sheetz Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 well, mine is a characteristic breakup case where i dont know who is the dumpee and who is the dumper!! well to cut a long story short, i met a handsome guy one yr back, we started dating. 2 mths down our dating , he was casually going out with another gal, and i had seen them talking on fb , etc and i did ask him if there is something goin on, and he denied. but i knew the obvious answer, but since it didnt come out of his mouth, i decided to play it cool. but wht happ was that gal eventually came to me and spilled out everything abt how she wanted to marry him and he never responded to her dat way, and i was mad on him and i said i dont want to talk to him anymore. well, he didnt want to lose me and he went out of his way to convince me dat he didnt love her , he just met her a couple of times "as a friend" and is no longer interested in her, and loves me..and he even told this to the gal as wen did i ever say i loved u and wanted to marry u?then the gal herself called me again and apologised and suggested me to go back to him saying that he really loves u coz he was crying in front of me saying he loved me. well, i did accept him on the condition dat i wud like to take my own time, i dont want to get into any relnshp with him so fast and by this time, he was doing every damn thing to make me happy, making all kinds of efforts and wen i didnt show too much interest except that of a friend, he finally said he is ready to give me commitment and he doesnt mind if i take my own time and he doesnt want anything from me, even if i don allow him to touch me , he wud still love me the same n wud still be committed to me. fast forward a few mths, this guy was talking abt future , dropping hints abt future, how our future wud be, and wud refer of me as his wife, and marriage etc. i even asked him jokingly wen wud our engagement be and he replied next year. unfortunately i was in a stressful period that time due to my sis being diagnosed with cancer and she was in the dying stage which was very difficult for me. i do admit i had become clingy and needy and though he was trying his best to help me, but i didnt feel enuff support from him being us in a long distance relationship and his job being away on ship for a mth and then again home for a mth, and we wud be meeting only 3 days in 1-2 mths, ssommething like that..so dat was really hard on me..i started realising i wanted somehting more in a relationship, something like wer i get to meet my partner regularly in person, not on fone , i wanted something real everyday, i wanted someone to be there by my side wen my sis was sick and he was out on ship at that time, so it wasnt really his fault but i was just very needy at that time, i just wanted him!!!that made me act out of frustration n i wud simply whine complain criticise his job nag him all the time, though i must say he still tried to help me out as much as he cud, but though he says he did so much for me i still feel he cud ve done a lot lot more, a lot lot better, he simply cudnt be on the same wavelength as mine, he cudnt just be one with me at that time. i started feeling as if we are just friends or just gf bf , not soulmates , not on the same feelings as a committed couple or a couple in deep love wud be.i also didnt forget abt him going to that gal and was a bit insecure if that wud ever repeat again. one day he said since his efforts are no longer being appreciated, and i m not happy with him , he is going away forever, he will never return back. i was unhappy i didnt want to lose him but i agreed , i said i m sorry this stress and long distance and these unfortunate life events have managed to seperate us, but whatever i shouted at him , i did it coz i felt he was my own. well, as soon as he read this email of mine, he came back. but i stil continued feeling the same distance between us, i was craving for a deeper connection, but ended up acting insecure and needy, complaining. den i started talking abt the future. initially he dint answer me properly, den he said i wud be settling with him in his new house which he is in a process of buying soon, with his parents and brothers. i said he shud be making a plan abt us and our future, but he said he has to first think abt his parents and younger brothers. i said he can atleast make some kind of plan. then after much coaxing, he said he wants 6 mths, he is planning to move to a better paying job. but wen i mentioned that i wud like us to have a house of our own, and i wudnt prefer to stay as a joint family, he said its diff for him to buy 2 houses at same time., i said i dont want all this outright i m just talking abt making a plan so that we know how n wen to put it into action. i even said i m ready to stay on rent and in a small house but he said if he gets a house it will not be on rent. but since then we started having silly arguments since i was resentful of him abt avoiding the future talk and not discussing things wit me calmly and properly and i even deleted him from fb twice. he was quite upset with that, and earlier i also was telling him to break up wenever i was frustrated with him but he wud get angry on that word breakup, he wud tell me , do whatever u want but dont utter that word breakup, i hate that..but in the last one and a half mth, we were just having silly arguments over our posts on fb, if i was complaining abt something, he was pointing out something similar on my activities and complaining...this wasnt too serious actually but out of my frustration of the last few mths, i deleted him again on fb n this time he was seriously pissed off..we both stopped talking for 10 days and den i missed him so much, i called him and he said, he has decided to end the relationship coz he cant be my husband, he cant keep me happy, i wont be happy with him, and he is very sure and convinced of this now, and wen i tried to convince him he told me not to force him, and he said, u cant break up with me wenever u want n come to me wenever u want. if i had not ignored his calls and not deleted him on fb, this wudnt have probably happened. i apologised but he said my nature wont change. he also said our future plans and dreams dont match, his financial situation is not so good to be my husband n i cant stay with him in the house which he has bought now n i want him to leave his parents, and he cant do that etc..i tried making him understand on how we can work it out together, i apologised , i said i understand i really hurt ur feelings but u have misunderstood me and i did love u all this while but my way of showing my love was rong.. but he said its too late, he is not in love with me anymore...i shud marry someone else., and i shud be back on fb(i had stopped coming on fb since the last argument)he even said we can remain freinds, but i refused and he said "dats ok"... i said if it was something that u felt it wudnt work out, i wud have told u it can work out, but if u feel u arent in love with me anymore, i cant say anything to u. he said"i m sorry", i said, "its ok, u have to be honest with me, i want u to be happy and u shud do what makes u happy" ..he was quiet wen i said that n i wished him gn. 2 mins later, he smsed saying not to force him and i replied to him the next morn, i m sorry if u felt i m forcing u,i have been with u supporting u al this while but i respect ur decision whatever it is. to which he repled back saying thanks for not inviting me to ur wedding. its been 20 days of nc since den, and i m unsure of how to get him back!!!!!!!!!!!what do i do??he is not coming online anymore whereas he was a person who wud come online on fb and chat everyday..and ever since i m offline , he has also decided to go offline!!!i dont see any activity of him on fb at all except that the very next day of breaking up with me, he had put up a new foto of his which was my favourite pic of his!!he had expected me to come back on fb, but i havent gone back der coz i m giving out all the time to myself on self improvement.
Recommended Posts