love_confusion Posted October 22, 2011 Posted October 22, 2011 Every now and then, I go out with a guy that I had an on/off relationship with over the past few years. We usually have a good time when we go out. Of course, one thing leads to another and by the end of the night we get pretty intimate with one another. However, as days/weeks pass after these dates, he becomes so withdrawn and cold towards me. This happens every single time. Every single time. Even when we were actually "together" he still exhibited this behavior, I guess I just didn't pay that much attention to it until now. So, now that I understand this routine of his, I give him space and back off. Of course, after a few weeks pass, he's back to his "normal" self. And, the cycle continues. We are not currently together. I would like to be with him, but I'm not sure what he wants. I guess I'm just confused by his hot/cold behavior, which only occurs after the physical contact between us. Just thought I'd post here to maybe get some insight into why he acts this way. If it's something I'm doing wrong, I just wish he would tell me.
maysj18 Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 Every now and then, I go out with a guy that I had an on/off relationship with over the past few years. We usually have a good time when we go out. Of course, one thing leads to another and by the end of the night we get pretty intimate with one another. However, as days/weeks pass after these dates, he becomes so withdrawn and cold towards me. This happens every single time. Every single time. Even when we were actually "together" he still exhibited this behavior, I guess I just didn't pay that much attention to it until now. So, now that I understand this routine of his, I give him space and back off. Of course, after a few weeks pass, he's back to his "normal" self. And, the cycle continues. We are not currently together. I would like to be with him, but I'm not sure what he wants. I guess I'm just confused by his hot/cold behavior, which only occurs after the physical contact between us. Just thought I'd post here to maybe get some insight into why he acts this way. If it's something I'm doing wrong, I just wish he would tell me. Sounds to me like he's using you, honestly. If I were you, I wouldn't contact him anymore even if he comes to you. Just seems sketchy, in my opinion and it's not like you're getting anything substantial out of it that would make you stay around.
Feelin Frisky Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 You're his booty call. It's just that he doesn't get around to it all that much. Sorry. It looks like he sees you as the proverbial "f-buddy". That is not a terrible thing in and of itself but it could be upsetting if you really want him on a closer level.
Author love_confusion Posted October 23, 2011 Author Posted October 23, 2011 Both of you are probably right. I guess I'm just afraid to admit to myself that this situation isn't a good one. I keep hoping he'll change, but I'll be waiting a long time if I keep waiting for that.
cdm369 Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 Just straight up ask him what he is thinking. No room for doubt. Even if his answer hurts your fellings at least you would know.
shayla Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 If you are happy in a casual relationship with no strings, then continue on as is. Nothing wrong with that if that fits your needs. If you are looking for a LTR, then this isn't the man for you. From what I can tell, he is putting time and distance between you in order to lower your expectations of him. If he is around all the time, perhaps you would begin to expect him to act like you are in a relationship, and this sporadic thing would no longer be acceptable. But by popping up, disappearing, blowing hot and cold, all the tricks that people use to put distance between you, he is able to get what he wants, and doesn't have to put in very much effort to keep the status quo. I'd get rid of him, but that's just me.
blueskyday Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 Next time he calls to see you, suggest going out and don't have sex with him. That usually weeds out the booty call guys. You want a relationship with him? Forget all that crap in books about "giving him his space" so he will want to be with you. Either he wants a relationship where he spends time with you outside of bed and attends to you emotionally, or he only wants you as a bed mate...hence the hot/cold distancing thing so you don't expect relationship behavior out of him. It won't change. Your behavior will be the only thing that changes.
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