ken_25 Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 I'll hit you back with a PM mike, I don't want to hijack immitable's thread.
mike588 Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 Yea I said that earlier about hijacking his thread but he said ,carry on,,,it just got out of hand. My apoligies. It is your thread!! Please continue if you have any other questions/advise.
ken_25 Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 You get my message mike? it's not showing up in my sent messages.
mike588 Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 Yep, and I responded,,check it out and tell me what u think.
Author immitable Posted October 23, 2011 Author Posted October 23, 2011 no it is absolutely fine, so do you guys think I should contact her or not, think my stuff she won't give back or at least not reply to my mail, is a way to contol me. She can't throw that stuff away or burn it, there are some expensive clothes coats etc. It is getting cold now and I would have to buy pretty much new stuff. If she destroys them she won't get her money back as I owe her a sum but she never agreed to sit down and talk about earlier only sent a couple ultimatums I should return it by given date and pick up my stuff but that was months ago. I think she also secretly thought I would be contacting her and harrasing her etc, but i didn't chase her at all, These forums have helped me a lot and beat some sense into me at the time when I was going through hell right after the break up.
mike588 Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 no it is absolutely fine, so do you guys think I should contact her or not, think my stuff she won't give back or at least not reply to my mail, is a way to contol me. She can't throw that stuff away or burn it, there are some expensive clothes coats etc. It is getting cold now and I would have to buy pretty much new stuff. If she destroys them she won't get her money back as I owe her a sum but she never agreed to sit down and talk about earlier only sent a couple ultimatums I should return it by given date and pick up my stuff but that was months ago. I think she also secretly thought I would be contacting her and harrasing her etc, but i didn't chase her at all, These forums have helped me a lot and beat some sense into me at the time when I was going through hell right after the break up. Again about getting your stuff,,, you should of done that earlier,, not months later. She may be at to point now where she doesn't care about getting the money back. Since it's been so long and you haven't harrased her go ahead and send her an email reminding her about your stuff and tell her your feelings,, what you want in a calm, cool way, don't get all emotional. It's 50/50,, she may have already moved on long ago but you will not know unless you try. I don't think she's trying to control you.
ken_25 Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 Oh yeah, go get your stuff back, give her the money and let it be. Forget about her trying to control and YOU take control. Just show up at her house with the money and get your stuff back. Cut the crap. I feel after you should just stay away, use that time for yourself and see what happens. However, I do believe in following your gut, so go with that. It's best to trust your instincts whether they end up being right or wrong and learning from that experience.
Author immitable Posted October 23, 2011 Author Posted October 23, 2011 (edited) Again about getting your stuff,,, you should of done that earlier,, not months later. She may be at to point now where she doesn't care about getting the money back. Since it's been so long and you haven't harrased her go ahead and send her an email reminding her about your stuff and tell her your feelings,, what you want in a calm, cool way, don't get all emotional. It's 50/50,, she may have already moved on long ago but you will not know unless you try. I don't think she's trying to control you. Mike, I have so many feelings for her that range from love to disappointment, to hate to rage to understanding. I know I am not perfect but I was sensible enough to discuss problems with her (which were lttle things according to her not real problems she siad) and cared about her. What do you think, how should I articulate these, in a letter or mail or phonecall? do you mean to write some sort of closure or what. Immediately after the breakup I tried once inviting her for a coffee and she politely said that she is going to contact me. Edited October 23, 2011 by immitable
M2155 Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 Definitely should have taken care of this sooner, but what's done is done. Why don't you send her a message and ask her to leave your stuff by the door at a specific day/time and if she doesn't you'll take that as forefitting the money you owe her and leave it after that. (I'd work on getting your stuff back for now if you really need it, the relationship sounds shaky you said she blamed you for everything when things aren't going well.)
mike588 Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 Mike, I have so many feelings for her that range from love to disappointment, to hate to rage to understanding. I know I am not perfect but I was sensible enough to discuss problems with her (which were lttle things according to her not real problems she siad) and cared about her. What do you think, how should I articulate these, in a letter or mail or phonecall? do you mean to write some sort of closure or what. Immediately after the breakup I tried once inviting her for a coffee and she politely said that she is going to contact me. I know how you feel,,, love,,, disappointment,,, hate, to understanding,,I've been there and sometimes still there. I would not call her, when you start talking all those "held up emotions" will come out and could do more damage than good. Again,,,, draft up an email but don't send it right away,,,, re-read it the next day,, edit it (I'm sure you will) and read it again. Do this until you feel you have expressed how you feel,, what you want/expect then send it. You don't want to send it then think,,, Oops, forgot something,, I'll send another,,,,, then another,,,,,,then another. You will look PATHETIC!!!! Be honest with yourself and your feelings,,,, if she doesn't reply or replys with,, I'm sorry, I don't feel the same then close that chapter and move on!
Author immitable Posted October 23, 2011 Author Posted October 23, 2011 Definitely should have taken care of this sooner, but what's done is done. Why don't you send her a message and ask her to leave your stuff by the door at a specific day/time and if she doesn't you'll take that as forefitting the money you owe her and leave it after that. (I'd work on getting your stuff back for now if you really need it, the relationship sounds shaky you said she blamed you for everything when things aren't going well.) I know it should have been done earlier but her parents were coming to visit and stay for 6 months with us. She had her father at our apartment when she broke up with me. her father was like a doorman the two times when I went to pick up my stuff, so I just picked up the necessary stuff and left it there. I didn't want him opening the door of our apartment for me each time. things turned shaky all of a sudden she said she was giving me "signals" and I replied that no one can read minds, but those were the arguments at the break up, we really didn't fight. We had stressful situations me over school and her over job, but that was essentially it. The relöationship was not shaky, only the last year maybe where I wanted to give us both some space, her to go out and meet coworkers after work etc. Think she misinterpreted that whole thing. Thank you for the insight M2155, it was really helpful as I am at a point of making a decision how to procede.
Author immitable Posted October 23, 2011 Author Posted October 23, 2011 I know how you feel,,, love,,, disappointment,,, hate, to understanding,,I've been there and sometimes still there. I would not call her, when you start talking all those "held up emotions" will come out and could do more damage than good. Again,,,, draft up an email but don't send it right away,,,, re-read it the next day,, edit it (I'm sure you will) and read it again. Do this until you feel you have expressed how you feel,, what you want/expect then send it. You don't want to send it then think,,, Oops, forgot something,, I'll send another,,,,, then another,,,,,,then another. You will look PATHETIC!!!! Be honest with yourself and your feelings,,,, if she doesn't reply or replys with,, I'm sorry, I don't feel the same then close that chapter and move on! thanks Mike, this is really good point.
mike588 Posted October 23, 2011 Posted October 23, 2011 thanks Mike, this is really good point. I've drafted an email to my ex. for 3 weeks now and keep editing it each day as I feel different each day,,, don't rush it by your emotions at that time. Don't try to make her feel guilty,,, don't bring up the past regardless if it's good or bad. Make your point with how you feel and what you want then leave it at that!!!!!!!!! Remember the old saying,, well the balls in his/her corner now,,, well it will be and it's up to her now,,, move on regardless of the outcome,, she will respect you that your not sitting around waiting for her!
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