Deano8888 Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 Sorry for the long post, but just really need some help at the moment. I will just give it how it is and would appreciate any comments..... because I swear I'm going mad! I met my girlfriend around 15 months ago. I was 27 and she was 40, we had both been in previous long term relationships and both on the lookout I suppose. Anyway when we first started seeing each other she was poorly at the time. She had just gone had surgery for breast cancer and was going through chemo. She had been signed off work, and was poorly and bored. She had lost all her hair and ut on a lot of weight due to her treatment. she said she felt like a freak because of how it had made her looked and she had no confidence. the first 6 months we were together went really well, we wasn't living together and lived around 60 miles apart. We met up every couple of days in the countryside half way between our homes as we both had busy home lives so wanted peace together. She would text me all the time, she would be ringing me all the time and wanted to meet up loads, like every 3 days or so. She was always complaining that I didn't text her or call her enough and was always moaning at me for not texting back straight away. we would meet up in our cars and listen to music, watch the stars, chatter all night and have really good sex. She told me she loved me all the time, and she wanted us to grow old together. Anyhow, come November she had finished all her cancer treatment and given the all clear. her hair grew back, she lost loads of weight and went back to work. And here is where all the problems started. I would text her and she just would not text me back, whenever I called she would ignore the call and not ring me back. in our whole time together I think she only answered the phone once! And she didn't hardly ever want to meet up. she told me she was too busy with work to meet up and that she didn't have enough time in her day to send me just 1 text. She was only working 4 hours a day. This carried on for 6 months. I would text, she would ignore me. I would call, she wouldn't answer. I would ask to meet, but she was too tired. I put loads of effort into the relationship. So I asked her if it would be easier if I travelled to her. She let me do this twice, but both times she drugged herself with vallium before I got there so was pretty out of it and slept the whole time. She would occasionally send me messages when we did talk saying she loved me, I was her soul mate and she missed me all the time. She used to tell me that although she didn't text me, she was thinking of me!!! Anyway she was horrible to me for months just messing me around and playing games with me. one min she was all over me, the next she didn't want to know me. This tore my heart out and I did tell her. One day when we were together and she went out the room I looked through her phone. She was having no problems texting other people (including her 'male' friends) and giving them a ring, but was too busy for me. I also found out she had been going out to bars and other places with her male friends and blowing me out when we had previous arrangements. Then obviously I get the text. Around 2 weeks ago I get a text saying she doesn't want to be with me anymore. I ask to talk about things with her but she just ignored me and hasn't talked to me in any way ever since. Here is may question. Although there are many things I have wrote about which I feel are important but would be too long to go into, was I used? Was I just a toy for her when she was feeling down? She was 40 years old, no hair, put on lots of weight, felt down, bored, signed off sick and been rejected by someone she really fancied a few months before. Then comes at 27 year old lad who gives lots of attention, makes her feel good about herself, I boosted her ego and confidence. As soon as she gets back to normal she ****s me off with not an explanation or goodbye. The worse thing is she knew I would do anything for her and I was totally in love with her. Was I used? Why do I want her back soo much? Why do I miss her and cry everyday? Please help me xx
mike588 Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 Yes it seems like you were used, maybe not intentionally though. You were her "emotional bandaid" during her difficult times. It's time for you to move on, really! I know it's hard. Nothing against you or her but the age difference may have played a part in it too. I know how you feel,, I was used as an emotional bandaid also.Move on.
fenderjames Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 Hi Deano . I had a similar experience . Except the girl I was with had just moved in to her own home ( she was going thru a divorce ) and when she got the final papers making it official , she pretty much gave me my walking papers . I am 41 , she 46 . Its been 2 months with no contact , Im still hurting but every day is a day closer to feeling better . I felt like I was used , I was just there to see her thru the bad times , now shes free to do whatever she may please and Im left standing in the rain in shock . Stay strong man, Im pulling for you . Cheers bro
Author Deano8888 Posted October 23, 2011 Author Posted October 23, 2011 thanks for your comments guys, its really appreciated. I know you all are going through a rough time and it's just nice to know I'm not alone and it does happen to other people. There was actually a lot more to this situation as there is in everyones relationships, but that was the basics to it. I knew there were people out there like this who use other people and play games, I just never thought I would fall for it and I feel a fool for doing so. I thought it was just one of those things that happens to other people, not me! I always thought you would spot one of these women a mile off, but you don't. They flatter you and tell you they love you and you just fall for it. But thanks for everyone that replied, I'm glad it's not just me who has been used, I don't feel as stupid now if that makes sense?
mike588 Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 (edited) thanks for your comments guys, its really appreciated. I know you all are going through a rough time and it's just nice to know I'm not alone and it does happen to other people. There was actually a lot more to this situation as there is in everyones relationships, but that was the basics to it. I knew there were people out there like this who use other people and play games, I just never thought I would fall for it and I feel a fool for doing so. I thought it was just one of those things that happens to other people, not me! I always thought you would spot one of these women a mile off, but you don't. They flatter you and tell you they love you and you just fall for it. But thanks for everyone that replied, I'm glad it's not just me who has been used, I don't feel as stupid now if that makes sense? Your FAR from being alone. If I may add my now ex. g/f of close to a year dumped we 2 weeks after her surgery after I waited on her hand and foot for 10 days,,held her hand in the recovery room etc.and as soon as she healed/recovered it was see ya,,, back to her ex. I still wonder WHERE THE HELL WAS HE during that time!!!!! Edited October 23, 2011 by mike588
redblack66 Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 Your FAR from being alone. If I may add my now ex. g/f of close to a year dumped we 2 weeks after her surgery after I waited on her hand and foot for 10 days,,held her hand in the recovery room etc.and as soon as she healed/recovered it was see ya,,, back to her ex. I still wonder WHERE THE HELL WAS HE during that time!!!!! Ban*** other chicks. Hope lessons learned, do not be so good. Even the most amazing person will not appreciate it.
mike588 Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 Ban*** other chicks. Hope lessons learned, do not be so good. Even the most amazing person will not appreciate it. Geeze I hope not all women are that way! I think anyones "other" would be there for them if they had surgery?
Author Deano8888 Posted October 23, 2011 Author Posted October 23, 2011 you just don't expect to be used do you? It's only because we trust these people and don't believe they would do it to us. I think it boils down to that some people are just not very nice people. We blind ourselves to it and try to convince ourselves otherwise but the truth is good people don't treat others like sh*t do they? We all know they wasn't good enough for us, but we emotionally miss them I feel for you Mike my friend, our experiences aren't all that different. It's not fair to be treated like this.
mike588 Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 you just don't expect to be used do you? It's only because we trust these people and don't believe they would do it to us. I think it boils down to that some people are just not very nice people. We blind ourselves to it and try to convince ourselves otherwise but the truth is good people don't treat others like sh*t do they? We all know they wasn't good enough for us, but we emotionally miss them I feel for you Mike my friend, our experiences aren't all that different. It's not fair to be treated like this. No it's not FRIGGIN fair at all,, it's the betrayel that stings the most.
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