My boyfriend told me a girl was flirting with him, I know - silly, but I'm worried..?

[cahbella]

My boyfriend and I tell each other everything, we have no secrets from each other pretty much. He told me this girl tried to hit on him and he just blew her off, but that she was talking to her friend about him once she went back to her seat, and he heard her say "Maybe he thinks I'm..." but not whatever came after that. Now, he's a senior in HS and I'm a freshman in college, which makes it worse for me. I hate that I'm not in the school anymore to be with him, and that he's around a bunch of girls who could care less that he's in a relationship. Him and I were always together so everyone, even teachers there knew we were together and still ask him about me, so I'm assuming this girl knows he's taken as well...

 

He blew her off, and I know he won't flirt back, but hearing about another girl trying to come on to him just bothers me SO much. A lot more than it should, to the point where it got me a little bit mad at him when he first told me, even for doing nothing wrong. I'm not used to him speaking to other girls, he doesn't have any girl friends - just his core group of guy friends and the girls that they bring around who they're hooking up with. I feel like every girl is a threat to my relationship and that one of them will have something I don't that's going to take him from me. We've been together for a year, and I'm completely head over heels with him. I'm so scared to lose him, that every little thing makes me go crazy in my head with worry.

 

I'm incredibly jealous, and I can't get past it. What should I do? I'm not mad anymore, it lasted about 5 minutes when he told me, but that's just an example of how extreme my jealousy takes me with him. After thinking about it, I asked him not to tell me if people flirt with him, because I know he'll just handle it and blow them off, but should I want to know? Would you? I completely trust my bf, my jealousy always just gets the better of me and I'm so tired of being like this with silly little things.

 

Any similar stories or advice?

Edited October 23, 2011 by cahbella

[PlumPrincess]

If you think about it, you're in college while he is in highschool. Doesn't college have the reputation of being full with guys who are trying to have sex with girls as much as possible? Is your boyfriend jealous? Probably not and so shouldn't you.

 

I guess, you're jealous, because you're insecure. And you're insecure maybe, because you think your boyfriend is more than you deserve or maybe because you don't trust his feelings for you. Have trust that he is with you, because he likes you and that if one day he doesn't, you will have no problem finding someone else who thinks you are great, because you are.

[cdm369]

If you can deal with it better by not knowing maybe that's your best bet. Having said that if your relationship is so good that you do tell each other everything. I would want to keep it that way. Once you start not telling everything then you have to decide what to mention and what not to and everyones perceptions of what's a big deal is different.

[grkBoy]

Any similar stories or advice?

 

Calm down, and learn to trust.

 

I've known many folks who are extremely jealous/paranoid types. They find a boyfriend or girlfriend and whenever they're not with that person, they worry like crazy all the time that he/she could cheat.

 

Seen one guy who literally made his life miserable when he wasn't with his GF, always thinking and wondering if his GF is cheating or would cheat. I told him once he didn't trust her, and I got the usual BS from such types:

 

"I trust her completely...I don't trust other men."

 

Come on now...really? If one trusts their SO, then it shouldn't matter who comes sniffing, he/she won't bite. This is why I never buy into that song and dance.

 

You can claim you trust your BF, but by how much it bothers you that other women flirt only speaks that you don't fully trust him.

 

How do you feel if he goes out with the "fellas" and not you? That one jealous guy I mentioned would go nuts. He even wished she would not have any other friends or anything but him. So you can see what this extreme thinking can do...and he's not the first person I've seen try that on SO's.

 

You have to find it in you. You have to grow up and leave it alone. I've had the jealous types wonder how I could be so trusting in this day and age. My answer is that I'd rather KNOW someone than SPECULATE.

 

I'd rather my fiance cheat on me, betray me, and then I know who she really is...then spend my life worrying she'll be a cheater. She hasn't given me a reason yet to believe she's not the loyal monogamous woman I fell in love with...and I make damn sure she knows I'd never cheat on her (like her ex-husband did).

[FrustratedStandards]

Are you serious?

 

You're actually WORRIED when your bf actually TELLS you these things?

 

Get a grip girl.

[FitChick]

In these situations I usually figure the man is insecure so I say something like, "It just goes to show that I have good taste in men and know I'm a very lucky girl." Then give him a hug or a kiss and a big smile.

[PlumPrincess]

In these situations I usually figure the man is insecure so I say something like, "It just goes to show that I have good taste in men and know I'm a very lucky girl." Then give him a hug or a kiss and a big smile.

That's a great answer! I have to write that down.