shyinside Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 I am 18. I have never had a boyfriend, never been asked out on a date and I have had one kiss (although it was forced by the male). Mind you, I have been asked to have sex and have "fun" with 5 different guys since I started college (denied them all, even though I found them attractive). I recently met a man in one of my classes. I presume, he seemed interested because he walked me to my car and I gave him a ride to his. I could tell that he tried to kiss me when he left the car but in addition he told me to text him. I didn't have his number so I didn't and the kiss didn't happen either. So, the next day, he sent me a message for my number, I gave it to him. This is where it gets weird. He asks me if I have the right to do stuff; meaning he just wants to have fun after knowing him for 2 days. Personally, I don't know what I want being that I have never been given this opportunity but I just feel that it is very hard for me to open up in that way and to let a guy in so easily. I have never had any male interaction in that way but it seems so to others apparently because I am very outgoing with the people that I know. For a fact, he knows nothing about my personal life, because I don't share it with anyone except for now because I really don't know what to do. Well, getting back. I told him I wasn't interested in him that way basically. The next day he acted as if nothing happened and acted as if he didn't even know me. Cold looks in class but towards the end he started smiling at me, as if everything was okay. When leaving class, I did the same thing back to him, cold look and walked away. Following day, class got cancelled and I had informed him. He asked me what I was going to do and I told him that I was going to the shooting range with my dad. He insisted that I chilled with him but I insisted that I really couldn't. His response: "Fine." My response" "Wow. Really?" Apparently that set off an entire earthquake. To me it felt like he was making me choose between my family and a guy. I feel that it shouldn't be that way. So today, there was a soccer game. My other friend stood me up because he forgot the time of the game and I was left by myself. The same kid from before saw me, said hi and I acknowledged him. I asked him where he was going to sit and instead he said it was okay to sit with me. So a couple minutes later he goes and moves to sit behind the same spot where he was sitting. His female friend (whom I know fairly well and has a boyfriend) came (because he called her), he immediately then told me very bluntly "move". The first thing that went through my mind was "What a jerk." The rest of the night felt weird, and awkward. Sorry if I am boring you, but the point that I am getting across is what should I do? I mean, I like this guy a lot, he seems different but every time I convince myself that I will let him (make a move for him) he gives me a reason not to. Any advice wanted. Any questions? I'll answer. Thank you.
Lucky_One Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 What exactly is it that you like about him? Your descriptions of him don't make him sound likeable at all.
Author shyinside Posted October 23, 2011 Author Posted October 23, 2011 I like the fact that when we have conversations we can talk about anything, and he laughs at all my stupid jokes. I guess that's not enough right?
Lucky_One Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 Not when he treats you disrespectfully, no. I know that you are new to dating and all of its fun, but you need to remember first and foremost that you should establish boundaries and stick to them. When someone crosses your boundaries, you can do 3 things: 1) immediately drop this person from your life 2) tell this person that their action crossed a boundary and then give them another chance or 3) allow the boundary crossing (and begin a lifelong spiral of letting other people do things that make you uncomfortable until you start to believe that they are right and you are wrong). You meet a guy in class; you don't know him at all. He walks you to your car and you give him a ride to his. HE TRIES TO KISS YOU. WHAT? Why is some virtual stranger trying to kiss you, when you have spent maybe 10 minutes chatting (a campus isn't all that big for this car transport that you spent 2 hours together)? This is NOT typical behavior for a guy. Do you have the "right to do stuff"? I don't even know WTF he is talking about. The right? YES you have the right to do basically anything you want, within the law. That doesn't mean that you SHOULD. You interpret this to mean that he is asking you if you want to have some sort of sexual activity with him. WHAT? Why is some dude ASKING you if you want to fool around? What he SHOULD be asking you is if you want to go out for lunch after class, or meet for coffee and study, or work on a project together, or go to a movie, or go out for pizza, or go bowling. Those are called dates. What he is suggesting is that he randomly text you and see if you are willing for "some fun" and then he will randomly text you another day or another week or another boring Friday night and have "some more fun ". Wash, rinse, repeat. You aren't a hoodie. Don't let yourself be treated like one. Yes, he is a jerk. You have seen 3 evidences of it in the past, say, 5 days. He ignored you in class after you told him you weren't interested in him for "some fun", he strongly tried to make you change your plans with your father, and he was nasty to you at a soccer game in front of another girl. You are doing a good job of maintaining your boundaries. You told him frankly you weren't into "some fun" and you wouldn't change your plans to suit him. This is a very good thing!! Some guys see this as a challenge and they will continue to do anything to get into your pants. Some guys see this as too much work, and they will leave you alone. This guy sounds like a douche, and he will probably keep after you, but he is NOT interested in a relationship. He has told you honestly what he wants - "some fun". I can't figure out how you have been asked by 6 guys to have sex or "fun" without ever being asked on a date. What do you talk about when you meet them? I have only been propositioned like that by about 6 guys in my life, and probably 5 of them were drunk and 1 was a jerk I had just met who tried to get me into an affair.
Author shyinside Posted October 23, 2011 Author Posted October 23, 2011 Thanks, I really needed that. I am still trying to figure it out myself. What I talk about is school, my family, my running. Nothing out of the ordinary. I sometimes feel as if I am wearing a sign but I have done nothing to lead anyone on. I am a girl who loves cars, guns, camping, being outdoors and the things associated with that. I don't drink, smoke, or even go to parties. It's just not my atmosphere so I don't know why.
KathyM Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 Sounds like the guy just wants to use you and is not interested in establishing a relationship other than based on sex. Don't allow yourself to be used. This guy is a jerk. Expect better from a man and for yourself. Any man who does not treat you well or with respect doesn't deserve your attention.
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