anyway out of this horrible situation... i really cant see much of a future at all It does help, believe me, and I'm sorry you are in such a terrible situation, but protect yourself from that creep. But I know how you feel about the lack of a bright future, that's a hard thing to deal with...thank you for your post.
Author Kae7s04 Posted October 24, 2011 Author Posted October 24, 2011 Isolation can also be the most beneficial when working on yourself and emotions. I avoid going out in this town because I am sure I will run into my ex or her friends. I spend time working out, with close friends & family, or prepping for law school. My ex avoids feeling her emotions by going out and keeping busy where I like to seclude myself from any negative influences that will break me back down. Don't get me wrong I think about her all the time but that is not something that is easy to shut off Thank you so much for this, it really helps to think of the seclusion as beneficial rather than scarer and alone, I will try to shift my thinking there. Thank you again.
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